Drew Brees and his favorite target, Carlton from Fresh Prince..
So the NFL made is triumphant return to our lives last night, and all in all, I was pretty impressed. Here are some things I liked and disliked from last night's Colts-Saints contest.
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I'm generally a pessimist, so let's start with the dislikes:
-The utterly bizzare Reggie Bush/Peyton Manning "the Eagle has no feathers" skit before kickoff. What paste-eating third grader came up with that joke? Did anybody laugh? Uh-oh, Reggie Bush, the Secret Service is coming to protect you!!! I'm guessing that the same writing staff for this skit is somehow involved with their new hit show, Chuck.
-Sticking with Peyton Manning and the media, what shroom-eating liberal arts major came up with the Mind of Manning commercial??? The room with all the mini-Peytons? The room with Marvin Harrison surrounded by Dolphins (actually, I just figured that out as I typed it...)? The kid who whispers Dallas Clark? What in God's name is going on here?
-I disliked Reggie Bush. More than Drew Brees, who I think eventually will be fine, Reggie looked like he's in for a long year. It was like he was starting all his highlight reel moves to bust out a big gain, but the defense was on him before he could actually finish the move. Is he slower than we thought? Are Fresno State defenders somehow worse than NFL defenders?
-I disliked the lack of Ben Utecht, who we all paid good money to see.
-I disliked Keith Olbermann, Tiki Barber, and as always, I despised Cris Collinsworth. I would love to know why he always acts like a PMSing fat chick who hasn't had a date in six years. He's making good money being on TV, isn't he? Can't he smile or pretend he's happy, or even enjoys football? Please?????
Ok, now I'm bummed out. Let's switch gears. Here are some things I liked:
-The lack of the Tranny. Faith Hill, although she's starting to show her age just the tiniest bit, is approximately 400 times easier to look at than Pink throwing punches at me in a halter top. Leave me alone, you post-op nightmare!
-The Colts defense. Holy crap did they look good. A team like that could challenge for a Super Bowl, I reckon.
-John Madden giving the EXACT same speech from Madden 2007 about Peyton Manning getting three plays in the huddle, two runs and a pass. I was quoting him in stride as he was giving his speech. Angie proceeded to throw out my PS2.
-Reggie Freaking Wayne. You get the feeling that Peyton could probably throw to Reggie on every play, but he gets it to Marvin just as often so that there's no hard feelings. Speaking of Marvin, sweet toe drag in the end zone. It was pretty.
-Joseph Addai getting the crap knocked out of him on the first play from scrimmage of the NFL season. I had Shelby dialed up until I saw the replay, and figured he was okay. I'd love to get a look at Shelby's underwear though, which I'm 96% certain, were soiled at the time. But was there a better play to start the new season off? A bone jarring hit that you can't see in any other sport. It's sexy. Very sexy.
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Welcome back, NFL. We missed you. Now let's all do the Carlton Dance!!!!
