Pulling A Favre

I'm following my heart and going out on top.
Or am I?????

OK. You came here expecting draft grades. But I've got an unfortunate site announcement. Brace yourself.

I don't think I've got it in me this year. I'm hanging up my blogging shoes.

Why? A number of reasons, which I'll now list in no particular order:

1. My work situation: When I ran this site last year, I was working in a doublewide up in rural Bath where I had a direct supervisor about two days a week. Now, I'm in our main office, and can't even keep Hotmail up for 30 seconds without a vice president gliding down the hall and checking out my 22" monitor to make sure I'm getting my TPS reports done in time. Trust me, I did a LOT of the blogging at work last year, and it's just not possible now.

2. The house: Frankly, when I come home from work, there's a lot of shit to do. I can't justify spending 90 minutes on Bajingos and Sasquatches while there's lighting fixtures to hang and boxes to unpack.

3. The letdown factor: Last year was the best year of my illustrious fantasy career, and I won my first ever championship. Blogging along the way made it even more fun, but I'm worried I can't top the experience, and if I'm not into it, the work will suck.

4. My dear readers: You deserve the finest quality blog your non-money can buy. I worry that I'm out of jokes, out of outrageous Google Image photos, and out of Karate Kid YouTube videos. I don't want to be giving you a run of the mill site, and that's probably what you'd be getting.

5. Kal Penn: The last two movies I saw with him in it sucked. "Epic Movie" and "Bachelor Party Vegas" were so lame that I worry that I may be starting to sour on everybody's favorite Bengali Bombshell.

6. The wife: I've got some serious banging to do.

So, that's the deal. If you hated the blog, this is good news. If you enjoyed the blog, I apologize. I do however promise the same high quality material you've come to expect from every group e-mail I send.

As a parting gift, I will offer you my abbreviated preseason post-draft power rankings, with limited commentary where necessary. Enjoy.

1. Jordan - Manning/Favre is a pretty good combo, even if I hate them both with all my soul. He's also got a guy who could have been the #1 pick at #3, Adrian Peterson. If Peterson is healthy, Jordan's the top team.

2. Craig - I hate the QB's, but Marion Barber and Ryan Grant is the best combo backfield of any team in the league.

3. Davis - Tomlinson leads the way, but there's a lot of high ceiling guys here like MoJo Drew, McNabb and Marques Colston. Kellen Winslow is a double digit touchdown guy this year, no question about it.

4. Hefty - I took the homer route and picked Westbrook. Then in the next round, I went polar opposite and took the face of my least favorite franchise in all of sports, Tony Romo. That's called hedging your bets, and it basically means I'm a pussy.

5. Mike - I think Drew Brees will end up with the best QB stats in the league this year. I also love the WR-WR strategy to get Moss and Braylon Edwards, however, as you can guess, it means he's starting two warm corpses at RB.

6. Shawn - This year, Shawn rolls with the hot rooks at running back, Darren Mc Fadden and Jonathan Stewart. He's also got Marshawn Lynch and Larry Johnson. Very deep team, with only one torn labrum standing between him and an excellent draft.

7. Melvin - I obviously love the Tom Brady pick, but the rest of the team has a lot of holes. Still, Melvin should definitely win more than one matchup this year.

8. Deewaan - I'm not a real big Derek Anderson guy, but this team is well drafted, with a lot of quality starters and some backups with potential to contribute.

9. Aaron - Overall, a smart draft, with a couple of hiccups. He handcuffed Portis with Betts, and if Marvin Harrison can keep his hands off of firearms this season, he could be the steal of the draft.

10. Jonesy - I'm hoping TO has a big year now that I have Romo, and I think the other starting wideouts are solid as well. A lot of reaches in the draft, but overall, not bad for a first effort in the league.

11. Shelby - I think Peyton is going to have a down year. He may not be ready for Week 1, and there's questions about MarHar. I don't love the running backs here, and I don't even like the wide receivers.

12. Rich - What a difference a year makes. Last year's preseason number 1 finds himself at the bottom of the rankings as he rolls out a baffling draft strategy. Three mediocre quarterbacks, only three running backs, two tight ends and two defenses. Must have been a fun honeymoon.

So there you have it. My first and possibly last posting of the season. If something big happens, I may chime in at some point during the season, but for now, I'm happy to watch this season from the sidelines and just enjoy riding my tractor in Mississippi with a fresh new pair of Wranglers.

Even If I Lose, This Movie's Still Going To Rawk

Chicken Porpoise!!!

Park The Porpoise!!!

Kal Penn and a little person execute a near-perfect "Double Fishhook". Don't forget to get those pinkies in Kal's mouth, wee man!!!

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True Story: The runner up for my fantasy team name this year was the Kal Penn Quakers. Apparently the only team names I find humorous are those that could double as "Before And After" puzzles on Wheel of Fortune. In the end though, I went with Chicago Bear Grylls, choosing a football relevant name, while still paying homage to the badassery of Mr. Grylls. However, with all the allegations popping up that Man vs. Wild is about as real as the WWE, I've grown uncomfortable with my choice of team name. Now a part of me wishes I had gone the route of Kal.
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The whole point of that intro, though, is to take a look at some of the team names around our league and try to figure out which ones are good for a chuckle, and which ones should be chucked. Let's begin!

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Craig Fritz: Hairy Areolas - This blog generally pokes fun at the leadership of our dear old Commish, but speaking from the heart, this name is just dynamite. It rolls off the tongue, it comes complete with a stomach churning picture, and it's fun to picture little kids cheering for this team. Well done. 5/5 Blog-stars for the Craigger.

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Mike Walbert: Bisbee Ball Maulers - A quick google search showed me that Bisbee is a town in Arizona, and since Mikey lives out in the desert, I appreciate the geographical reference. As for Ball Maulers, it's certainly innovative. I can't say I've ever had anybody threaten to maul my balls before, but I imagine it would leave them black and blue. Let's put up a picture though instead of a 'B', I'm a visual learner. 4/5 Blog-stars.

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Matt Melvin: Vick Loves The Baha Men - Groan. If there's anything worse than a Michael Vick reference, it's an obscure Michael Vick reference that involves one of the worst songs of all time. This name was likely created while reading a similar post on ProFootballTalk.com, which is where he got his picture of youngsters with dog heads photoshopped on. Jonny no likey. 0/5 Blog-stars.

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Aaron Repucci: Team Punterz n' Coaches - OK. This one's decent. I always like a well placed 'z' where an 's' belongs. It adds an edge. And the punters and coaches name does a good job of mocking Craig, which is just bonus points. Good Kapinos picture too, which boosts this up a notch. 4/5 Blog-stars.

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Adam Davis: Chisley's Chopping Blocks - Um, I want to like this one. It sounds tough. The guy in Davis's picture looks tough. But I don't know what any of these things are. Who is Chisley? LaVon Chisley? Ang took a look at the picture and said she thought it was the Napoleon Dynamite guy. I didn't have an answer one way or the other. 2/5 Blog-stars awarded solely on potential.

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Jordan Yingling: License to Kim Jong Il - Ok, I had a hand in this one (it meets my Before and After Wheel of Fortune joke criteria). I think it's funny that Jordan would go ahead with this one whilst dating a Korean gal. It shows chutzpa. And it also gives a shout-out to one of the best rap albums of all time. No picture though. Fix that, please. 4/5 Blog-stars.

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Rich Ely: Jabroc Junk Jabbers - A quick Google search shows that Jabroc is a densified wood laminate. I believe it may be one of his vendors at Sikorsky, but I can't be too sure. As for Junk Jabbers, it borders on infringement of Ball Maulers, but I like that Rich has looked for a new spin on an old classic. A Junk Jabber would likely just give you those pestering ball flicks that don't really hurt, but at the same time, they're annoying and make you walk around with your hands cupping your manhood any time you're in the vacinity of the Junk Jabber. You also need a picture. 3/5 Blog-stars.

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Shawn Hussein: The Canadian Cripplers - Ang made a horrified face and said "Oh my God, he's sick..."when I explained this one to her. Since I know that was your original intent, I guess you've succeeded. And for that, I award you full credit. 5/5 Blog-stars.

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Paul Davis: Stacy Mack 4 Pres - Swing and a miss. The Davis brothers fall into a cavernous 0-2 hole. 0/5 Blog-stars.

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Dave Wanner: Delaware Ding Dong Danglers - The rare 4 word alliteration is worth a few stars on its own. Add in the topical homosexual reference, coupled with a picture horrifying enough to get you instantly fired if you're looking at Dave's roster for trade scenarios, and we're golden here. 5/5 Blog-stars.

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Shelby Fidler: Pocket T-Bags - It's another Before And After Wheel of Fortune joke!! I love those!! This is pretty good, even though I remember Kurt was the Lipton Tea Baggers a few years back. Also, teabagging's always a funny mental image, so I'm on board here. 4/5 Blog-stars.