The Editor Breaks His Silence

Do these guys hate each other enough to make even Jabar Gaffney relevant?

OK, first of all, I apologize to Walbsy for stepping on his post, which is splendid, even though he predicts both games incorrectly. Can't fault him for a good effort though. However, I'm certain that both Shawn and I will be advancing one more round and meeting in an epic battle for the Champeenship next week. The reason I make such a brash claim is because both myself and Nose-stradamus are both starting Patriots wide recievers this week. In fact, I'm starting two!

At the risk (and I hate how many times I end up taking this risk...) of sounding like Bill Simmons, do you even know how lopsided this game is going to be? The Jets blew the whistle on the Pats in Week 1 on the camera issue. Somehow, this has turned into a four-month long story, and this stupid issue still stirs up hatred within Bill Belichick. I don't really understand why, but I don't really have to. All I have to know is that Tom Brady is about to SHATTER some passing records on Sunday. And if I can get Welker and Jabar Gaffney in my lineup, well, I'm getting in on the hottest meal ticket of the season. Patriots vs. Jets part II. Legitimate sports journalists are wondering if this might be the most lopsided victory in NFL history. So with that in mind, I encourage the rest of you to sign any and every single player in a Patriots uniform who might get a ball thrown at them.
Yes that includes Troy Brown.
Yes that includes Chad Jackson.
Yes that includes Mike Vrabel.
Yes that includes goal-line fullback Junior Seau.
Yes that includes punter Chris Hanson, who I believe holds on field goals and could catch a touchdown on a fake. (And he might even catch a predator!!...BAZING!!!)

So while I understand that you're just pulling your weight for the good of the blog, Miguel, I think you're far, far, off the mark on this one.

Week 6 Round-Up: Bajingos and Sasquatches

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?!?! IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?!?!

Excuse me if I giggle like a roofied-up cheerleader through most of this post, because as we all know, pride most certainly comes before a fall. However, I can't help but think that the lemon squares with the cryptic note: "It's Deewaan Week. At My Signal, Unleash Hell" that I sent to all my players didn't have a profound effect on the Week 6 NFL landscape.
Several other fantasy teams played well despite the 6 NFL teams on bye this week, along with the never-ending carnage of injuries that has left the quality quarterback pool more decimated than the Barbarian Horde.
Indeed, it was a landmark day for this blogger's favorite whipping boy, Adam Davis, who rode the Ravens D, Tom Brady, and a few other warm bodies to his first victory of the year. Congratulations, Adam.
It was also a good day to be 4-1, as Aaron, Paul and Shawn will all improve to 5-1 after the dust settles on Week 6 tonight. Jordan was not as fortunate, falling to Rich's late-blooming team of juggernaut killbots.

But enough with intros, let's break down some game tape, Jaworski-style, and see who rose up, and played like Maximus, and who cowered in the shadows, and played like Commodus.

BAJINGOS

1. Sammy Morris, Marion Barber III, Julius Jones - Super Bowl XLI-I/II, as it was dubbed by Profootballtalk.com, was the barnburner everybody expected it to be. However, it was dominated by the passing game, with little being done on the ground. Sammy Morris ran 10 times for just 14 yards, and Julius Jones (51 yards) and Marion Barber (47 yards) just didn't have enough opportunities to make a difference in this game, despite their combined 7 yards per carry.
2. Marques Colston - Yes, he had a touchdown, but it was a 2 yard catch, which also happened to be his only one of the day. At a time when Drew Brees finally started clicking (25/36, 246 yds, 2 TDs), it's somewhat surprising to see him and Colston only hook up on one play.
3. Brett Favre - Although he's mostly on this list because I just dislike him, Favre also had a pretty lousy game against the Redskins, tossing for 188 yards and 2 interceptions. Mr. Favre also gets a Lifetime Achievement Bajingo today, for breaking the career interceptions record, despite every member of the media telling us that he's the best quarterback ever to play the game ever ever. However, he does advertise Wrangler jeans, which i find to be both comfortable, and a great bargain.
4. The Ball Maulers - The Boys of Bisbee are on the ropes after another loss to a previously winless franchise. Starting guys like Justin "Fargalicious" Fargas, Aaron Stecker, Jerry Porter doesn't help the cause, Santana Moss's -1.9 point day makes things even worse. Those four combined for a whopping 6.3 points yesterday.
5. Chester Taylor - Taylor had a good day. He rushed for 83 yards on 22 carries. He put up 10.2 fantasy points, even though Adam didn't start him. So his inclusion on this list may be surprising. But here's the thing...he carried 22 times!!! Step aside Chester, and let Purple Jesus fulfill his destiny by carrying the ball 42 times a game.

SASQUATCHES

1. LaDanian Tomlinson - Last week I bemoaned the Chargers scoring 41 points, and have none of them punched in by LT. This week, all 4 San Diego TDs were registered by the reigning MVP. Good to have you back. Having him playing at top speed again is like finding 100 bucks in an old pair of jeans. You had it all along, you just never knew it.
2. Braylon Edwards and Derek Anderson - I'll be the first to admit I was unsure about Braylon Edwards after drafting him this year. He seems like a lazy player, and I was less than thrilled with the Charlie Frye/Derek Anderson/Brady Quinn maelstrom at quarterback. However, Anderson and Edwards make such the fab team!!! Edwards now has 7 touchdowns on the year, putting him one behind Randy Moss for the NFL lead. Anderson also appears to have a firm grip on the starting QB job, letting Brady Quinn learn from the sidelines, which is what Cleveland really wanted for this year anyway.
3. Chris Cooley - Everytime I checked Fantasycast during the early games, Chris Cooley was there, flashing yellow, adding more points to his score. Cooley had 9 catches for 105 and a TD, and is definitely the most dynamic receiving threat that the Redskins have this year.
4. Tony Gonzalez - Not to be outdone, Gonzo put up 9 catches, 102 yards, and 2 touchdowns, breaking the all time record for most touchdowns by a tight end in NFL history. I didn't hear who the previous record holder was, but I'm guessing it's either Mike Bartrum or Shannon Sharpe, who is the reason this blogger once wore number 84 during his playing days as a multi-talented (read: blocking specialist) tight end.
5. Brady's Bunch!! TeeHee!! I came up with that all by myself!!!! - Tom Brady and his receivers put on a serious show yesterday, with Wes Welker emerging as the top beneficiary. All told, the trio of Moss, Welker, and Stallworth accounted for 5 touchdowns on 319 receiving yards. Just an unbelievable passing attack. There is no team in the NFL that has the cornerbacks to stop these guys. In all honesty, you really need 4 lockdown cornerbacks...2 for Moss, 1 for Welker, 1 for Stallworth. The only time they might face a team with 4 good corners is in the Pro Bowl, against the NFC all-stars. Unreal.

Bonus Sasquatch: Maurice Jones-Drew, who despite playing for a team who may or may not actually exist, does indeed have quite the strong pimp hand.

Well there you have it. I sucessfully managed to run down the Week 6 action without releasing my DNA all over the keyboard. And for that, I'm the biggest Sasquatch of them all.

Grade The Trade: 9/23/07

Adam Davis and Jordan Yingling announce a 6 player deal. The trade will send Peyton Manning and Patrick Crayton to Jordan, who will send Jay Cutler, Cedric Benson, Chris Brown, and Hines Ward to Adam.
.

.
From Jordan's Perspective - The long and short of it: Jordan unloads Jay Cutler and picks up a bona fide stud quarterback in Manning. The price he paid to get him was three starters (Benson, Cutler, Ward) and a throw-in running back (Brown), but Jordan has cemented his quarterback position for the remainder of the season. Making this trade makes Jordan a much more complete team. He already had Shaun Alexander and Marion Barber at running back, so giving up Benson and Brown doesn't sting too badly. He's already got Reggie Wayne and Calvin Johnson (who may be banged up after Sunday's game), so losing Ward isn't all that detrimental. Getting Crayton back may prove to be a good move so he can play the matchups at WR3. All in all, when you get a guy like Peyton back, you probably made a really good deal.
. .
From Adam's Perspective - The guys Adam got back here will be compared to Cadillac and LaMont for the rest of the season. It's inevitable. We said one deal was unfair and the other was fair. Hopefully we did a good job of deciding between the two. Having said that, Cedric Benson is a good, not great fantasy back. He's stuck on a team where the quarterback is completely ineffective, so opposing defenses can key the run. On the flipside, though, his defense is arguably the league's best (last night notwithstanding), so in theory, he should have many chances to run the ball throughout the course of a game. He's certainly head and shoulders better than whoever Adam was using in the past, so this is a major upgrade.
Chris Brown is a stiff in my opinion. He may have led the league in rushing yards after Week 1, but he managed only 34 yards the next week. The problem with Brown may be similar to Benson's: opposing defenses aren't scared of getting beat by the passing game. Vince Young, while he's definitely a playmaker, doesn't command the full attention of an NFL secondary, and that can draw extra guys in against the rush. Besides, Brown is in a platoon with LenDale White, who was the more effective back in Week 2.
Hines Ward is certainly a threat at wide receiver, although a knee injury may cause him to miss some time. Pittsburgh seems to be more comfortable with their passing game this year, and if healthy, Ward is a definite starter on Adam's team.
The biggest improvement however, may be the addition by subtraction of Peyton Manning. Adam can also plug in Tom Brady every week and not worry that he's making the wrong decision. Whereas playing the matchups between the two could have left a lot of points on the bench every week, Brady over Cutler is a much easier decision to make than Brady over Manning.

The Winner: Slight edge goes to Jordan Yingling.

Postscript: Last week's Davis trade fiasco could have probably been avoided. I blame Bill Belichick. All you heard in the world of sports was about gaining unfair competetive advantages and I let these stories sculpt my opinion of what I believed was a seedy deal between seedy brothers. I understand that Adam's options were somewhat limited. I know the last thing he wanted to do was sit Brady or Manning on the bench for another week and start Musa and Chester. I still stick by my guns in vetoing that trade and allowing this one, but I apologize if anybody feels like I ruined their season. So, if you're still raw about it next time I see you, free beer on Hefty.

Round-Up: Week 3 Bajingos and Sasquatches

The pretty new jerseys make us forget that Donovan is a lousy black quarterback for a week.

.
It's MONDAY!! That means hard hitting double blog postage from the Tag Team Champions of the Interweb, Mikey and Jonny. I'm admittedly in higher spirits today after an Eagles 2004-esque thrashing of the Motor City Kitties. However, not everyone in the NFL played as well as the Birds. Let's find them, point at them, and then laugh!

.
BAJINGOS

.
1. Steve Smith - Don't taze me, bro!!! Don't taze me!!! I was halfway done making a shrine to you in my computer room and you pull this crap?! I called you Keanu Reeves last week!! You know how badass that is? Instead, you hauled in 1 ball for 10 yards. You were Keanu Reeves, alright. Keanu Reeves in "The Lakehouse". What a douchetastic douche.
2. Marc Bulger - Negative 0.3 points? Really? Don't worry, Shelby, your backup only put up...let's see here...oh. 38 Points. Whoops.
3. Starting the Wrong White Guys - I just noticed this yesterday, but Shelby can trot out the unprecedented Three White Receiver offense at any time this year. He started two of the caucasians yesterday, Brandon Stokely and Joe Jurevicius. The one he kept on the bench? Kevin Curtis. Yikes. Strike two, Fidler.
4. Pardon Me Sir, Your Lee Evans Is Broken - Lee Evans is a serious candidate for Bust of the Year. Through three games, the breakout season of Lee Evans looks as follows: 5 catches for 29 yards. He also had an ugly temper tantrum on the field in last week's game against the Steelers that led to back to back penalties. Couple all this with news that JP Losman could be out indefinitely with a knee sprain, and there's really no redeeming qualities to Evans right now.
5. Rudi Johnson - Sure the 9 yards on 17 carries is atrocious, but the real story here is that with a little more effort out of Rudi, Melvin could have hit the 200 point mark. All of Melvin's other players (with the exception of Akers) scored in double digits.

.
SASQUATCHES

.
1. Anquan Boldin - Q put up a monster stat line, with most of the damage coming once Matt Leinart was benched in favor of Kurt Warner. 14 catches, 181 yards, 2 TDs. Dayum. Unfortunately, Leinart is expected to get the nod next week.
2. Ronnie Brown - The man I love to hate was a Sasquatch this week, plain and simple. 112 rushing yards, 99 receiving yards, 2 rushing touchdowns, 1 receiving touchdown. That's unbelievable production, and should finally put to bed any talk of the timeshare with Jesse Chatman down in Miami.
3. Philip Rivers - Slimmy's "weak link" (my words in last week's column) sure didn't play like one. Against a Green Bay defense that had befuddled Donovan McNabb and Eli Manning in the first two weeks of the season, Rivers had a 306 yard, 3 touchdown day. The guy we told him he couldn't have, Peyton Manning, put up a mere 18 fantasy points. Karma pisses in our Cheerios once again.
4. That Guy Who's Banging That Model - Tom Brady had another unbelievable fantasy performance, posting 311 yards and 4 touchdowns (2 to Randy Moss). And for a change, he was actually in Adam's starting lineup. This change may well have earned Adam his first win of the season, but more on that later.
5. Five - Donovan McNabb silenced his critics (for a few days anyway), with a 381 yard, 4 touchdown performance. He was helped out by the receiving heroics of Kevin Curtis (3 touchdowns) and Brian Westbrook (1 receiving, 2 rushing), who pulled a move that warranted several DVR rewinds. But for once this season, it finally looked like McNabb is capable of playing at a high level when the pressure is on. Good to have you back, Donovan.

Mock Lobster: Craig Fritz (Pick #9)

It's the greatest job in all of sports; lining up directly behind Tom Brady's firm, tight, glutes; listening intently for his approval to come charging towards him; and bursting towards the hole as your eyes finally meet. If it were me, I'd weep after every single play.
.

Mock Draft Pick #9: Craig Fritz selects Laurence Maroney, RB, NE

.

2006 Rushing Stats: 175 carries, 745 yards, 6 touchdowns

2006 Receiving Stats: 22 catches, 194 yards, 1 touchdown

.

Laurence Maroney had a solid rookie year, learning the ropes from Corey Dillon, who has since retired. New England's offense has undergone a major overhaul this offseason, welcoming in the likes of Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, and Wes Welker. The Patriots look phenomenal on paper this season, which could mean a lot of early leads and second half carries for Maroney. Laurence is currently nursing injuries but is on track for a return by opening day. As an added bonus, Maroney has also gained an incredible amount of popularity on the internet for his coining of the phrase "construda", which can best be documented on Kissing Suzy Kolber. I would expect Laurence to greatly improve on his yardage totals now that he's a one man show in the backfield, but the amount of weapons Tom Brady has to work with could ultimately limit his touchdowns.

.

Fun fact: Laurence Maroney's areola hair is also dreadlocked, making him a perfect fit on Craig's roster.