Week 10: The Tony Awards

"I know, it's huge. Thanks for noticing."

I don't know why, but that picture just made me LoL at my office so in the blog it goes! Our man and Hefty's other love interest is back in the game this week, so hopefully that will make for some interesting story lines come Monday morning. For now, let's recap the studs from week 10 that propelled their teams to victory!


Rich def. Aaron - And the Tony goes to Jay Cutler. 3TDs and 447 yards!! Wowzers! His 41 points allowed Rich to squeak by Aaron after Burrito Rice posted a valiant effort in MNF. Close game and all the more reason to play against the league average!! Yay for evidence based arguments!


Mike def. Dave - And the Tony goes to Thomas Jones. In another tight game this week the Jets runningback saved Mike by going for 150 yards and 3TDs of his own. It was easily his highest scoring game of the season. Will he be able to continue the upward trend against the nemesis Patriots? NFL Network will tell us tonight!


Jordan def. Hefty - And the Tony goes to Adrian Peterson. When you MUST have a win, lean on your studs. The #2 overall pick didn't disappoint. Peterson is now the NFL's leading rusher and his 30.5 points in week 10 made sure Hefty wouldn't be seeing the top of the standings anytime soon.


Craig def. Jonesy - And the Tony goes to Tyler Thigpen. Raise your hand if you had heard of Thigpen before the season. No one? Not surprising. This guy has come out of no where to record three straight off the chart fantasy weeks. His 32.7 points were topped only by Warner and Cutler. That's impressive and a premonition for later in this column. Truthfully, this was a hard one to pick. Four guys on my team scored 24 or more points. That's balance and that's deadly.


Adam def. Shawn - And the Tony goes to Maurice Jones-Drew. If you haven't been paying attention, MJD has a monster game every 3rd week. In games 3, 6 and 9 he's scored 24, 29 and 28 points respectively. In all other games he's totaled 49 points. That means he'll have a huge week to get Adam into the playoffs in week 13 and then another huge week to win Adam the title, right?


Melvin def. Shelby - And the Tony goes to Kurt Warner. Melvin was down going into MNF. But Warner continued his MVP campaign by slicing and dicing the 49ers to the tune of 328 yards and 3 scores. He's cut down on the turnovers too, with only 3 in his last five games. That either means he's corrected something or he's due for another six turnover meltdown like he had against the Jets.

Week 10 Chumleys: Drexel Hill Edition

Rich brings in da noise and da funk.

So. Week 10 has come and gone. Three weeks of Regular Season Fantasy action remain on the calendar. Three weeks left for seven teams to make a push and join Shawn in the Big Dance. The clock is ticking and the trade deadline is approaching. Let's see which NFL stars were this week's keys to a postseason berth.

Game 1: Aaron def. Mike - And the Chumley goes to...
Warrick Dunn, RB, Atl - Aaron arrived at Melvin's crib on Friday Night in a state of panic. The more ESPNNews savvy in the crowd told him that Frank Gore wasn't playing in Monday's contest (turns out that was false). Aaron started to fret, claiming he didn't have a good running back to put next to MJD in his lineup. Trade speculation was rampant, at one point names like Correll Buckhalter were flying around. By night's end, A-Rep had decided to fill the vacancy in house, the only question was with who? Kenton Keith and Warrick Dunn were options. I, being the fantasy football blogger and self-proclaimed expert, told him to go with Kenton because at least the Colts would put up points and Keith might grab a TD of his own (lo and behold he did). In the end, Aaron went with Warrick Dunn, and it turned out to be the right move. Dunn chipped in with 22.2 points after being an afterthought only a few days earlier. Nice move, Pooch.

Game 2: Rich def. Paul - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - Ladies and gentlemen, we officially have ourselves a Chumley Race. Romo has now bagged his third Chumley of the season, doing so with a fine 35.2 point performance. Speaking of a fine performance, major props go out to Rich for bringing the infamous Blue Horn down to Melvin's on Friday, filling the shoes of the original Green Horn. The horns have become a tradition unlike any other, as countless delicious beers have been conveyed from bottle to mouth through the confines of this musical instrument. If I were handing out Real Life Chumleys, Rich may have clinched one for keeping the Legend of Blue Horn alive.
Sidenote: When we do the Triple Threat Bachelor Party, this is a mandatory party accessory. And we need custom T-shirts.

Game 3: Craig def. Jordan - And the Chumley goes to...
Brian Westbrook, RB, Phi - Step aside, Tony Romo, Brian's got three Chumleys of his own. Words cannot express how valuable Westbrook is to both Craig and the Eagles. In fact, I'm embarrased that the Eagles made him return the extra money from his paychecks last year. He's worth whatever the accounting error was, he's literally carrying this team on his shoulders. Brian is second in receptions among all NFL running backs, to only Reggie Bush. Bush has 55 catches (for a measly 304 yards, less than 6 ypc), Westbrook has 54 (for 518, more than 9 ypc). No other RB even has 40. That's an awesome stat. Even if the Eagles begin a rebuilding process after this season, with Westbrook in the fold, they'll still always be dangerous.
Sidenote: If you look up "Idiot Savant" in the dictionary, there's a picture of Craig playing Big Buck Hunter. The man is like the deaf, dumb, and blind kid from "Pinball Wizard". And yes, that's a 'Who' reference. My dad would be awfully proud.

Game 4: Adam def. Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
Hines Ward, WR, Pit - To be honest, there's not many worthy candidates on this squad. Hines kicked in with 17.4 points, on 7 catches for 80 yards and a touchdown. But Hines gets extra badass points for scoring on a two point conversion to put the Steelers up by a field goal in the 4th. Is that a logical reason to hand somebody a trophy? Maybe not. But it's my trophy and I say the 2 pt. conversion is a badass play. Congratulations Hines.
And congratulations to Adam, who trekked the farthest to make it down to Melvin's on Friday Night, going on what Google maps claims is a 4+ hour journey. Unbelievable dedication shown there by the resident woodsman.

Game 5: Shawn def. Deewaan - And the Chumley goes to...
Jeremy Shockey, TE, NYG - I already touched on Shockey's game in the Bajingos and Sasquatches feature, but the point is still valid: 12 catches by a tight end is far too many for an NFL defense to allow. Possibly true fact: In my entire 9th-12th grade playing career as a tight end, I'm not sure I hauled in 12 passes. I'm sure I was in that neighborhood. Somewhere in the 10-20 range. I do know I only scored two touchdowns, and Shockey even managed to do half of that in this game. Good stuff.
Shawn was not at Melvin's, and therefore, I have no anecdote to share about him.

Game 6: Shelby def. Hefty - And the Chumley goes to...
Shayne Graham, K, Cin - Many traditional media members would have gone with Favre in this one. Then again, many traditional media members go to bed at night praying they'll wake up as an ingrown hair on Favre's grundle. Needless to say, I'm not a traditional media member. No, I'll go out of my way to reward a kicker who made seven chip shot field goals, while his asshat QB couldn't lead one G-D scoring drive out of seven red zone trips. Enjoy the spotlight, Shayne. I hope it's your last time up here.
Shelby doesn't really exist, and therefore, couldn't take time out of his busy (read: greasing up his ding-dong to Alanis Morissette music videos from 1995) schedule to come up and see his buds.

Alright, there you have it! Week 10 in the books. Congratulations to all the winners, and especially Brian Westbrook and Tony Romo, who join Randy Moss as the only Three-Time-Award-Winners in Chumley history!!

Week 10 Round Up: Bajingos and Sasquatches

Sasquatch #5 will be enjoying the Golden Shower after this weekend.

It's time for everybody's favorite "who's hot/who's not" look around the fantasy scene. Yes, boy howdy, it's Bajingos and Sasquatches! Let's take a glance and see who deserves accolades (that's good!) and who deserves admonishment (that's bad!)!!
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BAJINGOS

1. The Peefaces That Are The Cincinnati Bengals Offense: Come ON!!!! Seven trips to the red zone, seven field goals. Not one lousy touchdown pass, not one lousy Carson Palmer QB sneak touchdown. Ugly. Shelby must have given Marvin Lewis one hell of a pregame beej.

2. Jamal Lewis: I'm guessing this isn't what Jamal had in mind for an encore to last week's 4 touchdown performance. 16 rushes for 35 yards. Putrid. Look, I know my glory days have come and gone as an athlete. Sad but true. But I'm pretty sure that if you gave me the ball 16 times in an NFL game, running behind an NFL line, I could average 2 yards a carry. I'd probably get a concussion or six, but that's beside the point. The point is, how does an NFL back get 35 yards on 16 carries?

3. LenDale White: Speaking of fat running backs, it's LenDale White!!! LenDale's stat line was actually worse than Jamal's: 8 carries for 12 yards. If I was a Titans coach, I'd have the grounds crew sprinkle the goal line with bacon bits just before kickoff. That way, LenDale would have extra motivation to get in the endzone.
Sidenote: I actually think the "LenDale White Is Fat!" jokes are stupid, and not that funny. But boy are they easy.

4. Adam Vinatieri - Any time you get a -1, you're a pretty good bet for Bajingo status. But miss a game winning 29 yarder despite being hailed as the most clutch kicker in the NFL and you're a mortal lock. Awful day for Adam and the Colts.

5. Philip Rivers - My. God. This guy is terrible. I know he occasionally gets his stats here and there. And yes, he's still ranked 16th among QB's. But he looked like a rookie Sunday against the Colts. He's lost TEN fumbles this year! TEN!!!! To put that in perspective, Steve McNair has eight. Donovan McNabb has six. How this guy still has a starting QB job is beyond me.

SASQUATCHES

1. The Juggernaut That Is The Cincinnati Bengals Defense: Look, I realize that any defense squaring up against the Baltimore Ravens offense is probably in for a good day. But on the other hand, any offense lining up across from the fellas in Orange and Black practically starts the game with 14 points. It's your classic Resistable-Force-Meets-Movable-Object. Well, anyway, the Bengals slapped together a near-shutout and pressured Steve McNair into countless mistakes, totalling six takeaways on the day.

2. Brian Westbrook: B West had the best day of any running back, scoring on his trademark shovel pass, a nifty catch and run that went for a long score, and a walk-in touchdown that sealed the game for the Birds. All in all, Westbrook accounted for 183 yards and 3 touchdowns. Best of all, he's restored my faith in the Eagles, who I've now made my Week 11 Suicide Pick.

3. Jeremy Shockey: Good Lord, do I hate Shockey. But watching the Dallas-Giants game on Sunday afternoon, I couldn't help but be impressed. The guy was absolutely everywhere: 12 catches for 129 yards and a score.

4. Tony Romo: On the other sideline, of course, was another fantasy points machine. Romo had his second 4 passing TD game of the season (both against NYG), on 20 of 28 for 247 yards. I feel kind of horrible for saying this, but Romo's actually kind of a likeable guy (as opposed to J-Shock). Although I was rooting for the Giants in this one (or a terrorist attack), it was hard not to be impressed with Romo's effort. I'm actually terrified to watch him carve up the Eagles twice a year for the next six.

5. The Canadian Cripplers: Do the math. Shawn has just clinched a playoff spot. He's up 4 games on the 9th place team with 3 left to play. Congratulations to our only 8-2 squad. Now that you clinched, I say it's time to rest your starters for the playoffs. Feel free to start all your bench players. In fact, do it this week. I'm sure whoever you're playing this week will be okay with it.

Week 10 Photo Finishes: Torn Ligament Edition

Don't worry about sucking, 49ers. Nobody's watching tonight anyway.

Well it's about time to put the lid back on the NFL and let simmer for 6 more days on medium heat, stirring occasionally. In other words, it's Monday Night. This is possibly the least interesting MNF matchup of the year, and that's not saying much, as they've definitely shown us some snoozers. Lucky for our fantasy landscape, not many of us are dependent on tonight's contest to determine our fates.

Let's take a look at what should be the only fantasy game impacted by tonight's (in)action.

Game 1: Mike (10.2 points) vs. Aaron (Matt Hasselbeck)
Honestly I think this is pretty much a slam dunk for Aaron to win. However, the weather forecast out of Seattle tonight is showing wind gusts of up to 60 MPH, which could make passing just a tad more difficult. While I certainly think the overall passing numbers should be tamed in this one, it's expecting too much for San Fran's defense to hold Matt Hasselbeck to under 100 yards and a score, which without any interceptions, is all it would take for Aaron to win. Aaron will get by, but probably not by much.

Re-reading what I wrote above, I sense a melancholy tone coming from my keyboard. I'm sorry to be Debbie Downer, but I just found out that Adrian Peterson tore a Lateral Collateral Ligament (that can't possibly be right, Lateral Co-Lateral??), which I hear is the least important ligament, but still one of those rubber bands that holds your leg bones together, so it's still somewhat necessary for proper running form.
Alas, I've avoided the injury bug far too long this season and probably had it coming.

MMSY: 11/12/07

Following this weekend, is it too much to ask "Touchdown" Fred Barnett to take over the body of Hank Baskett?

5 Things I Think I Thought That Were

1. I think that depsite not clinching a "win" per se with the controversial trade this week with Shawn, I'm glad to pawn off on the Pittsburgh fan the splendid mediocrity that is Willie Parker. Sure, his points-per-week average is good. Going into the weekend he was ranked the #11 scoring running back in ESPN. But Shawn, buddy: Enjoy the 100-yard games with no touchdowns. It really gets to be enjoyable -- even more so when you expend a No. 7 first round pick on him and watch the back chosen after Parker (Dr. Brian Westbrook) drop a 43-point atom bomb this week.

2. Jumpin' jehosiphat! What was with the stat line from James Thrash?? It was sickening to watch him dissect the Birds D, but then something strange happened. If one former trashy Birds offensive player could somehow be reincarnated on the field, well, why couldn't the current Eagles team benefit as well? It was as though the ghosts of Charles Johnson and Jed Weaver took over the bodies of Reggie Brown and LJ Smith. Weird, odd stuff.

3. I think it's really puzzling how fantasy football scoring works sometimes. Just look at Peyton Manning. Six interceptions! And somehow he's able to generate 19 points. I get the whole 328 yards passing and that accounting for something, but what the drilly-o? Commish, can we institute next year some sort of scoring penalty that would be triggered when a quarterback throws, oh, four INTs in a game? Maybe like a -10? As A Little Slap And Pickle would say, "I'm just saying."

4. I think that I will never live down my past indiscretions with past flames, no matter how much time passes. It was wonderful getting a voicemail from Craig, with you hoodlums shouting various names out in the background. Ohhhhhhhhh you guys!

5. I think that I'd be curious to hear how Jon's Saturday morning went. Word on the street from The Pied Piper of Upper Darby is that he had the most ... eventful ... Friday evening with the boys. Do share blog daddy!