Grade The Trade: Melvin's Clearinghouse Edition

Matt Melvin wants to seeya in a Kia!

The Trade: Melvin sends Malcom Floyd and Ahmad Bradshaw to Mr. X in exchange for Reggie Wayne and Ryan Grant.

The Breakdown: Melvin makes his second (!!!) trade of the young season, in your classic "Bad WR-Good RB for Good WR-Bad RB" deal. Every single player in this trade comes with a question mark. For Floyd, it's a groin injury and low reception totals. For Bradshaw, it's injury history and Brandon Jacobs vulturing the goal line carries. For Reggie Wayne, it's the Colts' sagging offense behind Kerry Collins. For Ryan Grant, it's losing his job to James Starks. The best way to look at this deal is to see what it does to each team's lineups.

Melvin - With CJ2K and Ryan Matthews in tow, Melvin could afford to jettison a running back in order to get Braylon Edwards out of his WR3 spot. He now boasts a very solid receiving crew of Maclin, Wayne, and Devery Henderson, who keeps the seat warm until Marques Colston's collarbone is back in one piece. Overall, Melvin didn't subtract too much from his lineup, and made a nice addition. Ryan Grant now likely fills the RB4 spot behind CJ Spiller.

Mr. X - With his entire bench a MASH Unit (seriously, go check his team out. Everybody on the bench is questionable, other than the Saints D and Sam Bradford), X needed a healthy body at RB. He got one, and the fact that Bradshaw is playing the atrocious Eagles run defense this week is a delicious perk. Whether or not you think Ryan won this trade really comes down to whether or not you want to trust Steve Smith (CAR) week in and week out. With a WR3 you have that flexibility. With a WR2, you do not. Listen, I know Cam Newton is making a star out of Smith so far this season, but that well's going to dry up faster than Chaz Bono's discarded ovaries (High five for the tranny joke, bro!!!). I understand the need for Ryan to have done something to address the need at RB. I'm just not certain this was the best move to make for overall roster structure. If I were in his shoes, you bet your sweet bippy I would have been trying to sell high on Smith.

My Grade: Melvin improves his 2011 trade record to 2-0 with another slight victory.

This Is, Once Again, Our Country

Drew Brees and his favorite target, Carlton from Fresh Prince.

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So the NFL made is triumphant return to our lives last night, and all in all, I was pretty impressed. Here are some things I liked and disliked from last night's Colts-Saints contest.

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I'm generally a pessimist, so let's start with the dislikes:

-The utterly bizzare Reggie Bush/Peyton Manning "the Eagle has no feathers" skit before kickoff. What paste-eating third grader came up with that joke? Did anybody laugh? Uh-oh, Reggie Bush, the Secret Service is coming to protect you!!! I'm guessing that the same writing staff for this skit is somehow involved with their new hit show, Chuck.

-Sticking with Peyton Manning and the media, what shroom-eating liberal arts major came up with the Mind of Manning commercial??? The room with all the mini-Peytons? The room with Marvin Harrison surrounded by Dolphins (actually, I just figured that out as I typed it...)? The kid who whispers Dallas Clark? What in God's name is going on here?

-I disliked Reggie Bush. More than Drew Brees, who I think eventually will be fine, Reggie looked like he's in for a long year. It was like he was starting all his highlight reel moves to bust out a big gain, but the defense was on him before he could actually finish the move. Is he slower than we thought? Are Fresno State defenders somehow worse than NFL defenders?

-I disliked the lack of Ben Utecht, who we all paid good money to see.

-I disliked Keith Olbermann, Tiki Barber, and as always, I despised Cris Collinsworth. I would love to know why he always acts like a PMSing fat chick who hasn't had a date in six years. He's making good money being on TV, isn't he? Can't he smile or pretend he's happy, or even enjoys football? Please?????

Ok, now I'm bummed out. Let's switch gears. Here are some things I liked:

-The lack of the Tranny. Faith Hill, although she's starting to show her age just the tiniest bit, is approximately 400 times easier to look at than Pink throwing punches at me in a halter top. Leave me alone, you post-op nightmare!

-The Colts defense. Holy crap did they look good. A team like that could challenge for a Super Bowl, I reckon.

-John Madden giving the EXACT same speech from Madden 2007 about Peyton Manning getting three plays in the huddle, two runs and a pass. I was quoting him in stride as he was giving his speech. Angie proceeded to throw out my PS2.

-Reggie Freaking Wayne. You get the feeling that Peyton could probably throw to Reggie on every play, but he gets it to Marvin just as often so that there's no hard feelings. Speaking of Marvin, sweet toe drag in the end zone. It was pretty.

-Joseph Addai getting the crap knocked out of him on the first play from scrimmage of the NFL season. I had Shelby dialed up until I saw the replay, and figured he was okay. I'd love to get a look at Shelby's underwear though, which I'm 96% certain, were soiled at the time. But was there a better play to start the new season off? A bone jarring hit that you can't see in any other sport. It's sexy. Very sexy.

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Welcome back, NFL. We missed you. Now let's all do the Carlton Dance!!!!