For one week only, we excuse the ritual of photoshopping league members onto Heisman trophies to honor All Day..
I know what you're thinking..."Chumleys BEFORE Bajingos and Sasquatches?! What the hell?!?! You LIED to me!!! You son ofa BITCH!!!" Well, what can I say, the past couple days at work have been hectic and I definitely want to make sure I get these awards handed out in a timely fashion. We'll get to B's and S's. Just not yet. Hang tight, you gorgeous men.
Game 1: Shelby def. Aaron - And the Chumley goes to...
Joseph Addai, RB, Ind - Last week I repeatedly mentioned that the Colts needed to get Addai rolling if they wanted to hang tight with the Pats. Well, Addai got himself rolling in a big way, taking a pass 73 yards just before halftime for a touchdown. He ended up with 112 yards rushing and 114 yards receiving. Although the AFC Championship would likely be held in Foxboro, the Colts showed enough in this game (without Marvin Harrison, nonetheless) to make the rematch extremely interesting should it happen. I disagree with Mike about handing the Pats the Super Bowl trophy just yet. The Colts are still the champs, and come January, they'll be eager to defend their title. Don't count them out yet. They could easily repeat.
Game 2: Rich def. Mike - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - I hate rewarding players who beat the Eagles. I hate it even more when they play for Dallas. But Romo played well in front of a hostile Sunday Night Linc crowd, going 20/25, with 324 yards and 3 TD's. Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column pointed out that Romo essentially signed the same deal as the Rams gave to Marc Bulger just before the season. Ladies and gentlemen, that is one terrible agent.
Marc Bulger:
A) Spells his name with a 'c' instead of a 'k'. French people spell it that way.
B) Is the quarterback of an 0-8 team.
C) Is 3 years older than Tony Romo.
D) Couldn't bang Carrie Underwood if you gave her three Roofie Coladas.
Game 1: Shelby def. Aaron - And the Chumley goes to...
Joseph Addai, RB, Ind - Last week I repeatedly mentioned that the Colts needed to get Addai rolling if they wanted to hang tight with the Pats. Well, Addai got himself rolling in a big way, taking a pass 73 yards just before halftime for a touchdown. He ended up with 112 yards rushing and 114 yards receiving. Although the AFC Championship would likely be held in Foxboro, the Colts showed enough in this game (without Marvin Harrison, nonetheless) to make the rematch extremely interesting should it happen. I disagree with Mike about handing the Pats the Super Bowl trophy just yet. The Colts are still the champs, and come January, they'll be eager to defend their title. Don't count them out yet. They could easily repeat.
Game 2: Rich def. Mike - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - I hate rewarding players who beat the Eagles. I hate it even more when they play for Dallas. But Romo played well in front of a hostile Sunday Night Linc crowd, going 20/25, with 324 yards and 3 TD's. Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column pointed out that Romo essentially signed the same deal as the Rams gave to Marc Bulger just before the season. Ladies and gentlemen, that is one terrible agent.
Marc Bulger:
A) Spells his name with a 'c' instead of a 'k'. French people spell it that way.
B) Is the quarterback of an 0-8 team.
C) Is 3 years older than Tony Romo.
D) Couldn't bang Carrie Underwood if you gave her three Roofie Coladas.
Seriously though, that agent should have been fired on the spot. What a deal for Dallas.
Game 3: Hefty def. Adam - And the Chumley goes to...
Adrian Peterson, RB, Min - The only thing that bothers me about watching Peterson is that he's always lowering his head. Didn't this guy shatter his collarbone? I'd be leery of using my head as a battering ram if I had a flimsy bone supporting it. But anyway, that's the only thing that bothers me. He got 30 carries with a healthy Chester Taylor, which leads me to believe that Brad Childress has finally woken up and smelled the Sanka. Speaking of Vikings personnel moves, how about the Koy Detmer signing by the Vikes???? You're kidding me, right? Kelly Holcomb's neck injury is no reason to bring in Captain Neckbeard.
By the way, if any sequence of events leads to Koy Detmer starting again in the NFL, there's no possible point spread that could keep me from getting back in the gambling circuit and betting against Minnesota. (OK, that sounded exactly like something Bill Simmons would type, but I stand by it).
Game 4: Jordan def. Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
Greg Jennings, WR, GB - Greg Jennings, eh? Well, to be honest, I don't know a damn thing about him, but ESPN tells me that he's the 13th best WR in the NFL. That's shocking to say the least. Am I the only one who goes to sleep every night praying for a Brett Favre steroid scandal? Even a Vicodin relapse would be acceptable at this point. Somebody has to end the feel good story in Green Bay. It's too much. Like those chocolate donuts that are also glazed that Dunkin Donuts sells. Come on. It's either chocolate or it's glazed. Make up your mind.
Game 5: Slims def. Shawn - And the Chumley goes to...
Clinton Portis, RB, Was - Portis had a monster game, racking up 196 yards on 36 carries (which is 100 yards fewer than Peterson on 6 more carries...just saying...), and a touchdown. Probably a bittersweet week for Slimmy though, as both of his Johnsons (Larry and Chad) are up in the air for next week's game. I'd also like to thank Slimmy for beating Shawn and putting me within one game of the divisional lead, and also for not getting upset at my awkward message board posting. For the record, I voted for "A Hug", and I'd be proud to give one to you next time I see you.
Game 6: Craig def. Deewaan - And the Chumley goes to...
Earnest Graham, RB, TB - How I arrived at my decision: I'm not rewarding T.O. on the off chance he reads my work, I'm not rewarding Westbrook, or any other Eagle after that shitstain on the rug that was Week 9, Bobby Engram came extremely close to winning, but in the end, I had to give it to Graham. The most eye-popping stat? 34 carries. For Earnest Graham??? Who the eff is this guy? And he's toting the rock 34 times against Arizona, killing clock in a 17-10 win? He also probably singlehandedly kept me alive in my survivor pool, which is reason enough for me to give him the trophy.
Congratulations to all the winners. This race is really starting to heat up, with 3 second-time winners this week. Randy Moss still has a leg up on the field, but this is anyone's game with 4 weeks to play.
Game 3: Hefty def. Adam - And the Chumley goes to...
Adrian Peterson, RB, Min - The only thing that bothers me about watching Peterson is that he's always lowering his head. Didn't this guy shatter his collarbone? I'd be leery of using my head as a battering ram if I had a flimsy bone supporting it. But anyway, that's the only thing that bothers me. He got 30 carries with a healthy Chester Taylor, which leads me to believe that Brad Childress has finally woken up and smelled the Sanka. Speaking of Vikings personnel moves, how about the Koy Detmer signing by the Vikes???? You're kidding me, right? Kelly Holcomb's neck injury is no reason to bring in Captain Neckbeard.
By the way, if any sequence of events leads to Koy Detmer starting again in the NFL, there's no possible point spread that could keep me from getting back in the gambling circuit and betting against Minnesota. (OK, that sounded exactly like something Bill Simmons would type, but I stand by it).
Game 4: Jordan def. Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
Greg Jennings, WR, GB - Greg Jennings, eh? Well, to be honest, I don't know a damn thing about him, but ESPN tells me that he's the 13th best WR in the NFL. That's shocking to say the least. Am I the only one who goes to sleep every night praying for a Brett Favre steroid scandal? Even a Vicodin relapse would be acceptable at this point. Somebody has to end the feel good story in Green Bay. It's too much. Like those chocolate donuts that are also glazed that Dunkin Donuts sells. Come on. It's either chocolate or it's glazed. Make up your mind.
Game 5: Slims def. Shawn - And the Chumley goes to...
Clinton Portis, RB, Was - Portis had a monster game, racking up 196 yards on 36 carries (which is 100 yards fewer than Peterson on 6 more carries...just saying...), and a touchdown. Probably a bittersweet week for Slimmy though, as both of his Johnsons (Larry and Chad) are up in the air for next week's game. I'd also like to thank Slimmy for beating Shawn and putting me within one game of the divisional lead, and also for not getting upset at my awkward message board posting. For the record, I voted for "A Hug", and I'd be proud to give one to you next time I see you.
Game 6: Craig def. Deewaan - And the Chumley goes to...
Earnest Graham, RB, TB - How I arrived at my decision: I'm not rewarding T.O. on the off chance he reads my work, I'm not rewarding Westbrook, or any other Eagle after that shitstain on the rug that was Week 9, Bobby Engram came extremely close to winning, but in the end, I had to give it to Graham. The most eye-popping stat? 34 carries. For Earnest Graham??? Who the eff is this guy? And he's toting the rock 34 times against Arizona, killing clock in a 17-10 win? He also probably singlehandedly kept me alive in my survivor pool, which is reason enough for me to give him the trophy.
Congratulations to all the winners. This race is really starting to heat up, with 3 second-time winners this week. Randy Moss still has a leg up on the field, but this is anyone's game with 4 weeks to play.
6 comments:
No photoshopped trophy?!
You're too good to read the caption like everybody else???
I was just ready to send the trophy to Jon when I logged on and saw that the Chumleys were already handed out! Ouch! I guess I'm not really important.... sniffle.
A player on your team shouldn't take precedence over ridiculous photoshops and shamings of our league members!
No, Craig, you're right.
However, the all time single game rushing leader surely deserves immortality on my blog.
Art Dept:
That'll teach you to miss your deadline!!! Ask Walbsy about this biz...it's cutthroat!!
-Editor
Yeah, see! We need to get the type to the press by 11:30 or the whole operation goes sour, junior.
I'd like to clarify my give-the-Pats-the-title statement in MMSY. It was more a sarcastic jab at the sports media. Because NE defeated the Super Bowl champions, it now, obviously, means that the Patriots are more indestructable than Kal Penn's acting career. I'm just tired of the Patriots, tired of Boston, tired of the annointing in Week 10. THAT is why they should just give them the title -- with a special gift-wrapped biscuit right on top of it.
Post a Comment