The Tony Awards: Week 8 (&7)

"I'm singin' the bluuuuuuues with a busted digit."

Week 8 has passed, well, so has 7, but I wasn't on my game. Here's some awards for studs that made the difference over the past few weeks.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Do we really have to call these things the Tonys still? The guy is a a little off and now he's like Barbaro with a broken bone. I really don't see him coming back from this. Ever.

WEEK 8:

Craig def. Melvin - And the Tony goes to Donnie Avery. The rook continued his three game tear by taking a dump all over the Patriots banged-up secondary. 160+ yards and a TD made for a fine waiver-wire pickup for Colon Blow.

Jordan def. Mike - And the Tony goes to Dominic Rhodes. Of the two fill-in RBs on the Sharts, it was Mr. Rhodes who fended off the hot pursuits of Skidmark during MNF. His 14 points kept Mike frustrated once again as he has the 3rd highest scoring average in the league and only 3 wins to show for it.

Jonesy def. Rich - And the Tony goes to Mewelde Moore. Another fill in RB with a big day. He busted a long run early on against the Giants when the Steelers O-line actually looked decent. He scored for the second week in a row and remains a viable option until Fast Willie Parker comes back to the lineup.

Dave def. Shelby - And the Tony goes to Santana Moss. Moss was a one man show for the StinkPalmers and our league doesn't even give points for punt return TDs (change on the horizon) and he still scored almost 30 points. Don't look now, but Dave has the longest winning streak in the league. He's getting hot at the right time.

Hefty def. Shawn - And the Tony goes to Brian Westbrook. Holy come-back, Batman. Westbrook had something ridiculous like 167 rushing yards and 2 TDs plus a bunch of receiving yards as the Eagles took down the Falcons at home. The Terrible Bowels is the highest scoring team in the league thanks to the Westbrook/Turner duo.

Aaron def. Davis - And the Tony goes to super duper hugs of joy and big rainbow high-fives!!! I've waited all year to award someone from Aaron's team. Good job on breaking through, big guy!! Hopefully you can keep that MO going. The actual award goes to Anquan Boldin for healing so quickly it would make Wolverine proud. Come to think of it, Boldin is a lot like Wolverine now. They both have adamantium fused to their facial bones. Right? Right!


Week 7:

Mike def. Craig - Chris Johnson
Rich def. Hefty - Steven Jackson
Melvin def. Shawn - Bears D
Jonesy def. Aaron - Mewelde Moore
Jordan def. Shelby - Owen Daniels (21 pts from a TE!?)
Dave def. Adam - Willis McGahee

Grade The Trade: 10/25/07

BREAKING NEWS: The Hairy Areolas and The Larry Craig Fritzes have announced a three player trade. The Craigger will send Ahman Green (old) and Fred Taylor (weak, old) to Melvin, in exchange for Dwayne Bowe (Kansas City receiver).

From Melvin's Perspective - Ahman Green hasn't had a good game since Week 2. Fred Taylor hasn't had a good game since 2002. It's no secret that I err on the side of youth when it comes to running backs. I'd rather take my chances on a hot rook than dabble with a has-been. When it comes to fantasy running backs, there just aren't that many cougars in the league. It's best to hit up the young flesh and hope for the best. It's fitting that Taylor and Green are 38 and 39 in scoring amongst running backs this year. I believe that's also their age.
Honestly, I understand that with Ronnie Brown going down for the season, you definitely need some help at RB, but at the same time, these guys should not be starting for you. They're most likely your third and fourth option, and while I'm all for stocking your bench with potential talent, you are 1-6 and this trade does not solve any of your most pressing needs.

From Craig's Perspective - Let me take a wild guess. This isn't what you had in mind when you drafted Marvin Harrison, Terrell Owens and Javon Walker in rounds 2, 3, and 4, is it? Instead you're trading away two running backs for a rookie wide receiver who plays for one of the least threatening offenses in football. To his credit, Bowe has developed nicely, he's actually the 12th ranked receiver, and has fared no worse than 40 yards or a touchdown in any game so far. While I'm leery of any Chief, this seems to be their number one wide receiver, and so long as LJ and Gonzo are keeping up with expectations, Bowe should continue to find single coverage in the secondary. While I'm 99.9% sure that he won't be able to keep up his pace and finish in the Top 12 overall, it looks like you've gotten your new WR3 while Javon heals up.

The Winner: Craig, by the slightest of edges.

Week 7 Power Rankings

This week's #1 team has gone 6-1 with a platoon of QBs that make Tommy "Steaming" Maddox look like Dan Marino.

Right to the rankings this week. No shenanigans.

1. Canadian Cripplers (6-1, W3, Previous #4)
Living proof that fantasy quarterbacks aren't worth a damn. He's 6-1 despite starting David Garrard, Joey Harrington, Matt Leinart, and Jake Delhomme. This week, Shawn calls on the arm of Brian Griese to lead his troops into battle. You have to give Shawn credit here, most GMs would have panicked and made a crappy trade, but Shawn has stuck to his guns and cycled through free agent pickups. Shawn also made the shrewdest move of the season, snatching up Chris Henry weeks before he'd be available to play, at which point he and Carson Palmer will connect for 7 or 8 touchdowns. Take it to the bank!

2. LymeZ Diz-eeZ Nutz (6-1, W4, Previous #5)
The Dizeez Nutz are banged up this week. Both Frank Gore and MoJo Drew suffered injuries in Week 7. Gore should be good to go, Drew looks like a gametime decision is looming. David Garrard is out at least a month, which means Quinn Gray is the new starter down in J-Ville. I make a comment about crappy QBs letting defenses flood the line of scrimmage almost every week on this blog, but isn't this the ultimate "11 men in the box" scenario? What NFL defense is frightened of Quinn Gray??
Donte' Stallworth has caught a TD in each of the last three games and has finally developed a rhythym with Brady despite somewhat of a slow start. I'd be worried about this development, but Wes Welker has 20 catches and 4 touchdowns in the last two games.

3. Hawaii McLovin (5-2, L1, Previous #1)
When Larry Johnson has a bye, and your two starting running backs are ranked in the top 14 (LaMont Jordan, Clinton Portis), I'd say you've got a pretty deep team. Heath Miller has had a great year so far with 4 touchdowns, and playing the Bengals this week, he could easily score 4 more.
The one problem I have with this team (this week anyway) is that three of your players have @NE next to their name. That's not good. It means they're playing the Patriots, at Foxboro, and they're going to get slaughtered. I know they're still your best options, and there's the opportunity for some garbage time TD's (hell, even the Dolphins put up 28 points last weekend), but it's just a scary thought sending 1/3 of your team up against New England.

4. Jabroc Junk Jabbers (5-2, W5, Previous #6)
Birthday boy Richie fullfills his prophesied destiny and has now reached the top 4. His journey is much like that of Lemmiwinks, the Gerbil King. Your lineup this week looks pretty bad honestly, but you've won 5 in a row, and you beat my sorry ass last week, so I'll give you your due props.
Lee Evans finally showed a pulse last week, catching 5 balls for 98 yards.

5. Chicago Bear Grylls (4-3, L1, Previous #2)
I can only hope that the return of Steve Smith, Braylon, and Tomlinson means the rest of my team will be scoring enough points that I don't have to secretly enjoy Adrian Peterson's 90 yard touchdown runs against the Eagles on Sunday. Now I can make an angry face when he scores, and even act sociopathic at my grandmother's birthday dinner on Sunday. Maybe I can kick one of my mom's terriers. Damn things look like mop heads.

6. License To Kim Jong Il (4-3, L2, Previous #3)
Just a feeling: Peyton and Reggie go happy-go-jacky like a donkey eating a waffle on Sunday and hook up for 3 touchdowns. This is not only a must-win game for the Colts, it's a must-destroy game for them. The Colts are too disciplined to let themselves look ahead to the Patriots next week, and at the same time, they'll want to send a message to the rest of the NFL, who has already put them at a distant #2 behind New England this year.
One bright spot for Jordan's opponent this week, the Ball Maulers, is that both of Kim Jong Il's starting running backs have a bye this week, and he'll be filling in with Kenny Watson, Selvin Young, and/or Reuben Droughns.

7. Bisbee Ball Maulers (3-4, W1, Previous #9)
The Hector and Victor automatron predicts 100+ yards and 2 touchdowns a piece for Marshawn Lynch and Willie Parker this weekend. And I don't think that's too far fetched. Lynch plays the Jonathan Vilma-less Jets defense, and Willie plays Cincy.
Despite this weekend's good matchups, I think Bisbee could be headed for a decline in the near future. Mike, I think you'll find it approximately 10 times harder making informed Fantasy football decisions, when you're being presented with questions like "What side dishes should we serve with the beef curtains?" and "What shade of chartreuse best matches my eyes?"

8. Hollidaysburgs' MPJs (2-5, W2, Previous #11)
This is not a drill.
Adam has reached respectability.
Please make your way to the nearest exits, and assist yourself before assisting children.
In the event that Adam wins three straight games, your seat cushion may be used as a floatation device.

9. Delaware Ding Dong Danglers (2-5, W1, Previous #12)
The Homoerotic Adventures Of Groom Hefty: Part 2
I had never experimented with food in the bedroom before, but the way the butter cream from my wedding cake so perfectly complimented Dave's perfectly sculpted buns, I just couldn't resist diving in face first. I hoped the Electric Slide was loud enough so that the rest of the guests wouldn't hear our unbridled lust culminating in one beautiful symbiatic act. It was time to bump uglies. "Grab me by the hair!!!" I squealed, "and call me Justine!" He was all too happy to oblige.
Next Week: Part Three!!
Drew Brees is starting to be good, Plaxico is good, LenDale is plump, but good, blah blah blah.

10. Larry Craig Fritzes (1-6, L4, Previous #7)
So wait...it's not a good thing when you lose the top ranked running back in the league? No, it's really not. I think it's unbelievable that Melvin has the second most points this season and the worst record overall. That's almost impossible. Nevertheless, this is still a pretty good team, and if Rudi Johnson returns to form at all, Melvin could start to make a run towards .500.

11. Pocket T Bags (2-5, L3, Previous #8)
Since Shelby doesn't contribute to this league in any way, I'll refuse to comment on his team.
Is it really that hard to send an email once in a while? I know the Patent Industry is booming now more than ever, but jeepers creepers, you could have been in a coma for the past three months and I wouldn't know the difference.

12. Hairy Areolas (2-5, L4, Previous #10)
Hi Commish!!!! So strange to see you way down here!!!
Fact: Roydell Williams and Mushin Muhammad have both outscored Marvin Harrison this year (yes, I know MarHar was hurt).
Fact: EMPTY is not a good play at starting QB, but at least he won't duplicate Kurt Warner's magical -2.2 point day.
Fact: I giggled like a schoolboy when I saw I could legitimately put you at #12 this week.


Fact: Inspired by the drunken wailings of Baron Von Fritz, the Nittany Lions will prevail on Saturday Night, by a count of 17-14.


Fact: They will then lose to Temple and Michigan State and play in the Galleryfurniture.com Bowl.

Nerdery At It's Peak

A-Rep is apparently upset with my efforts to get LaDainian, Braylon, Carson, and the rest of the Bear Grylls amped up this week, so he's instructed me to post this YouTube video. His words follow...

"The Diz-eez Nutz are gonna make you fall from the power rankings...FOR GOOD!!!!!!!!"

Speaking of the Power Rankings, hopefully they'll be up some time after lunch.

I'm The Best! Around!!!

How do you get up for a massive matchup with a 6-1 team when you're 4-3 and desperately need a victory to keep pace in your division?

Easy. You watch this scene from Karate Kid over and over and over and over.

Back To Business: Week 7 Chumleys

Repucci flashes an ice grill after beating Slimmy and climbing to the top of his division.

OK, enough of this birthday autofellatio nonsense, we's got some work to do. Although I always hate handing these out when I lose, the show must go on. Here are the stars that shone brightest in Week 7.

Game 1: Rich def. Hefty - And the Chumley goes to...
Santonio Holmes, WR, Pit - When in doubt, go with the guy who drove the last nail in the coffin. That's Chumley Tiebreaker Number 5. Due to a whirlwind weekend at State College, I didn't get home until about an hour before kickoff of the Steelers-Broncos game. And since I hadn't yet watched the Eagles debacle, I didn't check any fantasy scores. I watched the game on DVR, and then flipped open my laptop sometime in the second quarter of Steelers-Broncos at which point I was winning by about 4 points. A few minutes into the second half, Santonio caught a touchdown and drove the nail in my coffin. Santonio had a decent game, catching 6 balls for 54 yards and a touchdown. A case could also be made for Andre Davis, but I'm making the executive decision and going with Santonio.

Game 2: Deewaan def. Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
LenDale White, RB, Ten - LenDale White refused to receive this award after he found out it was inedible. But seriously, LenDale White?! Indeed it's true. LenDale carried 27 times for 104 yards and a touchdown in Sunday's shootout win against the Texans. White piled up 22.5 points for Dave's squad, but wasn't even the most valuable Titan. That would be Rob Bironas, who was 8-8 on field goal tries.
This performance makes me all the more frustrated that we traded up with the Titans in 2006 to take Winston Justice in the second round, while they used our pick to take LenDale. I've always loved the big fella. He's a pile pusher.

Game 3: Aaron def. Slimmy - And the Chumley goes to...
Laver-anus Coles, WR, NYJ - This probably shouldn't count since he was playing the Bengals, but Coles posted 8 catches, 133 yards, and 2 TDs. Coles has quietly put together a nice season, as he now has 6 touchdowns on the year, and has scored 10 or more points in 5 games this season.

Game 4: Adam def. Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Tom Brady, QB, NE - I suppose 21/25, 354 yards, 6 touchdowns, 0 interceptions is a decent day for a quarterback. But I say that Brady is too one-dimensional to make an impact in the NFL long-term. You want to hear his rushing stats??? 0 carries for 0 yards. Pathetic. Defensive coordinators will soon figure out that all he does is throw the ball, and that's when they'll pull the rug out from under the Patriots offensive scheme.

Game 5: Shawn def. Jordan - And the Chumley goes to...
Randy Moss, WR, NE - Looking back on things, it's pretty unbelievable that nobody else saw this coming. Sure, Moss can be disruptive (read: super black) at times, but there was no way that he wasn't still talented enough to become an elite wideout again. He made Culpepper look like John Elway, and we saw what happened to Pep once he lost Moss. He stunk for a while, then blew out his knee, changed teams twice, and still can't get a grasp on a starting role. With the G-D Raiders!! Meanwhile, Randy's in Cali playing with Kerry Collins and Aaron Brooks and Marques Tuisasopo and Andrew Walter, and we wonder why he's not lighting up secondaries anymore. So then you put him with an established passer, and what happens? Well, he's on pace to destroy the receiving touchdown record and lead a team to 16-0 and a Super Bowl win. Gee, that's all??

Game 6: Mike def. Shelby - And the Chumley goes to...
Cowboys, D/ST, Dal - Although I hate them because 1) they're the Cowboys, and 2) they held Adrian Peterson in check most of the day, you've got to applaud the effort by Big D's Big D. Dallas's D allowed 7 points, and returned a blocked field goal for a touchdown of their own. Even better, they broke Tavaris Jackson's finger on his passing hand, leading towards the inevitable scenario where Kelly Holcomb ends up starting this game and beats us after we traded him away in the preseason.

Congratulations to all the winners, and somebody tell Randy to start getting his acceptance speech ready for the end of the season.

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

This picture's got something for everybody. The sturdy woodwork appeals to Aaron, who was raised by a carpenter. The decadent cake appeals to both our trained and untrained chefs, Matt and Craig. And the shirtless youngster no doubt sends a tingle through Slimmy's dingle.

No, stupids, it's not my real birthday. It's my Blogthday! This marks the 100th posting here on A Little Slap And Pickle!!, which for me is really a landmark occasion. When I started this blog, I was nothing more than a man with a dream to usurp power from the Commissionary Position held by Craig. Now I'm the author of THE most relevant blog on all things Westside FFL. It feels good. It feels damn good.

What do the next 100 posts hold here at ALSAP!!, you're undoubtedly asking yourself? Let's take a peek, shall we??
-Well, hopefully some more featurettes from you and your friends. After all, if you write a blog entry, that means I don't have to!! And that's good. For me.
-The next 100 posts are also guaranteed to included more factual errors, and wishy-washy predictions like last night's, in which I foretold of Peyton Manning struggling, and then with the same stroke of the keyboard, said he'd throw four touchdowns!
-I'll also probably continue to harp on the fact that special teams are of no importance for our purposes, highlighted this week by Nate Burleson's 91 yard kickoff return TD that would have put me within an eyelash of beating Rich.
-You'll also get some more rum-soaked venom towards the Eagles, as their season spirals out of control and I start watching more college football to figure out who they should take with the 6th pick in next April's draft.
-You're sure to get weekly playoff pulses, to see who the lead dogs are in the race for the playoff seats, which I've preliminarily titled "Chase For The Cup!" or "Hunt For December!!" or something I came up with all on my own.
-You'll get some more pictures of Uruk Hai, because the last one was pure freaking gold.
-You'll also get the exciting conclusion to the one, the only, Chumley Awards. As we narrow things down towards the end of the season, one man (I'll probably just give it to Randy Moss) will emerge from the pack and claim what's rightfully his.

So anyway, you circus animals, feel free to heap showers of congratulations on me in the comment section. Leave no stone unturned. My rapist wit, my rugged Brad Childress-esque good looks, my noble deeds. These are all things to be praised today. Have at it, fleabags.

Week 7 Photo Finishes: Colts at Jags

The Commish will need a big day out of Marvin to sneak past Adam's troops.

Well tonight is my proof that Jacksonville actually has a football team. I'll take my first look at the Jags tonight and I'll be paying attention to a couple of things:
1. Is that Jack Del Rio fellow wearing a snazzy suit on the sidelines?
2. Does Fred Taylor still play? Does Stacy Mack still play?
3. If Jacksonville has wide receivers, how come I've never heard of any of them?
4. Who honestly decided this should be a Monday Night football game?

Seriously, not to go overboard with this schtick, but I feel like a total neophyte when it comes to Jacksonville Jaguars football. Hopefully tonight will be an eye opening experience for me. Others of you will have different motivations to watch tonight's game. You want to know if you'll win your game tonight. However, there's no need. I've already looked at the matchups, crunched the numbers, and I've prepared my verdicts. Here they are.

Game 1: Adam (Adam Vinatieri and an 8.5 point lead) vs. Craig (Marvin Harrison)
Marvin apparently could have played back in Week 5 if it were a more meaningful game, and since then he's had a bye week to rest up, so I'm assuming he's at least 90% healthy for this one. It seems like Indy has trouble against Jacksonville and Tennessee every time they play lately, so maybe the matchup isn't as good as you might expect. I also think Jacksonville will be wearing all-black uniforms which could help them blend in with the night skies, thus making themselves translucent to the eyes of Peyton Manning, who might struggle in this one somewhat.
Long story short, I think Harrison probably puts up close to 10 points in this one, but Adam probably hangs on for the win due to Adam V's leg.

Game 2: Shawn (David Garrard and a 68.4 point lead) vs. Jordan (Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne)
It could happen. Brady put up 55 yesterday, and Peyton has got to be getting somewhat upset with all the attention on Tommy Boy now instead of him. I think Peyton's got a chip on his shoulder, he probably plays very well in this one, but I think he'll spread the ball out amongst Harrison, Wayne, Addai, and Clark. I could see him putting up 4 TD's (one to each of those guys), and although that would be a great fantasy day, it's not enough to dig Jordan out of the hole he's in now. Shawn wins.

Game 3: Mike (65.6 point lead) vs. Shelby (Joseph Addai and Dallas Clark)
Not happening. Mike continues his Cinderella story of love and romance with a victory over Shelbus. To Mike's amazement, after the game ends, we all emerge 40-Year-Old-Virgin-style to belt out a rousing rendition of "The Dawning of The Age of Aquarius".

Oh Thank Heavens (Sorry Melvin)

Cue Nelson Muntz: HAW-HAW!!!!

Well, I alluded to it minutes ago. Now it's official. Ronnie Brown is done for the year.
If this seems like I'm being spiteful for no reason, I hitched my star to Ronnie in both of my leagues last season, when the Fins were being touted as Super Bowl contenders. He sucked, and I dropped him this year in my keeper league so I could hang on to Willis McGahee instead. I was regretting that decision for much of the season until about five minutes ago.

If anybody else would like a complete written transcript of players I hold unnecessary, irrational grudges against, let me know.

Week 7 Round-Up: Bajingos And Sasquatches

What happens when you do a Google Image search for Uruk Hai? Well, you get the greatest picture ever taken, that's what.

Well, I left Mikey's item up front and center a little longer this morning because it entailed some terrific news. But now we're done paying attention to him. It's time to divert our A.D.D. to the Week 7 NFL action, which may or may not have contained the game that finally triples the suicide rate in Eastern PA.
I don't have a lot of time for witty intros, so let's jump right into the axshun and see who played like that giant black Sasquatch, and who bitched and whined like that little blond Bajingo.

BAJINGOS

1. Chris Cooley - He struck fear into my heart only a week ago, topping 100 yards on 9 catches, but where did he go yesterday? 1 catch for 3 yards against the fabled Arizona D. Lucky for Dave, he didn't really need the points.
2. Rudi Johnson - 0 carries for 0 yards (out with a bum hammy), while spot-starter Kenny Watson cashed in on the opportunity with 31 carries for 130 yards and 3 short touchdowns. Even if Rudi returns next weekend, he's in for a rough couple of games, as the Bengals take on division rivals Pittsburgh and Baltimore in the next three weeks. In other Matt Melvin-running-back-related news, Ronnie Brown has a knee sprain, and could possibly be done for the year. That's good news for anybody who had previously made a promise to eat a Peanut Butter and Tampon sandwich if Ronnie finished in the Top 10 among running backs this season. Whew!!
3. Marc Bulger - 3 picks, 2 fumbles, 0 touchdowns, 1.1 fantasy points. St. Louis is horrendous this year no matter who they trot out to play quarterback. But I'm sure the long term deal they gave Bulger during training camp is well worth the investment.
4. Jordan's Sunday Starters - Jordan managed only 38 points through Sunday's game, highlighted most notably by Patrick Crayton's -0.6 point peformance. I TOLD you that guy sucks. It just took him longer than I expected to prove it. Anyway, Neil Rackers put up a -1, the Eagles D added only 3 points, and first round pick Shaun Alexander was good for only 7.1 points. The crazy part? With Manning and Reggie Wayne still to go, even though Jordan's down by 68 points, he's still got some hope tonight.
5. Pennsylvania - Non-fantasy item here, but both the Eagles and Steelers would have won if NFL games were 59 minutes and 50 seconds long instead of 60 minutes.

SASQUATCHES

1. Boston - The Patriots are too damn good, and the Red Sox are too damn lucky. Mike's right, these are the most annoying fans currently on the planet. Tom Brady had another 55 point day, and Wes Welker and Randy Moss are the greatest wide receiver tandem since Rice and Taylor.
2. Earnest Graham - This guy might be the best free agent pickup of the year. With Michael Bennett getting traded to the Bucs last week, some of the talk seemed to suggest that Graham could lose some work. All this talk seemed to have motivated Earnest, who carried 19 times for 92 yards, and caught 13 passes for 99 more yards.
3. Houston's Passing Game - Led by legendary NFL quarterback Sage Rosenfels, the Texans scored 4 times in the fourth quarter through the air, connecting with Andre Davis and Kevin Walter, who were both in Rich and my lineups this weekend. The Texans could be airing it out even more as it sounds like Andre Johnson should be ready to come back any time now.
4. L. Coles - I don't like spelling his entire first name, but L. Coles had himself a monster game, pulling in 8 passes for 133 yards and 2 touchdowns against the Cincinnati defense on Sunday. A good strategy seems to be to start anybody playing the Bengals defense this season. More details on this revolutionary strategy as they become available...
5. Our Boy Mikey - Aww shucks, I'm sentimental. It seems like just yesterday I dropped down on the knee to ask Angiecakes to marry me, and Mike seems to have secured himself a win yesterday, so let's give Mr. Walbert the old Sasquatch award. Ike Hilliard, Anquan Boldin, Marshawn Lynch all seemed to play inspired football after hearing about their fearless leader's plunge towards matrimony. And look at it this way Mike, if you win the league, you'll only have another 95% of that ring left to pay off!!!

Monday Morning Slobbering Yap: 10/22/07

She said yes!

5 Things I Think I Thought That Were

1. I think it's high time to announce to the Westside fantasy football blogging world that I have joined the Dead Men Walking: I'm engaged. I asked Meg on a magical, 94-degree Saturday afternoon in a pumpkin patch. She said yes. Took her to McDonald's for a celebratory soda. Got some Cook's champagne later. Then got runkled like it was Blue/White 2005. Pictures are forthcoming.

2. I think I liked not watching the Eagles on Sunday. Partly was because I was hungover and didn't want to have Bears fans breathing on my ear at the sports bar. Partly because the Eagles are a flaming turd as a whole.

3. I think that Jon's assertion last week that the current top-six teams are pretty much assured a playoff spot is seriously flawed. For one, there are six games left in the Westside regular season. A team like the Cripplers? How long can they sustain with David Garrard or some other band-aid QB? Jordan's ship is close to capsizing. And Jon, even though we genuflect in front of his picking Tomlinson and Peterson, took his third loss. I'm just saying.

4. I think that we upset Ohio State at Beaver Stadium on Saturday night, 24-20. And I also think that, unlike this past Saturday, I won't be drinking several Washington Apples to celebrate. Melvin is correct when he tells me this: Washington Apples are not manly.

5. I think we HAVE to root for the Rockies, right? I mean, can Boston please go eff an alpaca or something. The Patriots are unbeaten, the Celtics have Garnett and the Sox return to the Series, so that I can see idiot New Engladers slobbering all over their sissy Sox clothing and dragging their knuckles as they walk to the concession stand for another hot dog. I hate it. So much worse than those swollen-head Steeler fans.