THE FINAL CHUMLEY CEREMONY

With his league leading 5th Chumley award, Tony and Jessica are now officially the Power Couple of A Little Slap And Pickle!!

The Heisman may get more airtime on ESPN, but there's another very special award to hand out tonight. For the past few weeks, Randy Moss vs. Tony Romo has been the ALSAP!! equivalent of Tim Tebow vs. Darren McFadden. The Chumleys will wrap up today, and after 13 weeks, I'm pleased to announce we have ourselves a grand champion. He wasn't the only one deserving of the Week 13 hardware, so let's see who else earned themselves a statue.

Game 1: The Ding Dong Danglers def. Pocket T-Bags - And the Chumley goes to...
Panthers, D/ST, Car - 4 picks, 2 fumble recoveries, 6 sacks, and a touchdown all added up to a 28 point day out of the Kitty Cats.

Game 2: MPJ's def. Nutz - And the Chumley goes to...
Hines Ward, WR, Pit - Hines caught 11 balls for 90 yards and 2 touchdowns. The yardage is surprising after that many catches, but the wily-Half-Asian was good for 23.2 points. Not surprisingly, this game happened against the Bengals D. If anybody has a few spare hours, go through the archives and figure out how many Chumley awards were won against Cincinnati's defense. It seems like it's at least 20 percent.

Game 3: Chicago def. Bisbee - And the Chumley goes to...
LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, SD - The #1 overall pick collects his second Chumley of the season. LT had a monster day running for 177 yards and 2 scores. Sidenote: Did anybody notice that the two teams squaring off for the #1 playoff seed last week drafted 11th and 12th? That's proof right there that you can have a great season no matter where you are in the draft order. Pretty amazing GM job by both Shawn and Rich.

Game 4: N. Korea def. Hawaii - And the Chumley goes to...
Peyton Manning, QB, Ind - Peyt put together his best game of the season just in time for the playoffs. Manning has thrown 7 touchdowns in his past two games and is doing just fine even though Marvin Harrison is still dinged up.

Game 5: Death Knell def. Sen. Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Terrell Owens, WR, Dal - Owens has gone for 100+ yards in 5 of his past 6 games, and he's caught a TD in the last seven straight. Dallas is clearly playing the best football in the NFC right now, and if the Super Bowl matchup is Dallas-New England, I'm not having the Super Bowl party this year. I'm just not ready to decide which team I despise less.

Game 6: Canada def. Jabroc, TN - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - Tony puts a nice ribbon on the Chumley race with his Week 13 gem. Against the Packers, Tony had 309 yards, 4 TDs, and 37.1 fantasy points. Rich is now in the driver's seat for the playoffs, and most importantly, the Chumley went to the best player on the best team, which is how it was supposed to go. What's most amazing about Romo's season is the gap in the numbers between him and the rest of the QBs in the NFL (other than Tom Brady). Romo has 355.3 points this year, the next closest horse in the race is Derek Anderson with 287.9, and then there's another six guys all in the same range. But Romo's numbers blow them all away.

A heartfelt congratulations to Tony Romo, who will now be known as Mr. Chumley, and his lovely bride Jessica Simpson. For his season-long accomplishment, Mr. Chumley will win a fantabulous prize package. Let's see what the happy couple has won.
-A year of free Appletinis at Chumley's Bar
-A lifetime supply of ProActiv solution
-An official A Little Slap And Pickle!! hand towel
-An "Employee of the Month" DVD (Widescreen)
-A shiatsu massage from Peter King (complete with Happy Ending)

Week 4 Chumley Axshun

Jordaroo knocked off Adam, and finds himself at 3-1.

Scoring was down somewhat in Week 4. As a result, this may be our weakest Chumley induction class to date. Half of these guys didn't do anything special, they just happened to suck less than the rest of the winning team's players. Ah, that's parity for ya.
Sidenote: I'm already preparing Matt Schaub's Week 5 acceptance speech for when I beat the living snot out of J-Ying this weekend.

Game 1: Jon Hefty def. Paul Davis - And the Chumley goes to...
LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, SD - This is LT's first Chumley of the season and I'm somehow 3-1. That's pretty amazing. LaDainian finally broke out of his shell with 154 yards and score. However, I'm scared by this Chargers team. Playing second-half catch-up to the Chiefs? Really? They couldn't have built a first half lead and ran the ball 80 times in the second half? I'm really confused by this. This same exact roster went 14-2 last year. Is Norv Turner really that awful of a coach?

Game 2: Rich Ely def. Craig Fritz - And the Chumley goes to...
Tony Romo, QB, Dal - Romo hooked up with Patrick Crayton on 2 of his 3 passing touchdowns, and ran another one in. It pains me to write this, but the Cowboys are head and shoulders the best team in the NFC at this point. Another 40+ fantasy point week for Romo, who is currently the number 1 overall player in our league.

Game 3: Jordan Yingling def. Adam Davis - And the Chumley goes to...
Peyton Manning, QB, Ind - Part of this award is for the 3 touchdowns Peyton tossed on Sunday. The other part is for the delicious irony of Jordan using Peyton Manning, Adam's first round pick, to beat Adam. Sidenote: Cedric Benson stinks. On the bright side, his knee cap is still attached to his shin bone, so that's a plus.

Game 4: Shelby Fidler def. Matt Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
Dallas Clark, TE, Ind - I'm starting to think that weird Sprint commercial for "Manning's Mind" is closer to reality than we may have thought. The little boy who whispers 'Clark', seems to be talking to Peyton on every single play, as Dallas keeps picking up yards and touchdowns. This week, he racked up 76 yards and 2 touchdowns. Although, I should point out that Marvin Harrison was triple covered by dolphins most of the game.

Game 5: Mike Walbert def. Shawn Hussein - And the Chumley goes to...
Jerry Porter, WR, Oak - Remember the face Faith Hill made when Carrie Underwood won the "Best Female Artist" award at the CMA's a while back?
Oh, really? You don't? What do you mean you don't watch Country Music Award shows?
Well, anyway, that's the face I'm making right now. I am the judge and jury when it comes to the Chumleys and even I couldn't rig this damn thing so Porter couldn't win a Chumley mere days after I shipped him off to Mike. I remember thinking two things when that trade passed...
1. Goodbye, Rex Grossman!!
2. Goodbye, Jerry Porter!!
Well, there's a lesson out there for you kids. And I think it's that Jerry Porter is a pedophile.

Game 6: Aaron Repucci def. Dave Wanner - And the Chumley goes to...
Matt Hasselbeck, QB, Sea - By default. A-Rep's team played some seriously ugly ball this weekend, but Elizabeth's brother in law at least managed to break 20 points. Now, kindly leave before you sully the good name of Chumley.

That's all for Week 4. All our winners are first time recipients, so the players to watch are still Brian Westbrook and Randy Moss.