Week 7 Round-Up: Bajingos And Sasquatches

What happens when you do a Google Image search for Uruk Hai? Well, you get the greatest picture ever taken, that's what.

Well, I left Mikey's item up front and center a little longer this morning because it entailed some terrific news. But now we're done paying attention to him. It's time to divert our A.D.D. to the Week 7 NFL action, which may or may not have contained the game that finally triples the suicide rate in Eastern PA.
I don't have a lot of time for witty intros, so let's jump right into the axshun and see who played like that giant black Sasquatch, and who bitched and whined like that little blond Bajingo.

BAJINGOS

1. Chris Cooley - He struck fear into my heart only a week ago, topping 100 yards on 9 catches, but where did he go yesterday? 1 catch for 3 yards against the fabled Arizona D. Lucky for Dave, he didn't really need the points.
2. Rudi Johnson - 0 carries for 0 yards (out with a bum hammy), while spot-starter Kenny Watson cashed in on the opportunity with 31 carries for 130 yards and 3 short touchdowns. Even if Rudi returns next weekend, he's in for a rough couple of games, as the Bengals take on division rivals Pittsburgh and Baltimore in the next three weeks. In other Matt Melvin-running-back-related news, Ronnie Brown has a knee sprain, and could possibly be done for the year. That's good news for anybody who had previously made a promise to eat a Peanut Butter and Tampon sandwich if Ronnie finished in the Top 10 among running backs this season. Whew!!
3. Marc Bulger - 3 picks, 2 fumbles, 0 touchdowns, 1.1 fantasy points. St. Louis is horrendous this year no matter who they trot out to play quarterback. But I'm sure the long term deal they gave Bulger during training camp is well worth the investment.
4. Jordan's Sunday Starters - Jordan managed only 38 points through Sunday's game, highlighted most notably by Patrick Crayton's -0.6 point peformance. I TOLD you that guy sucks. It just took him longer than I expected to prove it. Anyway, Neil Rackers put up a -1, the Eagles D added only 3 points, and first round pick Shaun Alexander was good for only 7.1 points. The crazy part? With Manning and Reggie Wayne still to go, even though Jordan's down by 68 points, he's still got some hope tonight.
5. Pennsylvania - Non-fantasy item here, but both the Eagles and Steelers would have won if NFL games were 59 minutes and 50 seconds long instead of 60 minutes.

SASQUATCHES

1. Boston - The Patriots are too damn good, and the Red Sox are too damn lucky. Mike's right, these are the most annoying fans currently on the planet. Tom Brady had another 55 point day, and Wes Welker and Randy Moss are the greatest wide receiver tandem since Rice and Taylor.
2. Earnest Graham - This guy might be the best free agent pickup of the year. With Michael Bennett getting traded to the Bucs last week, some of the talk seemed to suggest that Graham could lose some work. All this talk seemed to have motivated Earnest, who carried 19 times for 92 yards, and caught 13 passes for 99 more yards.
3. Houston's Passing Game - Led by legendary NFL quarterback Sage Rosenfels, the Texans scored 4 times in the fourth quarter through the air, connecting with Andre Davis and Kevin Walter, who were both in Rich and my lineups this weekend. The Texans could be airing it out even more as it sounds like Andre Johnson should be ready to come back any time now.
4. L. Coles - I don't like spelling his entire first name, but L. Coles had himself a monster game, pulling in 8 passes for 133 yards and 2 touchdowns against the Cincinnati defense on Sunday. A good strategy seems to be to start anybody playing the Bengals defense this season. More details on this revolutionary strategy as they become available...
5. Our Boy Mikey - Aww shucks, I'm sentimental. It seems like just yesterday I dropped down on the knee to ask Angiecakes to marry me, and Mike seems to have secured himself a win yesterday, so let's give Mr. Walbert the old Sasquatch award. Ike Hilliard, Anquan Boldin, Marshawn Lynch all seemed to play inspired football after hearing about their fearless leader's plunge towards matrimony. And look at it this way Mike, if you win the league, you'll only have another 95% of that ring left to pay off!!!

Monday Morning Slobbering Yap: 10/22/07

She said yes!

5 Things I Think I Thought That Were

1. I think it's high time to announce to the Westside fantasy football blogging world that I have joined the Dead Men Walking: I'm engaged. I asked Meg on a magical, 94-degree Saturday afternoon in a pumpkin patch. She said yes. Took her to McDonald's for a celebratory soda. Got some Cook's champagne later. Then got runkled like it was Blue/White 2005. Pictures are forthcoming.

2. I think I liked not watching the Eagles on Sunday. Partly was because I was hungover and didn't want to have Bears fans breathing on my ear at the sports bar. Partly because the Eagles are a flaming turd as a whole.

3. I think that Jon's assertion last week that the current top-six teams are pretty much assured a playoff spot is seriously flawed. For one, there are six games left in the Westside regular season. A team like the Cripplers? How long can they sustain with David Garrard or some other band-aid QB? Jordan's ship is close to capsizing. And Jon, even though we genuflect in front of his picking Tomlinson and Peterson, took his third loss. I'm just saying.

4. I think that we upset Ohio State at Beaver Stadium on Saturday night, 24-20. And I also think that, unlike this past Saturday, I won't be drinking several Washington Apples to celebrate. Melvin is correct when he tells me this: Washington Apples are not manly.

5. I think we HAVE to root for the Rockies, right? I mean, can Boston please go eff an alpaca or something. The Patriots are unbeaten, the Celtics have Garnett and the Sox return to the Series, so that I can see idiot New Engladers slobbering all over their sissy Sox clothing and dragging their knuckles as they walk to the concession stand for another hot dog. I hate it. So much worse than those swollen-head Steeler fans.