Pulling A Favre

I'm following my heart and going out on top.
Or am I?????

OK. You came here expecting draft grades. But I've got an unfortunate site announcement. Brace yourself.

I don't think I've got it in me this year. I'm hanging up my blogging shoes.

Why? A number of reasons, which I'll now list in no particular order:

1. My work situation: When I ran this site last year, I was working in a doublewide up in rural Bath where I had a direct supervisor about two days a week. Now, I'm in our main office, and can't even keep Hotmail up for 30 seconds without a vice president gliding down the hall and checking out my 22" monitor to make sure I'm getting my TPS reports done in time. Trust me, I did a LOT of the blogging at work last year, and it's just not possible now.

2. The house: Frankly, when I come home from work, there's a lot of shit to do. I can't justify spending 90 minutes on Bajingos and Sasquatches while there's lighting fixtures to hang and boxes to unpack.

3. The letdown factor: Last year was the best year of my illustrious fantasy career, and I won my first ever championship. Blogging along the way made it even more fun, but I'm worried I can't top the experience, and if I'm not into it, the work will suck.

4. My dear readers: You deserve the finest quality blog your non-money can buy. I worry that I'm out of jokes, out of outrageous Google Image photos, and out of Karate Kid YouTube videos. I don't want to be giving you a run of the mill site, and that's probably what you'd be getting.

5. Kal Penn: The last two movies I saw with him in it sucked. "Epic Movie" and "Bachelor Party Vegas" were so lame that I worry that I may be starting to sour on everybody's favorite Bengali Bombshell.

6. The wife: I've got some serious banging to do.

So, that's the deal. If you hated the blog, this is good news. If you enjoyed the blog, I apologize. I do however promise the same high quality material you've come to expect from every group e-mail I send.

As a parting gift, I will offer you my abbreviated preseason post-draft power rankings, with limited commentary where necessary. Enjoy.

1. Jordan - Manning/Favre is a pretty good combo, even if I hate them both with all my soul. He's also got a guy who could have been the #1 pick at #3, Adrian Peterson. If Peterson is healthy, Jordan's the top team.

2. Craig - I hate the QB's, but Marion Barber and Ryan Grant is the best combo backfield of any team in the league.

3. Davis - Tomlinson leads the way, but there's a lot of high ceiling guys here like MoJo Drew, McNabb and Marques Colston. Kellen Winslow is a double digit touchdown guy this year, no question about it.

4. Hefty - I took the homer route and picked Westbrook. Then in the next round, I went polar opposite and took the face of my least favorite franchise in all of sports, Tony Romo. That's called hedging your bets, and it basically means I'm a pussy.

5. Mike - I think Drew Brees will end up with the best QB stats in the league this year. I also love the WR-WR strategy to get Moss and Braylon Edwards, however, as you can guess, it means he's starting two warm corpses at RB.

6. Shawn - This year, Shawn rolls with the hot rooks at running back, Darren Mc Fadden and Jonathan Stewart. He's also got Marshawn Lynch and Larry Johnson. Very deep team, with only one torn labrum standing between him and an excellent draft.

7. Melvin - I obviously love the Tom Brady pick, but the rest of the team has a lot of holes. Still, Melvin should definitely win more than one matchup this year.

8. Deewaan - I'm not a real big Derek Anderson guy, but this team is well drafted, with a lot of quality starters and some backups with potential to contribute.

9. Aaron - Overall, a smart draft, with a couple of hiccups. He handcuffed Portis with Betts, and if Marvin Harrison can keep his hands off of firearms this season, he could be the steal of the draft.

10. Jonesy - I'm hoping TO has a big year now that I have Romo, and I think the other starting wideouts are solid as well. A lot of reaches in the draft, but overall, not bad for a first effort in the league.

11. Shelby - I think Peyton is going to have a down year. He may not be ready for Week 1, and there's questions about MarHar. I don't love the running backs here, and I don't even like the wide receivers.

12. Rich - What a difference a year makes. Last year's preseason number 1 finds himself at the bottom of the rankings as he rolls out a baffling draft strategy. Three mediocre quarterbacks, only three running backs, two tight ends and two defenses. Must have been a fun honeymoon.

So there you have it. My first and possibly last posting of the season. If something big happens, I may chime in at some point during the season, but for now, I'm happy to watch this season from the sidelines and just enjoy riding my tractor in Mississippi with a fresh new pair of Wranglers.

I. AM. LEGEND.

After vanquishing my foe, I know exactly how El Presidente feels.

It's finally happened. After 10+ years of toiling, my lifelong dream of winning a fantasy football championship will come to fruition tomorrow night, barring the most unforseen of all circumstances.

First of all, my hat goes off to Shawn, whose team spent more time in the X-ray room than on the field this week. Willie Parker, Willis McGahee, Marques Colston, and Anthony Gonzalez all left the game early on and were never factors. That's a shitty way to lose a championship matchup.

Secondly, I'd like to publicly berate Carson Palmer, who will never be welcomed on a Jon Hefty franchise again. You sir, have earned the lifetime ban. You throw to one of the best threesomes of wide receivers in the NFL, against the Browns defense, at home, and manage to put up only 7.1 points? Horrendous. When Tarvaris Jackson outscores you by 22 points, you have officially just blown a walrus. Awful. Sure, you'll get your championship ring, but I'm lacing it with anthrax. Hopefully it eats away at the skin on your throwing hand and you never play another snap in the NFL.

Thirdly, I'd like to thank all my players for not getting hurt. Sure, I had the minor injuries, like an Adrian Peterson gimpy knee, or a Vernon Davis strained something-or-other, but every team had that. No, what I'm proud of is avoiding players who ended up, say, snapping fibulas like overextended mechanical pencil lead. You guys did a great job, although I'd like to take part of the credit here. The Pilates sessions at my condo this summer really did a good job of keeping you strong throughout the season.

Fourthly, I'd like to thank the sock that bore my name and fortuitously bounced into my grasp during the First Annual Laundry Lottery. Although I'm sure that my winning the #1 pick and then the league championship almost certainly means that we'll never do anything like that again, it was well worth it. I'd also like to thank LaDainian for getting his shit together in the last few weeks of the season. Well worth the wait.

Fifthly, I'd like to thank Uncle Walbo for Wes Welker.

Sixthly, I'd like to thank Dr. Dangler for Jerricho Cotchery, who decided Week 16 was a fine time to have his best game of the season.

Seventhly, I'd like to tell the Craigger that he needs to fix the scoring on ESPN.com. The Bears defense was only credited for one of their defensive/special teams touchdowns against the Packers. The blocked punt recovery one isn't showing up for some reason.

Eighthly, I'd like to thank each and every one of you for my prize money. You've all been tremendous. God Bless.

Always and Forever,
The World Champion of The Universe

Steelers Loss Is My Gain

Pick your head up, Willis, you've got some money to win for me.

SURVIVOR POOL UPDATE:
Since I know you're all anxiously awaiting the results of my Survivor Pools, I'll fill you in.

1. Kissing Suzy Kolber - It's not for money or anything, but I'm hoping once I win, Big Daddy Drew will deliver me a handwritten letter of gratitude and an invitation to quit my real job and blog for KSK full time. 50 original entrants has whittled itself down to 4, of which Chicago Bear Grylls is still one. All of us won in Week 9, with myself choosing Tampa Bay.

2. My Dad's Fancy Manhattan Co-Workers - This was 10 entries at 25 bucks a piece. We're now down to 3 finalists, of which Turn Your Head And Coughlin (that would be me) is still one. This week, I selected Tampa Bay, as I believe in an all-or-nothing approach in my picking. The two other guys in the pool are taking Pittsburgh, at home against the Ravens tonight. If the Steelers lose, the contest is over and I win 250 bucks. If the Steelers win, we all move on to next week, and I probably am stuck picking some crappy team like the Panthers.

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of a Survivor (or Suicide) Pool, it can be explained thusly:
You select one team each week to win. If your team wins, you advance to the next week. However, any team you previously selected may not be chosen again. For the record, here's the teams that have helped me advance this far.

1. Seattle (def. Tampa)
2. Pittsburgh (def. Buffalo)
3. New England (def. Buffalo)
4. Dallas (def. St. Louis)
5. Tennessee (def. Atlanta)
6. San Diego (def. Oakland)
7. New Orleans (def. Atlanta)
8. Indianapolis (def. Carolina)
9. Tampa Bay (def. Arizona)