Grab a cup of coffee and check out the hot new double feature.
Well sports fans, it's time to unveil the latest set of Power Rankings. And since Bajingos and Sasquatches went by the wayside this week, I'm combining the two features into one mega-feature. We'll not only rank the teams, we'll point out each team's strengths and weaknesses with the old B's and S's formats.
1. Canadian Cripplers (7-2, L1, Previous #1)
I know what you're thinking..."But he lost!! To the number 2 team in the rankings!! He can't still be #1!!!" Actually, yes he can. Since Sunday, he's gotten significantly better via trade (more on this later), and Slimfast may have gotten significantly worse.
BAJINGO - Looking at his roster as it stands pre-trade, the holes on this team are Brian Griese and Kevin Jones. Post-trade, those holes are filled. Ladies and gentlemen, that is a good trade.
SASQUATCH - The receiving trio of Colston, Randy Moss, and Chris Henry. That's right, the same Chris Henry who hasn't played a snap in 2007. He's already a Sasquatch. He's going to be awesome.
2. Hawaii McLovin (7-2, W2, Previous #2)
As I mentioned, Paul's team got some bad news, as it looks like Chad Johnson may miss this game, and his brother Larry will definitely miss this game. Replacing those two? Justin Fargas and Nate Burleson. Burleson's a half-decent receiver, and a superb punt returner, but Craig has made it perfectly clear that punt returns don't mean a damn thing.
BAJINGO - Philip Rivers is way too hot and cold to be counted on as we come up on playoff time. 4 games with multiple touchdowns, 4 games with a goose egg.
SASQUATCH - Clinton Portis slipped to the third round of our draft this year, mainly due to concerns about injuries and the presence of Ladell Betts. Well, if we were doing things over again, Portis would likely end up going in the first round. He's been the workhorse in Washington, and last week's 196 yard performance was a dandy.
3. Chicago Bear Grylls (6-3, W2, Previous #3)
I believe it's okay to announce that I made the steal of the draft by taking Adrian Peterson with the first pick of the FIFTH round, right? Everybody cool with that? Thought so.
BAJINGO - Although it's hard to call anybody in the top 10 at their position a Bajingo, Steve Smith probably deserves it. Smith is the Philip Rivers of wide receivers. Is he going to erupt for 100 plus yards and a touchdown, or is he going to finish the game with 2 catches for 14 yards? Your guess is as good as mine.
SASQUATCH - Peterson's the obvious answer, but I'll go with Braylon Edwards and Wes Welker. These two have become essential cogs in their offense, and now rank #3 and #5 at their position respectively. Unlike Smith, these guys are going to get their hands on the ball each and every week.
4. Jabroc Junk Jabbers (6-3, W1, Previous #5)
The rebirth of Lee Evans is impressive. It makes me enraged that I traded him and Dallas Clark for Eli Manning in my other league, but it's still impressive none the less.
BAJINGO - Jesse Chatman. What, Samkon Gado wasn't available?
SASQUATCH - The Tonys. Romo and Gonzalez. I think you should rename your team "Two Wetbacks Named Tony" to honor these two Hispanic gentlemen who share the same first name.
5. Dizeez Nutz (6-3, W1, Previous #4)
Aaron's almost a lock for the playoffs despite scoring just 3.2 points more than the lowest scoring team in the league. So I have to knock him down a peg from last week.
BAJINGO - Frank Gore. Hasn't ran for more than 88 yards in a game, and hasn't scored a TD since Week 2. Horribly disappointing season for a first round pick.
SASQUATCH - Steelers D and Nick Folk. These are the two most consistent contributors. It's a good thing we didn't go with Punters and Coaches. Aaron seems to have the market cornered on all the useless categories.
6. License To Kim Jong Il (5-4, W1, Previous #7)
Speaking of horribly disappointing first round picks, hey, it's Shaun Alexander!!!
BAJINGO - Alexander. Not even the movie "Alexander" was this big of a flop. And that movie featured extended Colin Farrell manass.
SASQUATCH - Kellen Winslow. The Second. He's been healthy, and he's been consistent, scoring 8 or more points in every game this season.
7. Bisbee Ball Maulers (4-5, L1, Previous #6)
The Jon Kitna Experience is over in Bisbee. The trade gives Mike the ancient Joey Galloway, who is currently the #8 ranked WR. Any move that gets Jerry Porter out of a team's starting lineup has to be considered a positive one.
BAJINGO - Anquan Boldin has cooled off since a white hot start to the season, mostly due to injury. However, if you're playing "Find The Bajingo" on a team with Jerry Porter, the rule of thumb is to just go with Jerry Porter.
SASQUATCH - Derek Anderson. I've made a few statements about some good free agent pickups this season, but when it boils down to it, there's no better addition than Derek Anderson, who currently ranks ahead of Peyton Manning, despite not starting in Week 1. Marshawn Lynch also gets some definite Sasquatch consideration.
8. Pocket T Bags (4-5, W2, Previous #10)
Shelby has a death grip on the #1 waiver wire priority. I'm actually a little astonished he didn't use it this week to pick up Koy Detmer, which would have been our shrewdest signing to date.
BAJINGO - Darrell Jackson is a major bust after switching scenery in the NFC West this offseason. Instead of catching 14 passes in a game like former teammate Bobby Engram did for Seattle last week, Jackson has caught 20 balls all season in San Fran.
SASQUATCH - Joseph Addai. This week, Addai, the second ranked running back, goes up against the same Chargers defense that allowed 296 yards and three touchdowns to the first ranked running back, Adrian Peterson, just a week ago.
9. Delaware Ding Dong Danglers (3-6, L1, Previous #8)
With Drew Brees catching fire of late, this could be a dangerous squad if they can manage to grab one of the last playoff spots.
BAJINGO - It would be easy to say Steven Jackson, but I don't know how well I could run if my groin muscle decided to explode. Instead I'll go with Reggie Brown, who's one half of the most frustrating WR duo in the NFL. Watching Owens explode on the Eagles for 10 catches and 150 yards, while Donovan fumbled on the first play and sailed passes into the stands made me wish things had turned out somewhat differently in Philadelphia.
SASQUATCH - LenDale White. LenDale had virtually no buzz before the season that made anybody believe he could be a featured back. Now, he's carried the ball 25 times or more in the last four games.
10. Death Knell (3-6, W1, Previous #12)
Step one of the transformation is complete. Craig is just a game out of the playoff hunt and has a new bad-ass persona. Now all you need is a tattoo that says "Bad Mothereffer" and you'll be a force to be reckoned with, my friend.
BAJINGO - Marvin Harrison. He's faking. I think somebody's just jealous that Reggie Wayne has emerged as the Top Dawg in Indy. (Come to think of it, a "Top Dawg" tattoo would work too, Craig.)
SASQUATCH - Brian Westbrook and T.O. Both ranked #4 in their respective positions. Boy, it's funny how even fantasy offenses click when these two are paired up.
11. Hollidaysburgs MPJ's (2-7, L2, Previous #9)
A two game win streak is now forgotten and Adam's quickly headed back down to his preseason residence.
BAJINGO - Cedric Benson, Hines Ward, Chris Brown, and Jay Cutler. Where the hell did you find these four guys? Oh. You don't say. Traded Peyton Manning for them, did you? I see.
SASQUATCH - Tom Brady. His American-Indian name would be "Lone Bright Spot".
12. Larry Craig Fritzes (1-8, L6, Previous #11)
Maybe it's not luck. Maybe this is your punishment for leaving the live draft early. The fantasy gods despise such behavior.
BAJINGO - Pretty much everybody but Jason Witten.
SASQUATCH - Jason Witten. Second among all tight ends, Witten has scored more points than all of your wide receivers. That's kind of embarrasing.
And there was a ... FIRE FIGHT!
