Week 12 Chumleys: The Slim-leys!!!

So afraid to attempt a witty caption...

It's crunchtime for the Chumley race. Romo and Moss are your clubhouse leaders at 4 a piece, with only two more weeks of awards. Let's take a peek around the Westside FFL landscape and see who's peaking at the right time.

Game 1: Bisbee def. Death Knell - And the Chumley goes to...
Antonio Gates, TE, SD - I chose Gates over Kolby Smith because Gates straight up killed the Ravens, and Kolby Smith is a flash in the pan. As an LT owner, I become extremely aroused whenever I see the score change in Chargers games. However, all I got this week was a couple lousy Phillip Rivers TD passes, two of which went to Gates. Antonio, who was already the best TE in fantasy, had his best game of the season with 6 catches, 105 yards and 2 TDs.

Game 2: Chicago def. Larry Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Wes Welker, WR, NE - Welker gets the nod here for erasing an eight point deficit in my matchup against Melvin heading into the Sunday Night Football game. In essence, Welker has become New England's best running back, getting multiple grabs on short passes out of multiple receiver sets, while Laurence Maroney stews on the sidelines wondering why he's even wearing a cup.

Game 3: Jabroc def. Lymez - And the Chumley goes to...
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Ari - Larry hauled in 9 passes for 156 yards and 2 touchdowns against the 49ers on Sunday. Fitzgerald might be the most reliable receiver of the season to this point. He's posted double digit points in 7 of his last 8 games. Up next for Larry is the Cleveland Browns, and Rich will need the points as he goes up against Shawn for the #1 seed in the playoffs.

Game 4: MikeJax def. Cripplers - And the Chumley goes to...
Vikings, D/ST, Min - I already talked about the Vikings yesterday, so here's a good spot for a mini-rant. Do you know how frustrating it is watching Devin Hester run back kick after kick and not get any points for it?! Riddle me this, assclown, how is a blocked punt a scorable play, and not a punt return touchdown? The same 11 players are on the field for both events, so don't give me this "defense vs. special teams" balogna. The players don't become a special team once the punt is in the air. They're special teams from the second they line up on the field. And in other news, only one of those two events actually changes the score of the real game! Which one?! THE TOUCHDOWN!!! This is unequivocably the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. If Devin Hester only knew...

Game 5: Delaware def. Hawaii - And the Chumley goes to...
Drew Brees, QB, NO - True story...one time in college, me and Deewaan drank like 40 brees and we couldn't feel our faces.

Game 6: N. Korea def. The Patent Office - And the Chumley goes to...
Kellen Winslow II, TE, Cle - OK, I admit it, I've got a soft spot for tight ends. (That's what she said!!!) But it's hard not to reward a tight end with the most illustrious prize in fantasy football when he catches 10 passes for 107 yards and a TD. Several of Jordan's players scored slightly higher than Winslow, but K2 gets the nod. As a sidenote, anybody tired of hearing him referred to as "Kellen Winslow Jr"? Uh, yeah, we get that it's not actually his dad playing. Thanks for clearing that up, Gus Johnson.

As a final note, after listening to Verne Lundquist during the LSU-Arky game and then Gus Johnson during Texans-Browns, I am ready for some college basketball! Good thing the Eagles won't make the playoffs, that will give me more time to watch hoops. Especially my boy OJ Mayo, averaging 22 ppg, and Walbsy's boy, Eric Gordon, averaging 27.3.

Without Further Ado, Your Week 5 Chumleys

Bartender, please cut that statue off, it's clearly had too much to drink...

So another week in the rear-view mirror now, and we've got our second straight set of low-scoring affairs. Everybody's now gotten to take their first sip of victory this season, except for You Know Who, and this is when things start getting interesting. The injury list is long and contains many significant names. The key to the rest of the season is making smart lineup decisions and playing the all-important waiver wire like a well-tuned fiddle. Let's see which players were the keys to victory for their teams this weekend.

Game 1: N. Korea def. Chicago - And the Chumley goes to...
Patrick G-D Crayton, WR, Dal. Let's see if you're picking up on a theme here: blog provokes wide receiver generally thought to be crappy, previously-thought-crappy receiver then turns in big time numbers, leads team to victory, receiver wins Chumley, blogger hangs head in excessive amounts of shame. Last week was Jerry Porter's moment in the sun, this week, Patrick Crayton was the one getting his comeuppance. I'd type more about Crayfish, but it's awkward typing around my leg when my foot's in my mouth.

Game 2: Diseased Nuts def. Areolas - And the Chumley goes to...
Steelers D. Last week in the power rankings I made a comment about Nick Folk and the Pittsburgh D. I think my tone was misinterpreted. I was actually commenting that these were two of A-Rep's most important pieces, and questioning the rest of the team. It probably didn't come out as such. Anyway, Blitzburgh stopped the Seahawks dead in their tracks this week, and allowed Aaron to do the same to Craig. This is the Steel Curtain's second Chumley.

Game 3: Canada def. T-Bags - And the Chumley goes to...
Chargers D. Monster game for the Merrimans this weekend. They were able to hold Denver to 3 points in Mile High, and anybody who did the city of Denver emotional damage this weekend is a winner in my book. The Bolts piled on 22 points, which were needed to keep pace with Shelby, whose Patriots D scored 21 points of their own.

Game 4: Jabroc def. Larry Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Ari. What happens when Anquan Boldin isn't around, and Kurt Warner regains his early 2000's form? Well, for Fitzgerald this weekend, it meant 9 catches for 136 and a TD. Leinart went on the IR earlier this week, and it will now be all Warner all the time for Arizona. This can only be good for the stock of Fitzgerald, and eventually Boldin when he returns.
While we're sort of on the topic here, can somebody explain the Leinart-Warner platoon scenario to me? You've got one quarterback who you play when you've got the lead because they run better out of a ball control offense (read: handing off to Edgerrin James and wasting time in the huddle), and one quarterback who you play when you're losing and you need a spark (read: not huddling up, and getting the ball to two of the best WRs in football). So...why not jut play the guy who can leads the comebacks all the time? Theoretically, if he's so good at moving the offense, you wouldn't be playing from behind, would you? I don't know.
Second sidenote: Good to see our boy Rod Hood scoring a touchdown this weekend. I'm sure that made Shelby's day.

Game 5: Hawaii def. Holidaysburg - And the Chumley goes to...
Empty, WR - Let's face it. You don't really deserve a Chumley here since Craig set your lineup. And the fact that you won with 8 active players over Adam's 9 is pretty funny. So let's reward the empty wide receiver spot, who contributed nothing, yet provided us sheer comedy value.

Game 6: Delaware def. Bisbee - And the Chumley goes to...
Plaxico Burress, WR, NYG - Plaxico's been the best WR not named Randy Moss this season, and he continued his asskicking season with 124 yards and TD this weekend in the Battle of New York. If Burress is playing this well with a sprained ankle, the sky is pretty much the limit for him when completely healthy. Then again, before the advent of Aspirin, marijuana was the most widely prescribed medication for pain relief. So...maybe Plax doesn't feel anything anyway.

Congratulations to the two defenses, the three receivers, and of course, Empty.