Week 12 Power Rankings: Endgame

Will Shawn be able to reclaim the #1 seed that rightfully belongs to him? The good people of Iran certainly hope so.

Well, kiddos, this is it. The last power rankings where I'll subjectively categorize you as good, terrible, or some mutant hybrid of both. Because after this week's games, the playoff seeds are set. The results speak for themselves. Next week we'll take a peek back at my original projections, and I'll see how I did at predicting the future. But for this one last glorious week, I bring out my "Pin The Ranking On The Donkey" game and assign you all a number that defines your worth in my eyes.

1. Rich (9-3, W4, Previous #2)
In the closest horse race of the season, Rich has established himself as the best team in the league. Most of this has to do with Tony Romo, who was been lights out all season, and provides consistently solid numbers at QB. Romo has also put Rich in an excellent position to win this week, but that's irrelevant for this discussion.

2. Shawn (9-3, L1, Previous #1)
It would be tragic if Shawn fell to #3 after his late-season stranglehold on the #1 spot. Shawn's best hope this week is that Willie Parker runs roughshod over the Bengals defense, allowing him to get past Rich and stay on top. Randy Moss will likely look to get back in the spotlight after a ho-hum game last week against Philadelphia.

3. Slimmy (8-4, L1, Previous #3)
Say what you will about Slims (and most of us already have done more than our fair share of that), but I give him major props for being smarter than Norv Turner and benching Pip Rivers. Slimmy rides the emotional roller coaster known as Clinton Portis into the playoffs. Will Portis go into Incredible Hulk mode and explode for 500 yards and 10 touchdowns? Or will he be distraught at the loss of one of his closest friends?

4. Hefty (7-5, W1, Previous #4)
There are not enough exclamation points in this world to show how happy I am that Adrian Peterson is playing this week. Even if he shares the load with Chester Taylor, he's way better than Julius Jones (understatement of the decade), and I feel like I actually have a shot to win this thing with him healthy. I also like the fact that if I make it to the Championship, Carson Palmer plays the Browns again.

5. Jordan (7-5, W2, Previous #6)
Peyton hasn't been Peyton this year, but he's still good enough to start every week no questions asked. Jordan is riding two hot hands at running back in Marion Barber and Ryan Grant into the playoffs and frankly, I'd be terrified if I had to play him Round 1 of the playoffs.

6. Aaron (7-5, L2, Previous #5)
I said the same thing a few weeks ago, but this team has too much talent on the bench and not enough star power in the starting lineup. A more aggressive trade strategy seems like it would have paid large dividends for the Lymez Nutz. I see a brief, uneventful one-and-done for A-Rep.

7. Craig (5-7, L1, Previous #7)
I am astonished to learn that Jamal Lewis is 6th among all running backs in scoring. There's no way I could have guessed that. Lucky for Craig, Cleveland has one of the easiest schedules in the league over the next 3 weeks. Next year, somebody remind me to only draft players from teams who finished in last place the year before. By the by, there's a feature in SI about the Browns being winners all of the sudden that I'm really excited to read. It's official, I'm on this Browns bandwagon.

8. Shelby (5-7, L2, Previous #8)
I hope Shelby does make the playoffs, for the sole reason that his QBs are Brett Favre and Marc Bulger and they both might not play next week. Seeing Shelby panic-sign a guy like Kellen Clemens will be awesome.

9. Mike (5-7, W1, Previous #10)
He's got the Derek Anderson thing going for him, which is a major plus. Unfortunately, I think he'll be on the outside looking in after I shellack him this weekend. I do fully endorse my co-columnist in the Consolation Ladder tournament, however.

10. Adam (5-7, W3, Previous #9)
Ouch. Dude rips off a three game win streak and I bump him down a spot. Adam's receivers are still dreck at this point in the season, which hurts his chances of making a deep run. For the most part though, Adam's season hinges on both Adrian Petersons. If one of them plays well, Chester Taylor will be back on the bench, and if the other one can't handle a starting role, then Adam's goose is cooked.

11. Deewaan (4-8, W1, Previous #11)
Actually, I don't hope Shelby makes the playoffs. I hope Deewaan makes the playoffs. May Steve Smith unleash the lightning this week for you, good sir.

12. Melvin (1-11, L9, Previous #12)
I'm glad this is the team that Eli Manning plays for. It makes me imagine the Giants being 1-11 and ballistic New Yorkers throwing hot soup or feces on him as he walks down the street.

Good luck to everyone in the final week!!

Week 12 Round Up: Bajingos and Sasquatches

Sean Taylor, although far from my favorite player, sure did put a lickin' on some Cowboys.

Well, this feature's got one more week of life left in it. When the playoffs start up, I reckon I'll be firing up a brand new recap feature to clue you in on the real happenings of the NFL Fantasy scene. With that in mind, let's break down our second-to-last sets of Bajingos and Sasquatches.

BAJINGOS

1. Arizona D, Tennessee D, Detroit D - The Cardinals and Titans both redefined defensive suckitude this week, as each put up a saucy negative 2 points. The Lions outdid them with negative 3! Very nice. Speaking of Tennessee, my free Titans windbreaker finally arrived as my gift for subscribing to Sports Illustrated. You know how you know I'm gay? I ordered a Titans windbreaker because I like their colors.

2. Lee Evans - Evans was held to 2 catches for 19 yards after looking like he had finally turned the corner this season. Word out of Buffalo is that the Bills will take one more ride on the quarterback carousel, with Trent Edwards starting next week. Nothing like switching QBs every two weeks to help build continuity among an offense.

3. Clinton Portis - Portis had a decent game overall, piling up 101 total yards on 20 carries and 5 catches. However, he also lost two fumbles in a turnoverfest down in Tampa.

4. LenDale White - The USC Thug put up 3.2 points against the NFL's worst defense. Enough said.

5. Pretty Much Everybody Who Played Last Night, But Especially Heath Miller - 0 catches, 0 yards, 0 vicious tackles on Joey Porter after his interception. J-Peezy got off easy, as Big Ben was the one who wrassled him to the mud-drenched turf.

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SASQUATCHES

1. Kurt Warner - Game-ending/suicide-pool-destroying fumble or not, 484 yards is 484 yards. Curious statline for Tim Rattay in this game though, who came in for 1 pass, tossed a touchdown, and got out of dodge. A closer look at his stats shows that this has actually been the case in 3 of the past 5 games.

2. Kolby Smith - Herm Edwards does not baby his running backs. A year after feeding Larry Johnson an NFL record number of carries, the Chiefs, who are quickly running out of fresh bodies to run the ball, gave rookie Kolby Smith the rock 31 times. He responded with 150 yards and 2 touchdowns.

3. Vikings D - Anybody who can make Eli Manning look like he's just pissed himself is a winner in my book. The Vikings set an NFL record by taking three of Manning's throws back the other way for touchdowns.

4. Brett Favre - Watching Packers/Lions helped ease the pain in my bloated gut after a Thanksgiving Day feast. Favre was surgical on Sunday, completing 20 straight passes, despite the fact that the Packers refused to run the ball during that period to take some of the load off Favre. I dislike Favre, but he definitely displayed some big time accuracy and the dude still has a cannon at age 38. Favre finished with 381 yards and 3 TDs.

5. Chad Johnson - Another guy I'm growing to dislike is Chad Johnson. Once upon a time, when I owned him in my keeper league, Chad was my favorite non-Eagle in the league, with his jaw-dropping catches and zany celebrations. Now, he's starting to become the Paris Hilton of the NFL. He doesn't do all that much anymore, and yet, the camera refuses to look away. Well, for once, Chad had a great game, hauling in 12 catches for 103 yards and 3 scores.

A-Rep's Week 5 Crystal Ball

Aaron looks into the future with the help of Saruman The White.

Editor's Note: It appears that the Games of The Week feature is back! Aaron will be tackling this weekend's top matchups to see who's got a leg up. Enjoy.

GAMES TO WATCH!!!!

Runner up…Hawaii McLovin at MichaelPJackson
Why this game do you ask? Well, I looked at this and thought…OH…INTENSE BROTHER RIVALRY…
And then I thought some more about how their pregame conversations might sound…
“oh brother! Let me tell you again how funny your team name is!!!”
“oh brother! You’re too kind! ‘tis your team name that is funniest of all the names in the land!!”
“you’re the best! I can’t stand the thought of beating you this week! :-(”
“GUESS WHAT!!!! I was thinking the same thing! OMG! We think so much alike!!!! I can’t stand the thought of beating you!!!””
“Giggle! Let’s bench our entire teams so that we tie!!”
“you are as smart as you are cute brother. I agree! TIE WE WILL!”

This brings me to my pick for GAME of the WEEK…
Kinda of obvious but…KIM JONG AT GRYLLS
This game is a pivotal game for control of division supremacy and the all important race to clinch a coveted playoff spot. Let’s delve slightly…
Let’s face it…there is a nasty dog fight goin’ on in the evil kingdom of the decepticons. Hefty needs this win to stay atop of the pack. Especially for reign of the A.P.T.S.!!! And it’s pretty much a given that I am gonna beat craig this week. Jordan needs this win. If me and hefty come out this week with W’s…the APTS gain immunity from being kicked off the island and also get a free pass to tell more inside jokes through the blog.

Important Side note:
Pay close attention to the Junk Jabber at Fritzs game. Besides the fact that Larry Craig’s under the stall foot rubbing might get him lucky against the jabber boyz, the fritzs also have a tough 1-3 record due to some tough matchups. I think we all have the feeling that the Quad D’s and the Holiday teddy bears don’t have a shot at the playoffs…but if the fritz’s fall to 1-4, it’ll be an awfully tough climb back into the playoff race.

Phitin' Phillies Phlayoff Phever!

When Rich Ely speaks, you'd best take off them earmuffs.

Editor's Note: The Chumley awards will be handed out tomorrow. In the meantime, I'd like to pull back the curtain on a brand new featurette here on ALSAP!!, entitled Phitin' Phillies Phlayoff Phever! Since I know nothing about the MLB as an entity, but enjoy the sucess of the local squad, I thought we should cover this topic, yet deemed myself incapable. So, pinch hitting for me on this column is our resident baseball guru and Phils fan, Rich Ely. His words are as follows. This featurette will continue only as long as the Phillies do; so please root, root, root for the home team. If they don't win...well I kind of figured they wouldn't.
Take it away, Rich!

E-A-G-L-E-S- Phillies?!?!

You heard it right, pee faces. April is finally here and that means its time to kick of a brand spanking new season of America’s favorite pastime… what? It’s not April? What? Baseball isn’t America’s favorite pastime? In fact, it ranks somewhere between Seinfeld re-runs and Dangling Ding Dongs on the Delaware shores? Really, you say?

Our beloved city, best known for its cheesy meats (no, I’m not making fun of any of the league member’s members) and year-after-year *insert sport here* underperformances has finally brought October baseball back, in dramatic fashion. 2007 - the season that has all the championship-ly challenged Phanatics in Philly asking each other, “Have you seen my baseball?” - has the potential to bring the city more baseball wins than football wins in October. It’s like something that tastes bitter and sweet in your mouth at the same time. Yummy.

Well, enough is enough. Moyer isn’t getting any younger. Lets move on to a game 1 preview.

WEDNESDAY, 3 PM, CITIZENS BANK PARK:
Matchup: Jeff Francis (LHP, 4.22 ERA) vs. Cole Hamels (LHP, 3.39 ERA)

Analysis: Yes, the Rockies have been the hottest in the majors, and although Francis leads the team in wins, his was anything but hot in his last 6 outings recording 3 losses and posting a 5.38 ERA. In his last start against the Phils in mid-September, he lasted only 3.1 innings and yielded 8 runs on 8 hits. Hamels, on the other hand, is one of the League’s premier southpaws and boasts a changeup that would break most of our manly backs. He spent some time on the DL during the end of August and beginning of September, but he looks as strong as ever, winning his last start in the crucial final days of the season while recording 13 K’s. Rollins, Utley, Howard, and Rowand match up pretty evenly with Matsui, Tulowitzki, Holliday, and Helton at this point in the season. We all know these teams can hit… so it’s going to come down to pitching in this one – and the Rockies used 10 of their hurlers on Monday night.

Unlike Peavy, Hamels will baffle Colorado’s lineup and tap the Rockies with an avalanche-mix of pitch speeds. Myers puts runners on in the 9th, but ultimately the extra rest pays off, and the Phils put a frost-brewed liner on the Rockies hot streak. Does anyone else feel like enjoying a cheap beer right now?

Final Score: Phils 5, Rocks 3.

Week 4 Photo Finishes

Playing the putrid Bengals D, there's no telling how many points Brady and Moss might put up tonight.

Looking at the FantasyCast scoreboard, there doesn't seem to be a lot of close games. Even when I was writing Bajingos and Sasquatches, I wasn't even noticing a lot of obvious choices. Why? Well, bye weeks could be one reason, but I'd say that it's because two of the most high-octane offenses in the NFL meet tonight, when the Pats and Bengals face off. With that said, some games that would normally be locked up for one team, could end up being a lot closer than we think. Let's take a peek and try to figure out who comes out on top tonight.

Game 1: Jordan (56.1 point lead) vs. Adam (Tom Brady)

Analysis - 56.1 points is a ridiculous amount. But it's also damn close to the number Carson Palmer put up in Week 2 against the Browns. Here's the thing with tonight's game: the Patriots have a good defense, but might not be comfortably ahead at any point in the game. That's the kind of set-up that allows for quarterbacks to keep throwing, and throwing, and throwing. With Brady's weapons, and the sieve that is the Bengals pass defense, 56.1 points (roughly 400 yards and 6 TDs) isn't actually all that far fetched. Of course, it's not entirely probable either, so I'll say Jordan gets out of this one alive.

Game 2: Mike (Stephen Gostkowski and a 36 point lead) vs. Shawn (Randy Moss)
Analysis - Again, 36 points is attainable for a receiver like Moss. However, if the Patriots do find the end zone that many times, you're tacking on an extra 6 or 7 points for all the Gostkowski extra points, so now Moss theoretically needs around 45 points. That's a little much, even though I say he finds the end zone 2 or 3 times in this one. Mike comes away a winner.

Game 3: Melvin (9.5 point lead) vs. Shelby (Pats D and Shayne Graham)
Analysis - Graham's good for around 5 points, and the defense should get some sacks and find ways to force turnovers for the remainder. Kenny Watson will be the Bengals starting running back and could have a lot of trouble running against the Patriots, which may lead to some fumble issues. I look for Shelby to get the win here and improve to 2-2.

Bonus Prediction: Jake Peavy throws 7 scoreless innings to set up a Padres-Phillies first round showdown. Padres 3, Rockies 1

Grade the Trade: 9/27/07

Mike Walbert and Jon Hefty announce a 5 player trade. Bisbee will receive Marshawn Lynch and Jerry Porter, and will send Jerrious Norwood, Wes Welker, and Matt Schaub to Chicago.
Also, since I'm far too biased to properly write this segment of Grade the Trade, I now turn things over to our dearest and baldest friend, Mr. Jordan K Yingling.

GRADE THE TRADE: Look out people, the 4th trade of the season is on the table and it could be the highest profile trade ever, ever…
That’s right folks, the most valuable fantasy asset this league has seen since the Cardinals defense of ’03 is swapping squads. Matt Schaub could be just the spark needed to turn the Chicago Bear Grylls season around. Let’s hit the stat sheet and see what the Grylls gave up to land this fantasy gem and a few low profile players to boot.

Bisbee Ball Maulers receive:
Jerry Porter, OAK – WR
2007: 3 Gm, 4 Rec, 92 Yds, 59 Y/G, 23 Avg, 1 TD
2006: 4 Gm, 1 Rec, 19 Yds, 5 Y/G, 19 Avg, 1 TD
2005: 16 Gm, 76 Rec, 942 Yds, 31 Y/G, 12 Avg, 5 TD

Marshawn Lynch BUF – RB
2007: 3 Gm, 57 Att, 228 Yds, 76 Y/G, 4.0 Avg, 2 TD

MY TAKE - MAULERS: Marshawn Lynch has shown that he has some solid talent and that he may pan out to be a solid NFL running back. He’s managed to gain a respectable 4.0 yrds per carry and has found paydirt twice already this season. Even more impressive he’s shown this skill against Denver, Pittsburgh, and New England. Unfortunately for him, he plays on the Bills. Buffalo boosts the most unproductive offensive unit in football, producing an average of 8 pts/game thus far. I’m not saying they’re the worst team in football, I’m just saying that they’re not better than any team any of you might think is the worst team in football. More importantly with games against BALT, NYJ, CIN, MIA, and NE upcoming none of these numbers should increase anytime soon.
Jerry Porter? Let’s just say that when I saw a clip of him scoring a touchdown last week I honestly thought I was watching a 2004 Oakland Raiders season recap. I honestly thought Art Shell had barred from the league for life. I know analysts are saying this guy is poised to have a big 2007, but personally I’d rather go skinny dipping with my Grandma than have him, or any other Raider for that matter, on my team.

Chicago Bear Grylls receive:
Jerious Norwood, ATL – RB
2007: 3 Gm, 20 Att, 95 Yds, 32 Y/G, 4.8 Avg, 0 TD
2006: 14 Gm, 99 Att, 633 Yds, 45 Y/G, 6.4 Avg, 2 TD

Wes Welker, NE – WR
2007: 3 Gm, 20 Rec, 221 Yds, 74 Y/G, 11 Avg, 1 TD
2006: 16 Gm, 67 Rec, 687 Yds, 43 Y/G, 10 Avg, 1 TD
2005: 16 Gm, 29 Rec, 434 Yds, 27 Y/G, 15 Avg, 0 TD

Matt Schaub, HOU – QB
2007: 3 Gm, 100 QBRat, 76 Cmp%, 688 Yds, 4 TD, 3 Int
2006: 16 Gm, 71 QBRat, 67 Cmp%, 208 Yds, 1 TD, 2 Int
2005: 16 Gm, 98 QBRat, 52 Cmp%, 495 Yds, 4 TD, 0 Int

MY TAKE - GRYLLS: I’m not going to beat around the bush here… cause that would be disgusting, but Jerious Norwood is an absolute animal. I know he’s not a number one Running Back on his team, but neither should Warrick Dunn be. He’s shown glimpses of genius throughout last year and a few times already this year. I give the Falcons 1 – 2 more games before they realize they’re wasting their time starting Warrick Dunn every game and not giving this young talent the reps he needs to break out in this league. Unlike with Lynch and the Bills, Norwood and the Falcons should have some serious opportunities to put up some yards in the next few games as they face HOU, TENN, NYG, and NO. In limited action this season he’s averaging 4.8 yrds /rush, given the opportunity he could get back to his impressive 6.4 yrds /rush average from last season.
Wes Welker… do we really need to say more than he’s a receiver for the Patriots? No, not really… but what the hell. Tom Brady has shown a solid connection with Welker thus far and with the way the Patriots are playing right now this has no reason to change. Add to this the fact that the Patriots cheat regularly and Welker’s consistent performance should continue throughout the year.
Okay, Matt Schaub is mediocre at best and should consistently sit on the Grylls’ bench. He’s got years of experience sittin the bench so this really shouldn’t be a change for him.


OVERALL: All in all, I got to give a slight nod to the Chicago Bear Grylls with this trade. Yes, I’m mainly basing this on the fact that I’m 100% sure Jerry Porter will break the league rules on substance abuse before the end of the season (I’m talking about weed. Just look at him, he loves it.) With the injury to Deuce McAllister, Marshawn Lynch gives the Maulers a starting running back to immediately patch up a thin fantasy RB lineup.
For the Grylls, the addition of a skilled wideout playing for the most productive offensive unit in the game right now should immediately bolster an already solid fantasy WR corps. Add to that the upside that comes with Norwood and the opportunity to unload the Sex Canon that comes with Schaub and you got yourself a fantasy trade victory. THE END.

Oh yeah, I forgot to talk about what Jerry Porter adds to the Maulers. Ummmmm, besides a reason to watch Raiders games… A headache? No, the answer is nothing. He brings nothing. He’s a terd. THE END.

Week 2 Matchups: Chili Con Carnival!

Everyone's two favorite computer nerds square off in BlogBowl I.

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Aaron's too good to write this column for me this week so I'll do it my own damn self.
Let's take a look at two of Week 2's key matchups.
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Runner Up: Bisbee vs. Chicago
This battle of 1-0 teams should be a good one. Chicago QB Carson Palmer squares off against his former mentor in Cincinnati, Jon Kitna, who now proudly plays for Bisbee. Mike's running backs are the key to this matchup, neither Parker or McAllister scored last week, and to beat me, they'll have to find paydirt. For me, this game seems like a slam dunk. Carson Palmer's playing the Browns, Tomlinson's still the best player in the league, and Purple Jebus is playing the University of Buffalo, or some similarly terrible defense.
My prediction: Parker, Kitna and Gates score enough points to give me a good scare, but ultimately, I'll be improving to 2-0.
My solution on how to make this game more important: If I win, I get to ghostwrite one of your columns in the Arizona Republic. If you win, I'll destroy the tape of me and Aunt Judy I've been blackmailing you with all of these years.
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The Main Event!: Hawaii vs. North Korea
The other battle of unbeatens this week is between Slimmy and Jordan. I'll take "Sentences I Never Thought I'd Type" for a thousand, Alex! Slimmy's been talking a hot game this week, but there's a chance that Chicago could actually play 11 men in the box this week to stop Larry Johnson, so he's useless. Philip Rivers took a play out of the Briscoe High playbook last week, handing off to Tomlinson, who then played quarterback better than his actual quarterback. So he's useless. Clinton Portis is playing the Eagles, so he's useless. However, TJ Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson are playing the Browns, and their stat lines will look like something out of a Madden game. I'm guessing 325+ yards and 3 touchdowns combined. Yikes.
HOWEVA, Jordan has my new favorite player, Reggie Wayne, who gets to feast on the Titans. He might also get 325 yards and 3 touchdowns on his own. He's also got Shaun Alexander (playing Arizona), Hines Ward (playing Buffalo), and Jay Cutler (playing Oakland). All good matchups for Jordan's boys this week.
My prediction: Jordan by double digits.
My solution on how to make this game more important: If Slimmy wins, he gets to masturbate while playing X Box. If Jordan wins, he gets to feed Slimmy his pubes in a bowl of chili.

Commissioner Craig's Cinema Critic Corner Column!

Disclaimer: Movies reviewed may or may not include 'Just My Luck'

Editor's Note: When the Commish speaks, it's my job to post his words. Here's some...um...movies he thinks you should watch.
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What the heck do you do on the two nights a week when there are no football games? You watch movies!!

The Lookout - Starring Jeff Daniels, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (10 Things I Hate About You) and Ilsa Fisher (Wedding Crashers)
The tale of a brain-damaged twenty-something talked into helping rob a bank by his new, mysterious friends.
This movie starts out a little slow, but really picks up in the last 1/3. The action isn't overly intense, but it's enough to keep you entertained and wonder what you'd be like if your wires were crossed.

Slovenly Couch Potato Grade: B+

Hot Fuzz - Starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Both of Shawn of the Dead)
The boys from uproarious Shawn of the Dead are back for a try their hands at a cop/caper movie. Nicholas Angel (Pegg) is an overachieving officer in London that is so good at his job, he makes everyone else look bad. They ship him off to the quiet town of Sanford to be a desk jockey, but strange happenings are afoot. I'll be honest. This movie was completely different than what I expected. I think it is still very good, but don't expect a slap-stick comedy that the previews portrayed. A mix of satire, creepiness and action make it a dynamo of a movie that finishes with a bang.

Slovenly Couch Potato Grade: A- (Girls like it zero)

THE BIGGEST GAME OF OUR LIVES…..nay….OF THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!! (WEEK 1 EDITION)

It's Week 1: Time to seperate the lions from the wildebeests.

.Editor's Note: This will be a regular featurette here on Fisting Jerry Dunn. Aaron Repucci, previously of such fine columns as The Steelers Preview (parts 1 and 2), will check in weekly to offer his take on the most tantalizing games of the week. I now turn this space over to him. Enjoy.

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Welcome Westside FFLeaguers, to the first post of my weekly guest featurette in which I will take a look at what I think is the most crucial/interesting/pivotal/saucy game of the week in deciding the fate of the Westside.

.Week 1!!!!!!!!!

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. Runner up: BecaHigh DanKendra’s????? vs. the Canadian Cripplers

This game has little to do with Hussein at this point and much to do about Davis. Adam received so much crap for his entire draft and is currently sitting in the twelfth spot of Hefty’s infamous power rankings. This is a chance for him to prove his team worthy! Can he ride the laser rocket arm of P-diddy? Currently, the much maligned DanKendra’s have been given the edge over the cripplers in ESPN’s breakdown. Could the DanKendra’s (what the heck is a DanKendra anyways??? Sounds like Steely McBeam could have found a Poodle Beach buddy) move up in the power rankings and out of Jerry Dunn’s anal canal??????

My prediction: Davis will in fact ride P-diddy’s arm to victory in this one…DAVIS WINS!!!!
*side note of this game: much debate has come of Randy Moss’s ’07 potential production. Is the illustrious, expert analyst Virginia Slims Davis right???

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GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!: The JABROC JUNK JABBERS vs. the lymez DIZ-EEZ NUTZ!!!

Connecticut is too small for two Westside FFL powerhouses! Plus, the Asian hero from Heroes took the number one spot in the power rankings right out of the gate making him the sassy, hot team to beat. Can his young, promising team live up to their expectations??? The diz-eez nutz will certainly make the jabbers think twice before they jab. Just look at the head to head in our league’s week 1 break down…it’s a close one!!!

So…my prediction??? The Diz-eez nutz win by a Deewaan pube…yeah yeah yeah…I know what you’re thinking…of course you’re gonna pick your team. But let’s look a little closer. I think that the WR, RB, TE, K matchups couldn’t be closer. The Steelers have a slight edge playing against the Browns compared to the Skins against the Dolls. BUT! Where the ESPN breakdown has it wrong, I think, is at the QB position. I think veteran QB Matty Hass will fare much better against a weak Bucz crew at home than young Homo will against a big division rival (night game nonetheless). NO PRESSURE, Homie Romie Rue!!!
*game side note: Rich and A-Rep’s manhood is on the line as they will be spending much of the NFL weekend together watching the game…with their respective belle’s!!!! Who will be the stud and who will be the dud????!!!

LET’S WATCH!!!

Remember…you heard it here first!!!