With that in mind, and with the Thanksgiving holiday right around the corner, let's take a look at the highs and lows from Week 11.
Sidenote: In a contrived attempt to incorporate my favorite holiday, plus eliminate the need to write 'Bajingo' or 'Sasquatch' for the eleventh time this season, we're putting a new twist on an old favorite.
STUFFING
.
Replacing Bajingos this week will be Stuffing. I don't like Stuffing. In fact, I despise it. While no two stuffing recipes are exactly the same, you can guarantee that this mish-mash of turkey organs and stale bread will be at your Thanksgiving spread on Thursday. And to get the stuff down your gullet, you'll need to drizzle it with at least three ladlefuls of gravy. Stuffing is to Thanksgiving what Fruitcake is to Christmas: an old tradtion that needs to be aborted before it goes any further. This year, say no to Stuffing. Just scoop an extra helping of mashed potatoes (or the wildly underrated Sweet Potato Casserole) on your plate and thank me later.
1. Julius Jones and Jerricho Cotchery - The two dudes I traded for this week that were supposed to help solidify my roster did anything but. In trading for Cotchery, I noticed that he had posted at least four catches in every game this season. I saw this as a sign of great consistency. Well, yesterday he had 1 catch for 5 yards. As for the Julius Jones debacle, well, I don't know what to tell you than the guy's been on every one of my fantasy teams since he was a rookie and I still have a soft spot for him. But he's fairly terrible.
2. Steve Smith and Jerrious Norwood - To be fair, at least I didn't get the short end of the stick in my trade. Steve Smith had a shin problem and was ruled out just before game time. As for Norwood, just 2 carries for 4 yards, although he was on Deewaan's bench.
3. Rudi Johnson - 8 carries, 25 yards. He blows. Next!!
4. Donovan McNabb - Although he was injured early in the game, Donovan made the least of his outing against the Fins yesterday. And that's putting it kindly. Putting it more harshly, he played like frozen dog shit. 3-11 passing, 34 yards, and 2 mind-bogglingly terrible interceptions, one of which he only had 12 seconds in the pocket to throw. Good luck throwing against Randall Gay and Asante Samuel on a gimpy ankle next week, D-Mac.
5. Peyton Manning - The Colts draw an extra dose of my ire today for squeaking away with a 13-10 win, when a loss would have won me my big money suicide pool. However, if Donovan played like frozen dog shit yesterday, Peyton played like room temperature dog shit. 16-32 passing, 163 yards, 0 TDs, and a pick. At home against the Chiefs. With the Steelers also losing yesterday, the biggest obstacle in the AFC to the Patriots may be the Cleveland Browns (P.S. I'm not joking.)
Replacing Bajingos this week will be Stuffing. I don't like Stuffing. In fact, I despise it. While no two stuffing recipes are exactly the same, you can guarantee that this mish-mash of turkey organs and stale bread will be at your Thanksgiving spread on Thursday. And to get the stuff down your gullet, you'll need to drizzle it with at least three ladlefuls of gravy. Stuffing is to Thanksgiving what Fruitcake is to Christmas: an old tradtion that needs to be aborted before it goes any further. This year, say no to Stuffing. Just scoop an extra helping of mashed potatoes (or the wildly underrated Sweet Potato Casserole) on your plate and thank me later.
1. Julius Jones and Jerricho Cotchery - The two dudes I traded for this week that were supposed to help solidify my roster did anything but. In trading for Cotchery, I noticed that he had posted at least four catches in every game this season. I saw this as a sign of great consistency. Well, yesterday he had 1 catch for 5 yards. As for the Julius Jones debacle, well, I don't know what to tell you than the guy's been on every one of my fantasy teams since he was a rookie and I still have a soft spot for him. But he's fairly terrible.
2. Steve Smith and Jerrious Norwood - To be fair, at least I didn't get the short end of the stick in my trade. Steve Smith had a shin problem and was ruled out just before game time. As for Norwood, just 2 carries for 4 yards, although he was on Deewaan's bench.
3. Rudi Johnson - 8 carries, 25 yards. He blows. Next!!
4. Donovan McNabb - Although he was injured early in the game, Donovan made the least of his outing against the Fins yesterday. And that's putting it kindly. Putting it more harshly, he played like frozen dog shit. 3-11 passing, 34 yards, and 2 mind-bogglingly terrible interceptions, one of which he only had 12 seconds in the pocket to throw. Good luck throwing against Randall Gay and Asante Samuel on a gimpy ankle next week, D-Mac.
5. Peyton Manning - The Colts draw an extra dose of my ire today for squeaking away with a 13-10 win, when a loss would have won me my big money suicide pool. However, if Donovan played like frozen dog shit yesterday, Peyton played like room temperature dog shit. 16-32 passing, 163 yards, 0 TDs, and a pick. At home against the Chiefs. With the Steelers also losing yesterday, the biggest obstacle in the AFC to the Patriots may be the Cleveland Browns (P.S. I'm not joking.)
CRANBERRY SAUCE
.
Replacing Sasquatches this week will be my good personal friend, Cranberry Sauce. Specifically Ocean Spray brand Jellied style Cranberry Sauce, but their PR department said they weren't interested in paying advertising dollars to "a blog nobody's ever heard of", so screw them. Anywho, Cranberry Sauce is the antithesis of stuffing. It's easy to serve, it's sugary enough to put you in anaphylactic shock, and it's usually not high on other people's list, so you can get away with eating 3/4 of a can of this by yourself and still not look like a hog.
1. Formerly Troubled WR #1 - Randy Moss had somewhat of a decent game. It's not that I think he'll absolutely torch the Eagles secondary next week...but I just can't think of any other way to finish that sentence. We are doomed.
2. Formerly Troubled WR #2 - Terrell Owens was actually better than Moss. 8 catches, 173 yards, and 4 TDs. I'd love to have a chat with whoever thought it was a splendid idea to play soft zone against Owens, refusing to put a man on him for his first three touchdowns. If Madden '07 has taught me anything, and it has, you play a 2 deep-man-coverage on T.O., then you shade your safety over a few yards, and then you have him switch out of zone and into a double team. That way, the QB still reads zone on the one side, and man on the other. It's foolproof.
3. Minnesota's Offensive Line - I'm beginning to think that even Rudi Johnson could run for 100 behind that line. After Adrian's injury, Chester Taylor filled in beautifully, with 22 carries for 164 yards and 3 touchdowns. This of course infuriated me that I didn't offer a Kevin Walter for Chester Taylor trade weeks ago before Peterson went down. At the risk of sounding like the Talented Mr. Roto on ESPN, the lesson is, you always handcuff your studs.
4. Andre Johnson - The Armed Robbery of a Toddler scenario has presented itself. Johnson was back yesterday and it doesn't look like he missed a step. 6 catches, 120 yards and touchdown. Slimmy would be a good bet to win this whole thing if his quarterback wasn't one more boneheaded play away from being benched.
5. Phil Dawson - The kick that wasn't, then was. I don't know if you saw replay of this, but it's awesome. The best part is watching the sheer joy on the Baltimore fans faces, then seeing them melt into confusion when they announce the booth review, then disgust when they overturn the kick, then homocidal rage as Dawson makes the game winner in OT. They should try this in a criminal trial sometime.
"We, the jury, find OJ Simpson not guilty!"
*seconds later*
"Actually, we're going to talk it over again. Hold tight for a minute, Juice."
*minutes later*
"Yeah, actually, you definitely did it. Sorry, man, you're guilty. Our bad. Didn't mean to get your hopes up."
*the next day during sentencing*
"Lethal Injection!!! Case closed!!!"
And..........
SCENE.
Replacing Sasquatches this week will be my good personal friend, Cranberry Sauce. Specifically Ocean Spray brand Jellied style Cranberry Sauce, but their PR department said they weren't interested in paying advertising dollars to "a blog nobody's ever heard of", so screw them. Anywho, Cranberry Sauce is the antithesis of stuffing. It's easy to serve, it's sugary enough to put you in anaphylactic shock, and it's usually not high on other people's list, so you can get away with eating 3/4 of a can of this by yourself and still not look like a hog.
1. Formerly Troubled WR #1 - Randy Moss had somewhat of a decent game. It's not that I think he'll absolutely torch the Eagles secondary next week...but I just can't think of any other way to finish that sentence. We are doomed.
2. Formerly Troubled WR #2 - Terrell Owens was actually better than Moss. 8 catches, 173 yards, and 4 TDs. I'd love to have a chat with whoever thought it was a splendid idea to play soft zone against Owens, refusing to put a man on him for his first three touchdowns. If Madden '07 has taught me anything, and it has, you play a 2 deep-man-coverage on T.O., then you shade your safety over a few yards, and then you have him switch out of zone and into a double team. That way, the QB still reads zone on the one side, and man on the other. It's foolproof.
3. Minnesota's Offensive Line - I'm beginning to think that even Rudi Johnson could run for 100 behind that line. After Adrian's injury, Chester Taylor filled in beautifully, with 22 carries for 164 yards and 3 touchdowns. This of course infuriated me that I didn't offer a Kevin Walter for Chester Taylor trade weeks ago before Peterson went down. At the risk of sounding like the Talented Mr. Roto on ESPN, the lesson is, you always handcuff your studs.
4. Andre Johnson - The Armed Robbery of a Toddler scenario has presented itself. Johnson was back yesterday and it doesn't look like he missed a step. 6 catches, 120 yards and touchdown. Slimmy would be a good bet to win this whole thing if his quarterback wasn't one more boneheaded play away from being benched.
5. Phil Dawson - The kick that wasn't, then was. I don't know if you saw replay of this, but it's awesome. The best part is watching the sheer joy on the Baltimore fans faces, then seeing them melt into confusion when they announce the booth review, then disgust when they overturn the kick, then homocidal rage as Dawson makes the game winner in OT. They should try this in a criminal trial sometime.
"We, the jury, find OJ Simpson not guilty!"
*seconds later*
"Actually, we're going to talk it over again. Hold tight for a minute, Juice."
*minutes later*
"Yeah, actually, you definitely did it. Sorry, man, you're guilty. Our bad. Didn't mean to get your hopes up."
*the next day during sentencing*
"Lethal Injection!!! Case closed!!!"
And..........
SCENE.
3 comments:
First Things First...STUFFING IS AWESOME!!! The secret recipe that Grandma Stoner makes every year is absolutely out-of this world! If only you could experience it, Jon, I'm sure your stuffing opinion would change drastically. Come to think of it, maybe the celery leaves that grandma STONER puts in the recipe arent really celery leaves...?
I too, saw the end of the cleveland/baltimore game yesterday and I was giddy with excitement cause for some reason I find myself rooting for the browns this year! And this morning on my drive back from DC it was even better because I was listening to a Baltimore radio station and all the Ravens fans were calling in and crying about the game, wah wah wah! it was AWESOME!
I'm going to need verification on this one. Aaron, I'm assuming you can vouch for Grandma Stoner's stuffing.
What's the deal? Thumbs up or down?
I don't believe Aaron ever had Grandma Stoner's stuffing... Neilye's dad was Grandma Stoner's nephew, but that side of the clan never came around for thanksgiving... too busy playing field hockey. Aaron, just think...we could be blood brothers!!!!! but you had to go and throw it all away.
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