BLACK COWHER!!!!! BLACK COWHER!!!!!
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Editor's Note: Today we have a special guest author, Aaron Repucci, who will walk us through the storylines behind the 2007 Steelers. This is part 1 of a 2 part series.
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STEELERS ’07: 99 Problems but Champion Beer Pong Representatives Aren’t 1
Steelers come in to the 2007 season with so many ????’s. Sure, no one has crashed an auto bike, but the replacement of the steel city’s beloved kordell kissing coach, Bill Cowher, is enough to have everyone’s panties in collective bunches. Not to mention the fact that the iron makers are coming off of a mistake filled, disappointing 8-8 season. Plus…who’s that big headed guy with overall’s running around in the stands creeping everyone out??? That creeper mascot is gonna be the sole cause of at least 6 roethlisberger INT’s.
But anyways…let’s get down to business…
Q1. TOMLIN, TOMLIN, TOMLIN…oh yeah…and ARIANS?????
Umm….mom…where’s bill cowher?? What is that really tan fellow doing with a headset on??? Mom??!!! Over 15 memorable seasons, steeler fans grew to trust cowher with their hearts, lives, children, prescription drugs and football team….and then he breaks our hearts and leaves…
Enter stage right, mike tomlin, walking on his own two legs all fat and cocky. With zero years as a head coach, no one is really sure how Tomlin will hold up. Early reports out of camp look good. ESPN reported that Tomlin is holding one of the most physical camps in the NFL and making a point to let players know that this is HIS team now….that he is the alpha male. Mental warfare tactics include Tomlin dressing in all black outfits…long sleeved, long panted…so that no player can complain that it’s “too hot.” That’s what I like to hear, especially if the steelers want to maintain their rep as a hard nose, smash mouth fball team.
While this seems all well and good, what worries me more is the implementation of a new offense and sort of a new defense. Arians (scary right off the bat cuz his name sounds like he want to make a perfect human) intends to stretch the offense out and open things up a bit. GULP. This is scary…(more on this in Q2). But let’s just say that the offense has looked way less than stellar in the preseason.
Reports out of camp are that LeBeau’s frickin’ awesome zone blitzing schemes are being “blended” with Tomlin’s “Tampa 2” style of defense (don’t forget he was a defensive coordinator before this). While these two defensive master minds could create an amazing mutant beast of an attacking, killer defensive…they also might create something that’s just flat out too complicated or confusing. I hope it’s the mutant beast. But it sure would be funny to see larry foote and marvin Harrison running around in circles with their hands in the air while the stereotypical circus clown music plays in the background…yeah…go ahead…picture that one in your head.
Q2. BIG BEN? Or ACCIDENT BEN?
Big Ben went from a few mistake QB to a mistakeful QB in one season. Let’s look at the stats…’05 Season – 9 INT’s…..’06 Season - TWENTY THREE frickin’ INT’s. While I do think that B Roth will improve upon his ’06 #’s regardless of the offensive scheme, I think he fit perfectly in the to steelers ’05 scheme which relied heavily on the run and just needed him to convert 3rd and longs (which he did very well) and to NOT TURNOVER the ball. An Arian run offense looking to stretch out the offense and put more emphasis on the passing game might not be the best fit for Mr. Benjamin?????
Q3. STEELY MCBEAM??? McWTF???
I got nothin…Steeler’s head office just made the Steelers into the laughing stock of the nation…I have no defense for these shenanigans. It is just outright awful. Will STEELY destroy the team? Maybe…just maybe…
Q4. PARKER’s GROIN?
While I like Barlow and Najeh (g@yest name ever…say it slow and with a deep voice…you’ll see) as back ups, Steelers success is largely dependent on Willie Parker. I think he has the goods to deliver. But the question is…can he keep his goods healthy?
Q5. PORTER GONE? EMOTIONAL LEADER? MATT FOOLEY (rip)??
Porter lost some of his edge last year. So while I don’t think the Steelers will miss his play too much, I think they will miss his emotional leadership. Who will step up and be the heart of the D??
Q6. DOES MANIMAL HAVE A WOLVERINE-ESQUE HEALING FACTOR?
Polamalu wasn’t the same last year. This man beast with a terrifying black mane straight from the depths of hades was feared in the ’05 season. But a concussed head and knee ligamental problems took the bite out of this tiger in ’06. His return to altered beast status will be directly linked to the success of Pittsburgh’s D in 2007.
.
.
.
Q99. DOES BAYLOR PUNTER SEPULVEDA LIKE PUPPIES???
This one speaks for itself and will be pivotal for a successful steeler season.
SEASON BREAKDOWN COMING SOON……..
Steelers come in to the 2007 season with so many ????’s. Sure, no one has crashed an auto bike, but the replacement of the steel city’s beloved kordell kissing coach, Bill Cowher, is enough to have everyone’s panties in collective bunches. Not to mention the fact that the iron makers are coming off of a mistake filled, disappointing 8-8 season. Plus…who’s that big headed guy with overall’s running around in the stands creeping everyone out??? That creeper mascot is gonna be the sole cause of at least 6 roethlisberger INT’s.
But anyways…let’s get down to business…
Q1. TOMLIN, TOMLIN, TOMLIN…oh yeah…and ARIANS?????
Umm….mom…where’s bill cowher?? What is that really tan fellow doing with a headset on??? Mom??!!! Over 15 memorable seasons, steeler fans grew to trust cowher with their hearts, lives, children, prescription drugs and football team….and then he breaks our hearts and leaves…
Enter stage right, mike tomlin, walking on his own two legs all fat and cocky. With zero years as a head coach, no one is really sure how Tomlin will hold up. Early reports out of camp look good. ESPN reported that Tomlin is holding one of the most physical camps in the NFL and making a point to let players know that this is HIS team now….that he is the alpha male. Mental warfare tactics include Tomlin dressing in all black outfits…long sleeved, long panted…so that no player can complain that it’s “too hot.” That’s what I like to hear, especially if the steelers want to maintain their rep as a hard nose, smash mouth fball team.
While this seems all well and good, what worries me more is the implementation of a new offense and sort of a new defense. Arians (scary right off the bat cuz his name sounds like he want to make a perfect human) intends to stretch the offense out and open things up a bit. GULP. This is scary…(more on this in Q2). But let’s just say that the offense has looked way less than stellar in the preseason.
Reports out of camp are that LeBeau’s frickin’ awesome zone blitzing schemes are being “blended” with Tomlin’s “Tampa 2” style of defense (don’t forget he was a defensive coordinator before this). While these two defensive master minds could create an amazing mutant beast of an attacking, killer defensive…they also might create something that’s just flat out too complicated or confusing. I hope it’s the mutant beast. But it sure would be funny to see larry foote and marvin Harrison running around in circles with their hands in the air while the stereotypical circus clown music plays in the background…yeah…go ahead…picture that one in your head.
Q2. BIG BEN? Or ACCIDENT BEN?
Big Ben went from a few mistake QB to a mistakeful QB in one season. Let’s look at the stats…’05 Season – 9 INT’s…..’06 Season - TWENTY THREE frickin’ INT’s. While I do think that B Roth will improve upon his ’06 #’s regardless of the offensive scheme, I think he fit perfectly in the to steelers ’05 scheme which relied heavily on the run and just needed him to convert 3rd and longs (which he did very well) and to NOT TURNOVER the ball. An Arian run offense looking to stretch out the offense and put more emphasis on the passing game might not be the best fit for Mr. Benjamin?????
Q3. STEELY MCBEAM??? McWTF???
I got nothin…Steeler’s head office just made the Steelers into the laughing stock of the nation…I have no defense for these shenanigans. It is just outright awful. Will STEELY destroy the team? Maybe…just maybe…
Q4. PARKER’s GROIN?
While I like Barlow and Najeh (g@yest name ever…say it slow and with a deep voice…you’ll see) as back ups, Steelers success is largely dependent on Willie Parker. I think he has the goods to deliver. But the question is…can he keep his goods healthy?
Q5. PORTER GONE? EMOTIONAL LEADER? MATT FOOLEY (rip)??
Porter lost some of his edge last year. So while I don’t think the Steelers will miss his play too much, I think they will miss his emotional leadership. Who will step up and be the heart of the D??
Q6. DOES MANIMAL HAVE A WOLVERINE-ESQUE HEALING FACTOR?
Polamalu wasn’t the same last year. This man beast with a terrifying black mane straight from the depths of hades was feared in the ’05 season. But a concussed head and knee ligamental problems took the bite out of this tiger in ’06. His return to altered beast status will be directly linked to the success of Pittsburgh’s D in 2007.
.
.
.
Q99. DOES BAYLOR PUNTER SEPULVEDA LIKE PUPPIES???
This one speaks for itself and will be pivotal for a successful steeler season.
SEASON BREAKDOWN COMING SOON……..
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