Week 10: Photo Finishes

"Melvin in lane 2 and Rich in lane 5 pull ahead of the competition!"

There are a couple games that won't be decided until the smoke has cleared at the University of Phoenix Stadium tonight. Let's see who's walking away with a W.

Shelby (+4.1, Frank Gore) vs. Melvin (Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald) - This one is pretty simple from where I stand. Frank Gore puts up about 16 points a game. Warner and Fitzgerald combine for about 40 points every week.
Prediction: Melvin wins to take over the #1 spot.

Rich (+29.6) vs. Aaron (Anquan Boldin) - Boldin's best week of the year is 39 points against the Dolphins in week 2. Since then he's had plates put in his face to he could be more like Wolverine. He'll need the same effort to help Aaron stop Rich from going to 6-4.
Prediction: Rich hangs on to solidify the #5 spot.

Week 9 Power Rankings: The Presidents Edition

"One day, these great big heads will be joined by the 2008 Westside Village Fantasy Football Champion."

#1 Hefty (7-2, W2, 119.5 avg, Previously #2) - Ronald Reagan - He's not acting at all. He's dominating bitches. Hefty has the highest average weekly score by nearly 5 points over the next competitor. Reagan garnered 526 electoral votes, the most ever. If no one does anything, Hefty's looking at a second term as League Champion.

#2 Jordan (7-2, W3, 110.1 avg, Previously #3) - Dwight Eisenhower - This one is easy folks. Dwight D and Jordan share a very unique trait and it isn't returning from abroad from a successful war as the leader of the Allied Attack. Nope, they're both free from the burden of hair.

#3 Melvin (7-2, L2, 114.7 avg, Previously #1) - George H.W. Bush - He was on the top of his game for a while and tried to ride the coattails of Reagan for a 2nd term. That little promise of no new taxes kinda back fired and he found himself out of the Oval Office and has attended every sporting event in Texas history since. He especially likes those rascally Astros. To the point, Melvin was just cruising along and has now hit a rough patch. He's in no danger of missing the playoffs, but a high seed could be in danger.

#4 Rich (5-4, W1, 103.9 avg, Previously #5) - James K. Polk - Do you know much about him? No, neither do I.

#5 Craig (4-5, L1, 111.5 avg, Previously #4) - Jimmy Carter - Sandwiched between two Republicans on either side of his Presidency, Carter gave America a taste of the liberalism it thought it needed and then quickly realized it wanted nothing to do with. He's responsible for starting Habitat for Humanity and likes to get involved in foreign politics years after his term ended. He's a nice guy and I'm already struggling with this column.

#6 Shelby (6-3, W1, 96.3 avg, Previously #9) - Teddy Roosevelt - His motto was "walk softly and carry a big stick." Well, Shelby certainly hasn't been scoring much with the 3rd lowest average in the league, but he's winning. He could be a real ball-ache for someone in the playoffs.

#7 Jonesy (4-5, W3, 94.7 avg, Previously #10) - Franklin Roosevelt - When Jonesy took office, things did not look good at all. His team was laughed at post-draft and came out of the gates about as quickly as Paris Hilton doing long division. However, after a few prudent moves like Social Security, FDIC, SEC, and the CCC, Jonesy was riding high and 4-1 over his last five games. Whether or not he can sustain the longest fantasy football tenure in history remains to be seen.

#8 Mike (3-6, L2, 112.1 avg, Previously #6) - JFK - Let's cut to the chase, like John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Mike scores a lot. Unfortunately for Skidmark Mishap, his playoff hopes are about to be assassinated if he doesn't win this week. It's sad to see a promising fellow cut down in his prime. I think though, that it may be a reach to think Mike's exit will galvanize a nation.

#9 Shawn (3-6, L3, 103.5 avg, Previously #7) - Chester A. Arthur - I received good information that Shawn is attempting to grow a beard in the mold of our favorite facial haired leader. Oh, and his team is crap right now.

#10 Dave (3-6, L1, 97 avg, Previously #8) - William J. Clinton - Dave doesn't necessarily make the strongest picks for his team and just like Clinton's picks some floozies for his cabinet. Good thing for Dave is, he's only a Cuban and a pussy away from stepping closer to the playoffs.

#11 Aaron (2-7, W2, 95 avg, Previously #11) - Harry S. Truman - They printed papers the night of the election that showed Truman's opponent Thomas Dewey had beaten his incumbent bid for the Presidency. Truman flipped off the doubters and he retained the White House to later be named one of the top presidents in history. Aaron has faced similar doubters in this league but he's given everyone a big EFF YOU by winning two straight.

#12 Davis (3-6, L3, 95.9 avg, Previously #11) - Herbert Hoover - The Great Depression. The Cellar. The Bottom of the Barrel. Synonyms for sucking ass. Here lies Adam's season.

The Tony Awards: Week 9

"Hey there fella. I think I see some pretty handsome award winners out there."

Well, the election has come and gone and so has week 9! It's in the books and a bunch of really fun things happened. Aaron won, and Melvin lost, again! Dave's three game winning streak came to a screeching halt and so did Shelby's three game losing streak. Coincidentally, they scored the fewest and most points in the league, respectively. Now it's time to hand out some week 9 certificates of studliness.

Hefty def. Craig - And the Tony goes to Derek Mason. I probably could have just awarded Hefty's team's consistency. I mean seriously. Four guys scored exactly 14 points. Show me a time that's happened before, in any league. No, the award goes to Mason because he destroyed my hopes of pulling off a win and embarrassed the Browns secondary in the process.

Jordan def. Melvin - And the Tony goes to Adrian Peterson. He's hardly in a sophomore slump, but he's not breaking his rookie season records by any means. Peterson's 20 points helped stave off another weak effort by the Poopy Heads. Both teams need to score more if they want to go anywhere in the playoffs.

Aaron def. Dave - And the Tony goes to Clinton Portis. On a night where his QB got hurt and the Redskins got totally dominated, Burrito Rice was somehow able to pull out a close battle. Portis didn't find the endzone or top 100 yards but he caught a bunch of passes and still ended up with 15.5 points to win it for Aaron.

Shelby def. Mike - And the Tony goes to Peyton Manning. I have to reward Shelby for sticking with his stud even after I criticized him for not playing Peyton and then the strategy backfired the following week. Your number 1 picks will win you more games than they'll lose. Shelby's big week came just in the nick of time as Mike was forced to bench Brees with a bye. Can't catch a break this year, hoss.

Jonesy def. Shawn - And the Tony goes to Antonio Bryant. Yeah, you read that right. Antonio "I got thrown out of Dallas by Bill Parcells and I suck because I went to Pitt" Bryant. He scored 22 points!! Are you kidding! Jonesy's wins have certainly been due to some stellar waiver wire pick-ups. Anal Leakage is creeping closer towards the playoffs.

Rich def. Davis - And the Tony goes to Brandon Jacobs. In the tighest game of the weekend, Rich relied on his big beef in the backfield and it paid off nicely. Dallas had no answer for Jacobs as the Giants rolled. Rich also sent the DumpTanks to their third straight loss, eekers!

Photo Finishes: Week 9

"ALSAP - We put the 'wing' in swing-vote!!"

Below are the games coming down to the wire on this election-eve. An interesting note is that over the last 17 presidential elections, a Redskins victory in the game prior to the election means that the party that won the previous popular vote won the election. If the Redskins lost, the party that lost the previous popular vote won the election. If history holds true, Redskins win=McCain, Steelers win=Obama.

Dave (+8.2, Santana Moss, Shawn Suisham) vs. Aaron (Big Ben, Clinton Portis). Let's make this quick. Big Ben and Portis combine for over 20 points in their sleep. Dave needs big time connections from Campbell to Moss.
Prediction: Aaron wins his 2nd in a row!

Mike (+7.7) vs. Shelby (Santonio Holmes, Steelers D)
Prediction: Shelby wins easy.

Davis (+2.9) vs. Rich (Hines Ward). There's a chance Ward will be shutout, but I seriously doubt it. He needs 2 receptions for 20 yards to win it for Rich.
Prediction: Rich sends Davis further into Playoff purgitory.

Grade The Trade: 11/9/07

Not-So-Breaking News: Bisbee and Canada have reached terms on a six-player deal. The trade sent Willie Parker and Jon Kitna to the Great White North, in return for Brian Griese, Kevin Jones, and Joey Galloway, who head out to the Wild Wild West.

From Shawn's Perspective:
Can't say I see a downside here. Shawn gets a Top-12 back, who is the workhorse runner on an offense best known for its workhorse runners. Parker will provide serious stability at the running back position, and pairing him with Willis McGahee gives him one of the best backfields in the league.
As for Kitna, he's at very worst a good fantasy backup, which is better than you could say about the QB's that the Cripplers have been trotting out on the field every week so far. Kitna has underperformed despite a plethora of talented receivers, but really, what else is new in Detroit?

From Mike's Perspective:
Mike recieves a three-player-combo-meal, which is to say he attempted to trade star power for depth. The only problem is, I'm not sure that's what he accomplished here.
Griese won't need to hit the field unless disaster strikes Derek Anderson, although given Sunday's injury and subsequent Rextacy, Griese might not be hitting any field but the practice field any time soon.
Kevin Jones has turned himself into a somewhat reliable option after missing the early part of the season. For the purposes of this trade review, I'm willing to overlook his Sunday stat line (4 carries, -4 yards, 1 TD). But all things considered, Mike's three backs are now Marshawn Lynch, Kevin Jones, and Najeh Davenport. That's not exactly the most comfortable situation.
Joey Galloway is the headliner in this deal for Mike, plain and simple. Galloway, who seems like he's been in the league forever at this point, is still playing some of his best ball, getting in a nice groove with Jeff Garcia. Bringing him into the starting lineup, and tossing turds like Jerry Porter and Santana Moss to the waiver wire may be the best thing about this trade for Mikey.

Overall: I'd have to say the edge goes to Shawn. Mike does get a big boost at WR, but he basically gives away a strong backup QB and one of the better runners in the league to do so. I'm not totally sure that's worth it. I hope you prove me wrong, Bisbee, because the Cripplers could be running away with my division title.

Week 9 Double Shot: Power Bajingos and Power Sasquatches

Grab a cup of coffee and check out the hot new double feature.

Well sports fans, it's time to unveil the latest set of Power Rankings. And since Bajingos and Sasquatches went by the wayside this week, I'm combining the two features into one mega-feature. We'll not only rank the teams, we'll point out each team's strengths and weaknesses with the old B's and S's formats.

1. Canadian Cripplers (7-2, L1, Previous #1)
I know what you're thinking..."But he lost!! To the number 2 team in the rankings!! He can't still be #1!!!" Actually, yes he can. Since Sunday, he's gotten significantly better via trade (more on this later), and Slimfast may have gotten significantly worse.
BAJINGO - Looking at his roster as it stands pre-trade, the holes on this team are Brian Griese and Kevin Jones. Post-trade, those holes are filled. Ladies and gentlemen, that is a good trade.
SASQUATCH - The receiving trio of Colston, Randy Moss, and Chris Henry. That's right, the same Chris Henry who hasn't played a snap in 2007. He's already a Sasquatch. He's going to be awesome.

2. Hawaii McLovin (7-2, W2, Previous #2)
As I mentioned, Paul's team got some bad news, as it looks like Chad Johnson may miss this game, and his brother Larry will definitely miss this game. Replacing those two? Justin Fargas and Nate Burleson. Burleson's a half-decent receiver, and a superb punt returner, but Craig has made it perfectly clear that punt returns don't mean a damn thing.
BAJINGO - Philip Rivers is way too hot and cold to be counted on as we come up on playoff time. 4 games with multiple touchdowns, 4 games with a goose egg.
SASQUATCH - Clinton Portis slipped to the third round of our draft this year, mainly due to concerns about injuries and the presence of Ladell Betts. Well, if we were doing things over again, Portis would likely end up going in the first round. He's been the workhorse in Washington, and last week's 196 yard performance was a dandy.

3. Chicago Bear Grylls (6-3, W2, Previous #3)
I believe it's okay to announce that I made the steal of the draft by taking Adrian Peterson with the first pick of the FIFTH round, right? Everybody cool with that? Thought so.
BAJINGO - Although it's hard to call anybody in the top 10 at their position a Bajingo, Steve Smith probably deserves it. Smith is the Philip Rivers of wide receivers. Is he going to erupt for 100 plus yards and a touchdown, or is he going to finish the game with 2 catches for 14 yards? Your guess is as good as mine.
SASQUATCH - Peterson's the obvious answer, but I'll go with Braylon Edwards and Wes Welker. These two have become essential cogs in their offense, and now rank #3 and #5 at their position respectively. Unlike Smith, these guys are going to get their hands on the ball each and every week.

4. Jabroc Junk Jabbers (6-3, W1, Previous #5)
The rebirth of Lee Evans is impressive. It makes me enraged that I traded him and Dallas Clark for Eli Manning in my other league, but it's still impressive none the less.
BAJINGO - Jesse Chatman. What, Samkon Gado wasn't available?
SASQUATCH - The Tonys. Romo and Gonzalez. I think you should rename your team "Two Wetbacks Named Tony" to honor these two Hispanic gentlemen who share the same first name.

5. Dizeez Nutz (6-3, W1, Previous #4)
Aaron's almost a lock for the playoffs despite scoring just 3.2 points more than the lowest scoring team in the league. So I have to knock him down a peg from last week.
BAJINGO - Frank Gore. Hasn't ran for more than 88 yards in a game, and hasn't scored a TD since Week 2. Horribly disappointing season for a first round pick.
SASQUATCH - Steelers D and Nick Folk. These are the two most consistent contributors. It's a good thing we didn't go with Punters and Coaches. Aaron seems to have the market cornered on all the useless categories.

6. License To Kim Jong Il (5-4, W1, Previous #7)
Speaking of horribly disappointing first round picks, hey, it's Shaun Alexander!!!
BAJINGO - Alexander. Not even the movie "Alexander" was this big of a flop. And that movie featured extended Colin Farrell manass.
SASQUATCH - Kellen Winslow. The Second. He's been healthy, and he's been consistent, scoring 8 or more points in every game this season.

7. Bisbee Ball Maulers (4-5, L1, Previous #6)
The Jon Kitna Experience is over in Bisbee. The trade gives Mike the ancient Joey Galloway, who is currently the #8 ranked WR. Any move that gets Jerry Porter out of a team's starting lineup has to be considered a positive one.
BAJINGO - Anquan Boldin has cooled off since a white hot start to the season, mostly due to injury. However, if you're playing "Find The Bajingo" on a team with Jerry Porter, the rule of thumb is to just go with Jerry Porter.
SASQUATCH - Derek Anderson. I've made a few statements about some good free agent pickups this season, but when it boils down to it, there's no better addition than Derek Anderson, who currently ranks ahead of Peyton Manning, despite not starting in Week 1. Marshawn Lynch also gets some definite Sasquatch consideration.

8. Pocket T Bags (4-5, W2, Previous #10)
Shelby has a death grip on the #1 waiver wire priority. I'm actually a little astonished he didn't use it this week to pick up Koy Detmer, which would have been our shrewdest signing to date.
BAJINGO - Darrell Jackson is a major bust after switching scenery in the NFC West this offseason. Instead of catching 14 passes in a game like former teammate Bobby Engram did for Seattle last week, Jackson has caught 20 balls all season in San Fran.
SASQUATCH - Joseph Addai. This week, Addai, the second ranked running back, goes up against the same Chargers defense that allowed 296 yards and three touchdowns to the first ranked running back, Adrian Peterson, just a week ago.

9. Delaware Ding Dong Danglers (3-6, L1, Previous #8)
With Drew Brees catching fire of late, this could be a dangerous squad if they can manage to grab one of the last playoff spots.
BAJINGO - It would be easy to say Steven Jackson, but I don't know how well I could run if my groin muscle decided to explode. Instead I'll go with Reggie Brown, who's one half of the most frustrating WR duo in the NFL. Watching Owens explode on the Eagles for 10 catches and 150 yards, while Donovan fumbled on the first play and sailed passes into the stands made me wish things had turned out somewhat differently in Philadelphia.
SASQUATCH - LenDale White. LenDale had virtually no buzz before the season that made anybody believe he could be a featured back. Now, he's carried the ball 25 times or more in the last four games.

10. Death Knell (3-6, W1, Previous #12)
Step one of the transformation is complete. Craig is just a game out of the playoff hunt and has a new bad-ass persona. Now all you need is a tattoo that says "Bad Mothereffer" and you'll be a force to be reckoned with, my friend.
BAJINGO - Marvin Harrison. He's faking. I think somebody's just jealous that Reggie Wayne has emerged as the Top Dawg in Indy. (Come to think of it, a "Top Dawg" tattoo would work too, Craig.)
SASQUATCH - Brian Westbrook and T.O. Both ranked #4 in their respective positions. Boy, it's funny how even fantasy offenses click when these two are paired up.

11. Hollidaysburgs MPJ's (2-7, L2, Previous #9)
A two game win streak is now forgotten and Adam's quickly headed back down to his preseason residence.
BAJINGO - Cedric Benson, Hines Ward, Chris Brown, and Jay Cutler. Where the hell did you find these four guys? Oh. You don't say. Traded Peyton Manning for them, did you? I see.
SASQUATCH - Tom Brady. His American-Indian name would be "Lone Bright Spot".

12. Larry Craig Fritzes (1-8, L6, Previous #11)
Maybe it's not luck. Maybe this is your punishment for leaving the live draft early. The fantasy gods despise such behavior.
BAJINGO - Pretty much everybody but Jason Witten.
SASQUATCH - Jason Witten. Second among all tight ends, Witten has scored more points than all of your wide receivers. That's kind of embarrasing.

Week 9 Chumleys

For one week only, we excuse the ritual of photoshopping league members onto Heisman trophies to honor All Day.
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I know what you're thinking..."Chumleys BEFORE Bajingos and Sasquatches?! What the hell?!?! You LIED to me!!! You son ofa BITCH!!!" Well, what can I say, the past couple days at work have been hectic and I definitely want to make sure I get these awards handed out in a timely fashion. We'll get to B's and S's. Just not yet. Hang tight, you gorgeous men.

Game 1: Shelby def. Aaron - And the Chumley goes to...
Joseph Addai, RB, Ind - Last week I repeatedly mentioned that the Colts needed to get Addai rolling if they wanted to hang tight with the Pats. Well, Addai got himself rolling in a big way, taking a pass 73 yards just before halftime for a touchdown. He ended up with 112 yards rushing and 114 yards receiving. Although the AFC Championship would likely be held in Foxboro, the Colts showed enough in this game (without Marvin Harrison, nonetheless) to make the rematch extremely interesting should it happen. I disagree with Mike about handing the Pats the Super Bowl trophy just yet. The Colts are still the champs, and come January, they'll be eager to defend their title. Don't count them out yet. They could easily repeat.

Game 2: Rich def. Mike - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - I hate rewarding players who beat the Eagles. I hate it even more when they play for Dallas. But Romo played well in front of a hostile Sunday Night Linc crowd, going 20/25, with 324 yards and 3 TD's. Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column pointed out that Romo essentially signed the same deal as the Rams gave to Marc Bulger just before the season. Ladies and gentlemen, that is one terrible agent.
Marc Bulger:
A) Spells his name with a 'c' instead of a 'k'. French people spell it that way.
B) Is the quarterback of an 0-8 team.
C) Is 3 years older than Tony Romo.
D) Couldn't bang Carrie Underwood if you gave her three Roofie Coladas.

Seriously though, that agent should have been fired on the spot. What a deal for Dallas.

Game 3: Hefty def. Adam - And the Chumley goes to...
Adrian Peterson, RB, Min - The only thing that bothers me about watching Peterson is that he's always lowering his head. Didn't this guy shatter his collarbone? I'd be leery of using my head as a battering ram if I had a flimsy bone supporting it. But anyway, that's the only thing that bothers me. He got 30 carries with a healthy Chester Taylor, which leads me to believe that Brad Childress has finally woken up and smelled the Sanka. Speaking of Vikings personnel moves, how about the Koy Detmer signing by the Vikes???? You're kidding me, right? Kelly Holcomb's neck injury is no reason to bring in Captain Neckbeard.
By the way, if any sequence of events leads to Koy Detmer starting again in the NFL, there's no possible point spread that could keep me from getting back in the gambling circuit and betting against Minnesota. (OK, that sounded exactly like something Bill Simmons would type, but I stand by it).

Game 4: Jordan def. Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
Greg Jennings, WR, GB - Greg Jennings, eh? Well, to be honest, I don't know a damn thing about him, but ESPN tells me that he's the 13th best WR in the NFL. That's shocking to say the least. Am I the only one who goes to sleep every night praying for a Brett Favre steroid scandal? Even a Vicodin relapse would be acceptable at this point. Somebody has to end the feel good story in Green Bay. It's too much. Like those chocolate donuts that are also glazed that Dunkin Donuts sells. Come on. It's either chocolate or it's glazed. Make up your mind.

Game 5: Slims def. Shawn - And the Chumley goes to...
Clinton Portis, RB, Was - Portis had a monster game, racking up 196 yards on 36 carries (which is 100 yards fewer than Peterson on 6 more carries...just saying...), and a touchdown. Probably a bittersweet week for Slimmy though, as both of his Johnsons (Larry and Chad) are up in the air for next week's game. I'd also like to thank Slimmy for beating Shawn and putting me within one game of the divisional lead, and also for not getting upset at my awkward message board posting. For the record, I voted for "A Hug", and I'd be proud to give one to you next time I see you.

Game 6: Craig def. Deewaan - And the Chumley goes to...
Earnest Graham, RB, TB - How I arrived at my decision: I'm not rewarding T.O. on the off chance he reads my work, I'm not rewarding Westbrook, or any other Eagle after that shitstain on the rug that was Week 9, Bobby Engram came extremely close to winning, but in the end, I had to give it to Graham. The most eye-popping stat? 34 carries. For Earnest Graham??? Who the eff is this guy? And he's toting the rock 34 times against Arizona, killing clock in a 17-10 win? He also probably singlehandedly kept me alive in my survivor pool, which is reason enough for me to give him the trophy.

Congratulations to all the winners. This race is really starting to heat up, with 3 second-time winners this week. Randy Moss still has a leg up on the field, but this is anyone's game with 4 weeks to play.

Week 9 Photo Finishes: Primanti Brudders Edition!!

Stole this picture right off of ESPN.com's NFL page. I'm even getting too lazy to Google.

Gather 'round, young whippersnappers. We got ourselves an AFC North game tonight, and three fantasy matchups still in the balance. Let's see who wins and who loses.

Game 1: Craig (19.4 points) vs. Deewaan (Derrick Mason)
I've written Craig off for dead, literally, so it only makes sense that he loses in completely agonizing fashion tonight. Besides, I'll be cheering heavily for the Ravens tonight, so to fulfill my master plan, D-Mase will need to step up and put up some major numbers. No running back has had a good game against the Steelers, since I think the late '60's, so let's see if the Ravens can't find some success Air-Mc-Nair-ing it out. 2 TD's and 80 yards should get the job done (yes, I know he only has two all season so far), and Dave slips by Craig.

Game 2: Rich (33.9 points, Santonio Holmes) vs. Mike (Willie Parker)
33.9 points would be a monster game against the Ravens defense, no matter how much they may have slipped from years past. However, adding in Santonio's points will only make it all the less likely that Mike can climb this deficit and win this one. Rich wins comfortably.

Game 3: Hefty (60.5 points) vs. Adam (Hines Ward, Todd Heap)
Something tells me I can breathe easy in this one and just work on putting the finishing touches to my 1:5 scale replica of Adrian Peterson. I chose to construct the shrine out of brownie batter, so when I'm done, I can pop him in the oven and snack away at my Purple Fantasy Savior during upcoming Vikings games. Mmmmm...sacrelicious.

Steelers Loss Is My Gain

Pick your head up, Willis, you've got some money to win for me.

SURVIVOR POOL UPDATE:
Since I know you're all anxiously awaiting the results of my Survivor Pools, I'll fill you in.

1. Kissing Suzy Kolber - It's not for money or anything, but I'm hoping once I win, Big Daddy Drew will deliver me a handwritten letter of gratitude and an invitation to quit my real job and blog for KSK full time. 50 original entrants has whittled itself down to 4, of which Chicago Bear Grylls is still one. All of us won in Week 9, with myself choosing Tampa Bay.

2. My Dad's Fancy Manhattan Co-Workers - This was 10 entries at 25 bucks a piece. We're now down to 3 finalists, of which Turn Your Head And Coughlin (that would be me) is still one. This week, I selected Tampa Bay, as I believe in an all-or-nothing approach in my picking. The two other guys in the pool are taking Pittsburgh, at home against the Ravens tonight. If the Steelers lose, the contest is over and I win 250 bucks. If the Steelers win, we all move on to next week, and I probably am stuck picking some crappy team like the Panthers.

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of a Survivor (or Suicide) Pool, it can be explained thusly:
You select one team each week to win. If your team wins, you advance to the next week. However, any team you previously selected may not be chosen again. For the record, here's the teams that have helped me advance this far.

1. Seattle (def. Tampa)
2. Pittsburgh (def. Buffalo)
3. New England (def. Buffalo)
4. Dallas (def. St. Louis)
5. Tennessee (def. Atlanta)
6. San Diego (def. Oakland)
7. New Orleans (def. Atlanta)
8. Indianapolis (def. Carolina)
9. Tampa Bay (def. Arizona)

MMSY: 11/5/07

It's gonna take a Herculean effort for any of the Autobots (besides Aaron) to move into serious, serious playoff contention.

5 Things I Think I Thought That Were

1. I think that, since I won't be making the trip to Philly this weekend for the Temple festivities, I'd like to place odds on various things that COULD happen. Please add your own predictions in the comments section (wink, Hefty! Like me trying to get the participation going on your blog?? Yeah!):
a. 1-1 that Craig accidentally-on-purpose walks in on Melvin showering.
b. 3-1 that someone makes an uncomfortable joke about Paul's still-sour feelings on The Trade That Almost Was while around Adam. Crap, that happened on the ESPN message board already? Alright, let's bump it up to 7-2.
c. Pick 'em that I'll be wishing I was there, just to smear butter on someone's head whilst they slumber. Awwww, miss you guys!
d. I'd make more predictions but I was left off that email list and can't fully remember who is going. Kinda ruins that...

2. I think that, aside from committing armed robbery on a toddler (thanks, Paul!), the only other thing more enjoyable than watching Sunday night's Cowboys' thumping of the Birds was DVR'ing through the entire first half. Made that second touchdown drive seem much less painful. Wake me up when this season is over, it's April and the Eagles are on the clock.

3. I think someone should just give the Patriots the title. Just put us all out of our misery. There I was, at the Skybox in Glendale, beginning of the 4th quarter in that game. I was gloating beyond belief, happy that my obvious bias against Boston correctly led me to pick the Colts to win -- so I thought. Well, the rest of that 4th quarter made me throw up in my mouth and whiz my drawers. Note: I was able to eat chicken fingers and fries before losing control of bodily functions.

4. I think... eh. The Eagles are awful.

5. I think that anyone planning to make the trip to San Antonio to watch the Nitts is foolish. This weekend they'll slaughter Temple in front of the rowdy alumni. But all signs are pointing toward a tremendous letdown at East Lansing in two weeks. However, I must say I was happy to see Dan Connor take the all-time tackles lead at PSU. So happy that I prankcalled my former high school basketball coach repeatedly for the rest of Saturday afternoon. It was hilarious.