THE FINAL CHUMLEY CEREMONY

With his league leading 5th Chumley award, Tony and Jessica are now officially the Power Couple of A Little Slap And Pickle!!

The Heisman may get more airtime on ESPN, but there's another very special award to hand out tonight. For the past few weeks, Randy Moss vs. Tony Romo has been the ALSAP!! equivalent of Tim Tebow vs. Darren McFadden. The Chumleys will wrap up today, and after 13 weeks, I'm pleased to announce we have ourselves a grand champion. He wasn't the only one deserving of the Week 13 hardware, so let's see who else earned themselves a statue.

Game 1: The Ding Dong Danglers def. Pocket T-Bags - And the Chumley goes to...
Panthers, D/ST, Car - 4 picks, 2 fumble recoveries, 6 sacks, and a touchdown all added up to a 28 point day out of the Kitty Cats.

Game 2: MPJ's def. Nutz - And the Chumley goes to...
Hines Ward, WR, Pit - Hines caught 11 balls for 90 yards and 2 touchdowns. The yardage is surprising after that many catches, but the wily-Half-Asian was good for 23.2 points. Not surprisingly, this game happened against the Bengals D. If anybody has a few spare hours, go through the archives and figure out how many Chumley awards were won against Cincinnati's defense. It seems like it's at least 20 percent.

Game 3: Chicago def. Bisbee - And the Chumley goes to...
LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, SD - The #1 overall pick collects his second Chumley of the season. LT had a monster day running for 177 yards and 2 scores. Sidenote: Did anybody notice that the two teams squaring off for the #1 playoff seed last week drafted 11th and 12th? That's proof right there that you can have a great season no matter where you are in the draft order. Pretty amazing GM job by both Shawn and Rich.

Game 4: N. Korea def. Hawaii - And the Chumley goes to...
Peyton Manning, QB, Ind - Peyt put together his best game of the season just in time for the playoffs. Manning has thrown 7 touchdowns in his past two games and is doing just fine even though Marvin Harrison is still dinged up.

Game 5: Death Knell def. Sen. Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Terrell Owens, WR, Dal - Owens has gone for 100+ yards in 5 of his past 6 games, and he's caught a TD in the last seven straight. Dallas is clearly playing the best football in the NFC right now, and if the Super Bowl matchup is Dallas-New England, I'm not having the Super Bowl party this year. I'm just not ready to decide which team I despise less.

Game 6: Canada def. Jabroc, TN - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - Tony puts a nice ribbon on the Chumley race with his Week 13 gem. Against the Packers, Tony had 309 yards, 4 TDs, and 37.1 fantasy points. Rich is now in the driver's seat for the playoffs, and most importantly, the Chumley went to the best player on the best team, which is how it was supposed to go. What's most amazing about Romo's season is the gap in the numbers between him and the rest of the QBs in the NFL (other than Tom Brady). Romo has 355.3 points this year, the next closest horse in the race is Derek Anderson with 287.9, and then there's another six guys all in the same range. But Romo's numbers blow them all away.

A heartfelt congratulations to Tony Romo, who will now be known as Mr. Chumley, and his lovely bride Jessica Simpson. For his season-long accomplishment, Mr. Chumley will win a fantabulous prize package. Let's see what the happy couple has won.
-A year of free Appletinis at Chumley's Bar
-A lifetime supply of ProActiv solution
-An official A Little Slap And Pickle!! hand towel
-An "Employee of the Month" DVD (Widescreen)
-A shiatsu massage from Peter King (complete with Happy Ending)

Week 10 Chumleys: Drexel Hill Edition

Rich brings in da noise and da funk.

So. Week 10 has come and gone. Three weeks of Regular Season Fantasy action remain on the calendar. Three weeks left for seven teams to make a push and join Shawn in the Big Dance. The clock is ticking and the trade deadline is approaching. Let's see which NFL stars were this week's keys to a postseason berth.

Game 1: Aaron def. Mike - And the Chumley goes to...
Warrick Dunn, RB, Atl - Aaron arrived at Melvin's crib on Friday Night in a state of panic. The more ESPNNews savvy in the crowd told him that Frank Gore wasn't playing in Monday's contest (turns out that was false). Aaron started to fret, claiming he didn't have a good running back to put next to MJD in his lineup. Trade speculation was rampant, at one point names like Correll Buckhalter were flying around. By night's end, A-Rep had decided to fill the vacancy in house, the only question was with who? Kenton Keith and Warrick Dunn were options. I, being the fantasy football blogger and self-proclaimed expert, told him to go with Kenton because at least the Colts would put up points and Keith might grab a TD of his own (lo and behold he did). In the end, Aaron went with Warrick Dunn, and it turned out to be the right move. Dunn chipped in with 22.2 points after being an afterthought only a few days earlier. Nice move, Pooch.

Game 2: Rich def. Paul - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - Ladies and gentlemen, we officially have ourselves a Chumley Race. Romo has now bagged his third Chumley of the season, doing so with a fine 35.2 point performance. Speaking of a fine performance, major props go out to Rich for bringing the infamous Blue Horn down to Melvin's on Friday, filling the shoes of the original Green Horn. The horns have become a tradition unlike any other, as countless delicious beers have been conveyed from bottle to mouth through the confines of this musical instrument. If I were handing out Real Life Chumleys, Rich may have clinched one for keeping the Legend of Blue Horn alive.
Sidenote: When we do the Triple Threat Bachelor Party, this is a mandatory party accessory. And we need custom T-shirts.

Game 3: Craig def. Jordan - And the Chumley goes to...
Brian Westbrook, RB, Phi - Step aside, Tony Romo, Brian's got three Chumleys of his own. Words cannot express how valuable Westbrook is to both Craig and the Eagles. In fact, I'm embarrased that the Eagles made him return the extra money from his paychecks last year. He's worth whatever the accounting error was, he's literally carrying this team on his shoulders. Brian is second in receptions among all NFL running backs, to only Reggie Bush. Bush has 55 catches (for a measly 304 yards, less than 6 ypc), Westbrook has 54 (for 518, more than 9 ypc). No other RB even has 40. That's an awesome stat. Even if the Eagles begin a rebuilding process after this season, with Westbrook in the fold, they'll still always be dangerous.
Sidenote: If you look up "Idiot Savant" in the dictionary, there's a picture of Craig playing Big Buck Hunter. The man is like the deaf, dumb, and blind kid from "Pinball Wizard". And yes, that's a 'Who' reference. My dad would be awfully proud.

Game 4: Adam def. Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
Hines Ward, WR, Pit - To be honest, there's not many worthy candidates on this squad. Hines kicked in with 17.4 points, on 7 catches for 80 yards and a touchdown. But Hines gets extra badass points for scoring on a two point conversion to put the Steelers up by a field goal in the 4th. Is that a logical reason to hand somebody a trophy? Maybe not. But it's my trophy and I say the 2 pt. conversion is a badass play. Congratulations Hines.
And congratulations to Adam, who trekked the farthest to make it down to Melvin's on Friday Night, going on what Google maps claims is a 4+ hour journey. Unbelievable dedication shown there by the resident woodsman.

Game 5: Shawn def. Deewaan - And the Chumley goes to...
Jeremy Shockey, TE, NYG - I already touched on Shockey's game in the Bajingos and Sasquatches feature, but the point is still valid: 12 catches by a tight end is far too many for an NFL defense to allow. Possibly true fact: In my entire 9th-12th grade playing career as a tight end, I'm not sure I hauled in 12 passes. I'm sure I was in that neighborhood. Somewhere in the 10-20 range. I do know I only scored two touchdowns, and Shockey even managed to do half of that in this game. Good stuff.
Shawn was not at Melvin's, and therefore, I have no anecdote to share about him.

Game 6: Shelby def. Hefty - And the Chumley goes to...
Shayne Graham, K, Cin - Many traditional media members would have gone with Favre in this one. Then again, many traditional media members go to bed at night praying they'll wake up as an ingrown hair on Favre's grundle. Needless to say, I'm not a traditional media member. No, I'll go out of my way to reward a kicker who made seven chip shot field goals, while his asshat QB couldn't lead one G-D scoring drive out of seven red zone trips. Enjoy the spotlight, Shayne. I hope it's your last time up here.
Shelby doesn't really exist, and therefore, couldn't take time out of his busy (read: greasing up his ding-dong to Alanis Morissette music videos from 1995) schedule to come up and see his buds.

Alright, there you have it! Week 10 in the books. Congratulations to all the winners, and especially Brian Westbrook and Tony Romo, who join Randy Moss as the only Three-Time-Award-Winners in Chumley history!!