Grade The Trade: Melvin's Clearinghouse Edition

Matt Melvin wants to seeya in a Kia!

The Trade: Melvin sends Malcom Floyd and Ahmad Bradshaw to Mr. X in exchange for Reggie Wayne and Ryan Grant.

The Breakdown: Melvin makes his second (!!!) trade of the young season, in your classic "Bad WR-Good RB for Good WR-Bad RB" deal. Every single player in this trade comes with a question mark. For Floyd, it's a groin injury and low reception totals. For Bradshaw, it's injury history and Brandon Jacobs vulturing the goal line carries. For Reggie Wayne, it's the Colts' sagging offense behind Kerry Collins. For Ryan Grant, it's losing his job to James Starks. The best way to look at this deal is to see what it does to each team's lineups.

Melvin - With CJ2K and Ryan Matthews in tow, Melvin could afford to jettison a running back in order to get Braylon Edwards out of his WR3 spot. He now boasts a very solid receiving crew of Maclin, Wayne, and Devery Henderson, who keeps the seat warm until Marques Colston's collarbone is back in one piece. Overall, Melvin didn't subtract too much from his lineup, and made a nice addition. Ryan Grant now likely fills the RB4 spot behind CJ Spiller.

Mr. X - With his entire bench a MASH Unit (seriously, go check his team out. Everybody on the bench is questionable, other than the Saints D and Sam Bradford), X needed a healthy body at RB. He got one, and the fact that Bradshaw is playing the atrocious Eagles run defense this week is a delicious perk. Whether or not you think Ryan won this trade really comes down to whether or not you want to trust Steve Smith (CAR) week in and week out. With a WR3 you have that flexibility. With a WR2, you do not. Listen, I know Cam Newton is making a star out of Smith so far this season, but that well's going to dry up faster than Chaz Bono's discarded ovaries (High five for the tranny joke, bro!!!). I understand the need for Ryan to have done something to address the need at RB. I'm just not certain this was the best move to make for overall roster structure. If I were in his shoes, you bet your sweet bippy I would have been trying to sell high on Smith.

My Grade: Melvin improves his 2011 trade record to 2-0 with another slight victory.

Division Preview 3 of 4: The Dickbags

One week until the NFL season kicks off!!! Let's get the rest of the division previews taken care of.

Holding up that giant noggin? I'm just surprised his neck didn't give out earlier.

CRAIG: I'm worried about Peyton. Like I think he's definitely going to regret playing with a neck injury. Like I think he's going to make it much worse or play badly because of it. There were a bunch of times late in Favre's career where he tried to gut out injuries because he was a tough guy who had to play every game, but the fact that he was injured hurt his team worse than him sitting out and letting a healthy backup play. Peyton's going to have a rough season. Like outside of the top 15 quarterbacks. I'm calling it right now.

Now having said that, I'll admit that's awfully hunchy of me and not a good reason to say Craig misses the playoffs. In fact, there's enough pieces on the roster (including backup Ryan Fitzpatrick who can be good in streaks) that a playoff run is still likely. I don't love Craig's starting running backs but I'm guessing most people would take them over my two guys. It's a deep crew here, and guys like Lynch and Pierre Thomas can always spot start for a few weeks. One spot where Craig shouldn't have to do much lineup tweaking is at WR, where he spent two top picks on Andre Johnson and Larry Fitz. That's an incredible 1-2 punch, especially in our scoring format. I'm not ready to declare Craig the division favorite here, so let's move on.

Jeremy Maclin, seen here in full pads after his drastic offseason weight loss.

MELVIN: I was watching Sports Center last night and somebody said Philip Rivers should be the #1 fantasy pick. Obviously that's stupid and that guy lost all credibility right then and there, but think about it: quarterbacks always score the most points. Would you be surprised one bit if Rivers was the top scoring QB? He could be the top scorer in the league. Intriguing. Chris Johnson was a great pick for Melvin a round later than he should have been, and although right now he's a holdout, these things almost always work out with the guy getting some sort of deal and playing. Vincent Jackson last year was the exception, not the rule. Ahmad Bradshaw is the fantasy football equivalent of a high-fiber diet; a solid, dependable number 2. Let's play word association with the WRs. Colston - Declining. Maclin - IV drip. Malcom Floyd - Unproven. Braylon Edwards - Frustrating. Jerome Simpson - Bengal. Earl Bennett - Waiver wire. Yeah, I don't like these guys. Next?

Wow, you're right Coach. Those are some incredibly big TD's!

DAVE: Maybe the worst thing to happen to Matt Schaub is the Texans' attempt to fix their defense this offseason. Schaub was awesome BECAUSE the defense in Houston was so bad. Every game seemed like a garbage-time shootout. Hopefully Schaub can still get the ball in his hands late in the game because that's a fantasy goldmine. MoJo is a pretty good consolation prize for picking last, but the RB2 situation is dire from where I sit. Shonn Greene, Joe Addai, Danny Woodhead are going to have to be a patchwork quilt to try to get production out of this spot. Love the WRs here, Megatron and the Good Mike Williams are touchdown magnets, and even though Welker is banged up, Dave made a lot of smart picks late who could all play WR3 (Julio Jones, Amendola, Nate Washington always has a good game or two) if Welker misses time. Good squad. Jimmy Graham is an intriguing pickup who SAW SOME BIG TD'S late in the season. Pretty solid team. If I were the GM, I'd look to swap out some WR depth for an upgrade at RB2.

YOUR 2011 DICKBAGS DIVISION CHAMPION: Let's look at some facts. Dave is habitually terrible at managing his team over the course of a season, and Craig always makes three or four smart moves along the way to add useful pieces and get himself a playoff spot. But if I had to pick one of these three rosters to go into the season with, I'm picking Dave's. This is a solid roster with less question marks (in my mind) than either of the other two teams, and I don't think it will need a lot of tinkering along the way. Dave wins the division title with Craig nipping at his heels.

Grade The Trade: 10/25/07

BREAKING NEWS: The Hairy Areolas and The Larry Craig Fritzes have announced a three player trade. The Craigger will send Ahman Green (old) and Fred Taylor (weak, old) to Melvin, in exchange for Dwayne Bowe (Kansas City receiver).

From Melvin's Perspective - Ahman Green hasn't had a good game since Week 2. Fred Taylor hasn't had a good game since 2002. It's no secret that I err on the side of youth when it comes to running backs. I'd rather take my chances on a hot rook than dabble with a has-been. When it comes to fantasy running backs, there just aren't that many cougars in the league. It's best to hit up the young flesh and hope for the best. It's fitting that Taylor and Green are 38 and 39 in scoring amongst running backs this year. I believe that's also their age.
Honestly, I understand that with Ronnie Brown going down for the season, you definitely need some help at RB, but at the same time, these guys should not be starting for you. They're most likely your third and fourth option, and while I'm all for stocking your bench with potential talent, you are 1-6 and this trade does not solve any of your most pressing needs.

From Craig's Perspective - Let me take a wild guess. This isn't what you had in mind when you drafted Marvin Harrison, Terrell Owens and Javon Walker in rounds 2, 3, and 4, is it? Instead you're trading away two running backs for a rookie wide receiver who plays for one of the least threatening offenses in football. To his credit, Bowe has developed nicely, he's actually the 12th ranked receiver, and has fared no worse than 40 yards or a touchdown in any game so far. While I'm leery of any Chief, this seems to be their number one wide receiver, and so long as LJ and Gonzo are keeping up with expectations, Bowe should continue to find single coverage in the secondary. While I'm 99.9% sure that he won't be able to keep up his pace and finish in the Top 12 overall, it looks like you've gotten your new WR3 while Javon heals up.

The Winner: Craig, by the slightest of edges.

Grade The Trade: 9/4/07

Matt Melvin and Rich Ely have announced a 4 player deal. The trade will send Jason Witten and Deion Branch to Melvin, while Rich will receive Tony Gonzalez and Tatum Bell.

From Melvin's Perspective: This trade gives Matt a desperately needed reliable third WR to start alongside Roy Williams and Chris Chambers. Matt Jones, or any of the Jaguars receivers, for that matter, weren't going to perform week in and week out, and this was a clear position of need for Melvin. The decision to cut Byron Leftwich and start David Garrard illustrates what kind of shambles the Jaguars passing game is in, so bringing in a guy like Branch, with a proven quarterback like Matt Hasselbeck, is a major boost for Melvin.

Jason Witten is a step down from Tony Gonzalez, but it may not be as big a dropoff as it seems. First of all, with all the weapons that the Cowboys have, they should at least be able to move the ball consistently, leading to red zone opportunites for Witten. Tony Romo is playing with a chip on his shoulder, and will look to Witten when Owens is double covered.

From Rich's Perspective: In trading for Tatum Bell, Rich really didn't improve his situation at the running back position. For a short while last week, it appeared that Lions running back Kevin Jones would be heading to the Physically Unable To Perform list, and miss a minimum of 6 weeks, however, Jones has survived the training camp roster cuts and is still part of the Detroit 53 man roster. This news makes Tatum Bell less appealing, even though he may be starting a few games until Jones is 100% healthy. Realistically, Tatum Bell will not crack Rich's starting lineup without an injury to either Laurence Maroney or Reggie Bush.

Tony Gonzalez, however, is an instant starter at tight end. While Kansas City's wide receivers don't scare anybody, Gonzo always seems to find a way to have a big season regardless. Larry Johnson is back with the team now after his holdout, so the offense has at least two proven weapons for defenses to key on. Getting Gonzalez was a good move for Rich, but he has to hope that the price he paid for him wasn't too steep.

The Winner: Slight edge goes to Matt Melvin.

Mock Lobster: Matt Melvin (Pick #10)

This picture and an empty bottle of Crown Royal are the only reminders I have that the Eagles actually made the Super Bowl in my lifetime.

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Mock Draft Pick #10: Matt Melvin selects Brian Westbrook, RB, Phi

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2006 Rushing Stats: 240 carries, 1217 yards, 7 touchdowns

2006 Receiving Stats: 77 catches, 699 yards, 4 touchdowns

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At this point in the mock draft, the next few guys off the board are pretty much going to give you the same thing. So if you're an Eagles fan, why not just take the guy you can watch 16 games a year and actually get excited when he gets in the end zone? Not that Westbrook's stats are pedestrian. His 11 touchdowns and 1900 total yard effort in '06 was easily the best of his career. In fact, prior to 2006, Westbrook had never gotten over 200 carries in a season, and never put up 1000 yards rushing. But what he lacks in carries, he'll often repay you catching the ball. The Eagles, despite the argument from local radio kingpin Howard Eskin, are notorious for throwing far more often than they run, even when they have a game in hand. That's actually one of the few drawbacks to owning Westbrook and being an Eagles fan. When the Eagles are up 27-10, you want to see Westbrook carrying the ball, padding his stats, not 5 yard outs to Matt Schobel. But I digress. Westbrook is certainly a top-10 fantasy talent, and as long as he and McNabb can stay healthy, he should perform to expectations. One new area of concern for 2007 is the presence of our boy Tony Hunt, who may end up cleaning up around the goal line and stealing some of the Eagles' rushing TD opportunities. I'd look for another 1600+ yard season from Brian, with maybe 8-9 touchdowns sprinkled in.

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And if he stinks this year, I'll go through a couple extra bottles of Crown Royal. It's a win-win!

Get To Know Your Leaguemates: Matt

And that's just breakfast!

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Matt's Fast Facts:

1. For all his culinary accomplishments, Matt is still best known for his signature dish of "Hot Beef Curtains With A Side Of Spaghetti".
   
2. Looks phenomenal in an American flag banana hammock.
   
3. Is now engaged. His fiancee attended Saint Joe's, whose loss to Oklahoma State in March 2oo4 was directly responsible for one of my most destructive nights of drinking ever. However, the silver lining was that the next day I woke up to a house of terrified girls who were distraught over the fact that one of their roomates brought a guy home who crapped all over the first floor of their house. The best part of the story is actually that the guy was just a one night stand, and the girl who brought that guy home had a boyfriend, who then assisted his cheating girlfriend in cleaning up the feces of the man she had just cheated with. That story cracks me up every time I tell it.
   
4. Was voted "Most Likely To Leave The Draft With A Crappy Looking Roster And Still Somehow Finish 12-2" by a group of his peers.