Week 12 Chumleys: The Slim-leys!!!

So afraid to attempt a witty caption...

It's crunchtime for the Chumley race. Romo and Moss are your clubhouse leaders at 4 a piece, with only two more weeks of awards. Let's take a peek around the Westside FFL landscape and see who's peaking at the right time.

Game 1: Bisbee def. Death Knell - And the Chumley goes to...
Antonio Gates, TE, SD - I chose Gates over Kolby Smith because Gates straight up killed the Ravens, and Kolby Smith is a flash in the pan. As an LT owner, I become extremely aroused whenever I see the score change in Chargers games. However, all I got this week was a couple lousy Phillip Rivers TD passes, two of which went to Gates. Antonio, who was already the best TE in fantasy, had his best game of the season with 6 catches, 105 yards and 2 TDs.

Game 2: Chicago def. Larry Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Wes Welker, WR, NE - Welker gets the nod here for erasing an eight point deficit in my matchup against Melvin heading into the Sunday Night Football game. In essence, Welker has become New England's best running back, getting multiple grabs on short passes out of multiple receiver sets, while Laurence Maroney stews on the sidelines wondering why he's even wearing a cup.

Game 3: Jabroc def. Lymez - And the Chumley goes to...
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Ari - Larry hauled in 9 passes for 156 yards and 2 touchdowns against the 49ers on Sunday. Fitzgerald might be the most reliable receiver of the season to this point. He's posted double digit points in 7 of his last 8 games. Up next for Larry is the Cleveland Browns, and Rich will need the points as he goes up against Shawn for the #1 seed in the playoffs.

Game 4: MikeJax def. Cripplers - And the Chumley goes to...
Vikings, D/ST, Min - I already talked about the Vikings yesterday, so here's a good spot for a mini-rant. Do you know how frustrating it is watching Devin Hester run back kick after kick and not get any points for it?! Riddle me this, assclown, how is a blocked punt a scorable play, and not a punt return touchdown? The same 11 players are on the field for both events, so don't give me this "defense vs. special teams" balogna. The players don't become a special team once the punt is in the air. They're special teams from the second they line up on the field. And in other news, only one of those two events actually changes the score of the real game! Which one?! THE TOUCHDOWN!!! This is unequivocably the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. If Devin Hester only knew...

Game 5: Delaware def. Hawaii - And the Chumley goes to...
Drew Brees, QB, NO - True story...one time in college, me and Deewaan drank like 40 brees and we couldn't feel our faces.

Game 6: N. Korea def. The Patent Office - And the Chumley goes to...
Kellen Winslow II, TE, Cle - OK, I admit it, I've got a soft spot for tight ends. (That's what she said!!!) But it's hard not to reward a tight end with the most illustrious prize in fantasy football when he catches 10 passes for 107 yards and a TD. Several of Jordan's players scored slightly higher than Winslow, but K2 gets the nod. As a sidenote, anybody tired of hearing him referred to as "Kellen Winslow Jr"? Uh, yeah, we get that it's not actually his dad playing. Thanks for clearing that up, Gus Johnson.

As a final note, after listening to Verne Lundquist during the LSU-Arky game and then Gus Johnson during Texans-Browns, I am ready for some college basketball! Good thing the Eagles won't make the playoffs, that will give me more time to watch hoops. Especially my boy OJ Mayo, averaging 22 ppg, and Walbsy's boy, Eric Gordon, averaging 27.3.

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The Sixers could suck hard enough to grab a Top 3 pick in this year's draft.

The NBA tips off in just 4 days, and if you're like me, you probably enjoy the first week or two of hoops season, then you go back to football, you pick up your ears again around the All-Star Game, and then you give it moderate attention until the playoffs start.

I enjoy the NBA but I never get particularly excited or upset about it. I mainly just like watching 7 foot African American men interacting with Eastern Europeans who probably smell like sweat-soaked borscht. It's fun. Well, there are two times in the year when the NBA has my full time attention. The first is the trade deadline. The second is the draft. For some reason, both of these events suck me in like a tractor beam every year. I also like to critique various teams' moves and lack of moves, as if I have any expertise whatsoever on the teams. I normally wouldn't be able to tell you a thing about Boris Diaw, but if his name is heavily involved in trade rumors, I'm all over it.

And the draft is even better. I'll make it my job to become an expert on every first round prospect, and then make important sounding comments about them as the draft unfolds. The night usually ends with me making a phone call to my dad and complaining about something I think the Sixers did wrong. Basically it's exactly what Bill Simmons does.

But this year's draft could be even more important. The Sixers might blow harder than any other team in the NBA, and be rewarded with a Top-3 pick for their buffoonery. There's a preview up on ESPN.com in which almost everybody picks them to finish last in the Eastern Conference, which is akin to calling somebody the biggest fag in Rehoboth.

And while there's still a looooong way to go until something like this pops up again on my radar, for today, I'm already thinking about the 2008 Sixers trotting out the #1 pick, OJ Mayo.