Week 8 Chumleys

The surging Ball Maulers were the only Autobots team to notch a win last week.

Where does the time go? It feels like I haven't posted in weeks. There's so much ground to cover today, and I know I'll miss some things. Let's see...
-Robert Goulet died, and while my future employers went with "The Coconut Bangers Ball", I'll choose "Red Ships of Spain" any day and twice on Sunday.
-Sasquatch is alive, but it might be a bear instead.

Ok, I think I covered all the important stuff. On to those Chumley awards you've anxiously been awaiting.

Game 1: Hefty def. Aaron - And the Chumley goes to...
Braylon Edwards, WR, Cle - I was listening to a Fantasy Football Podcast at work today and they were talking about if they could redraft midseason, how would it go? Brady was taken first, Tomlinson taken second, Addai taken third, Randy Moss taken 4th. Here's my point, dude...Braylon Edwards was the next receiver they took! Braylon's definitely winning me over at this point in the season, but the second best wide receiver?? Absurdity, right? Well maybe not. 37 catches, 669 yards, 9 TD's, all while playing for the pigskin wasteland known as the Cleveland Browns. Pretty amazing season for Braylon so far.

Game 2: Shawn def. Melvin - And the Chumley goes to...
Chargers, D/ST, SD - 29 fantasy points out of a defense is re-donkey-kong. If you need help visualizing how a defense could score this many points, here's your frame of reference: 29 fantasy points is the same number the Giants defense scored against the Eagles in the 'Winston Justice' game.

Game 3: Mike def. Jordan - And the Chumley goes to...
Antonio Gates, TE, SD - Derek Anderson could have gotten the nod here after his 248 yard, 3 TD day, but I went with Gates and his 3 catch, 92 yard, 2 TD day instead. Like much of Southern California, Gates was on fire on Sunday.
Too soon, or just not that funny? You decide.

Game 4: Paul def. Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Philip Rivers QB, SD - When you throw 11 passes, and three of them are touchdowns, you've had yourself a pretty solid day. Rivers seems to be one of the most hot-and-cold QB's in the league. He's had 4 games with two or more touchdowns, and 3 games with no touchdowns. There's no middle ground here, but the important thing is that San Diego's offense seems to have found it's spark again after sputtering through the opening part of the schedule.

Game 5: Dave def. Adam - And the Chumley goes to...
Drew Brees, QB, NO - While I'd normally give this award to Jason Elam for his kicking heroics, it would be irresponsible of me to ignore Brees's monstrous 336 yard, 4 touchdown game against the Niners. Brees has climbed out of a major early season slump to become our league's 14th ranked QB. He's tossed eight touchdowns in the last three games, and the schedule looks pretty favorable for Brees the rest of the way.

Game 6: Shelby def. Rich - And the Chumley goes to...
Joseph Addai, RB, Ind - Addai led all RB's by a 9 point margin on Sunday, and is the fifth ranked back in the league. I personally think he'll have a strong performance against the Colts on Sunday, who hopefully can get a win so we can finally read a sports story about a city other than Boston for a week. Even the Philadelphia media is Boston-centric. It's T.O. Week, and the big sports story is that Curt Schilling could be coming back to the Phillies. I just need something different. I'm even getting excited by Kobe Bryant trade rumors, even though there's less than a 0% chance he'd end up in Philadelphia. Just anything to break up the Celtics-Sox-Pats (even a moderate amount of Boston College) monopoly on ESPN programming. Enough already. I just got my Sports Illustrated in the mail and I'm scared to open it. Papelbon's on the cover and Brady's brooding up in the upper left corner.
Sidenote: It's almost impossible to type Joe's last name without typing Adidas first and then backspacing and fixing it. And it's not like Adidas is even something I type that often.

Without Further Ado, Your Week 5 Chumleys

Bartender, please cut that statue off, it's clearly had too much to drink...

So another week in the rear-view mirror now, and we've got our second straight set of low-scoring affairs. Everybody's now gotten to take their first sip of victory this season, except for You Know Who, and this is when things start getting interesting. The injury list is long and contains many significant names. The key to the rest of the season is making smart lineup decisions and playing the all-important waiver wire like a well-tuned fiddle. Let's see which players were the keys to victory for their teams this weekend.

Game 1: N. Korea def. Chicago - And the Chumley goes to...
Patrick G-D Crayton, WR, Dal. Let's see if you're picking up on a theme here: blog provokes wide receiver generally thought to be crappy, previously-thought-crappy receiver then turns in big time numbers, leads team to victory, receiver wins Chumley, blogger hangs head in excessive amounts of shame. Last week was Jerry Porter's moment in the sun, this week, Patrick Crayton was the one getting his comeuppance. I'd type more about Crayfish, but it's awkward typing around my leg when my foot's in my mouth.

Game 2: Diseased Nuts def. Areolas - And the Chumley goes to...
Steelers D. Last week in the power rankings I made a comment about Nick Folk and the Pittsburgh D. I think my tone was misinterpreted. I was actually commenting that these were two of A-Rep's most important pieces, and questioning the rest of the team. It probably didn't come out as such. Anyway, Blitzburgh stopped the Seahawks dead in their tracks this week, and allowed Aaron to do the same to Craig. This is the Steel Curtain's second Chumley.

Game 3: Canada def. T-Bags - And the Chumley goes to...
Chargers D. Monster game for the Merrimans this weekend. They were able to hold Denver to 3 points in Mile High, and anybody who did the city of Denver emotional damage this weekend is a winner in my book. The Bolts piled on 22 points, which were needed to keep pace with Shelby, whose Patriots D scored 21 points of their own.

Game 4: Jabroc def. Larry Craig - And the Chumley goes to...
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Ari. What happens when Anquan Boldin isn't around, and Kurt Warner regains his early 2000's form? Well, for Fitzgerald this weekend, it meant 9 catches for 136 and a TD. Leinart went on the IR earlier this week, and it will now be all Warner all the time for Arizona. This can only be good for the stock of Fitzgerald, and eventually Boldin when he returns.
While we're sort of on the topic here, can somebody explain the Leinart-Warner platoon scenario to me? You've got one quarterback who you play when you've got the lead because they run better out of a ball control offense (read: handing off to Edgerrin James and wasting time in the huddle), and one quarterback who you play when you're losing and you need a spark (read: not huddling up, and getting the ball to two of the best WRs in football). So...why not jut play the guy who can leads the comebacks all the time? Theoretically, if he's so good at moving the offense, you wouldn't be playing from behind, would you? I don't know.
Second sidenote: Good to see our boy Rod Hood scoring a touchdown this weekend. I'm sure that made Shelby's day.

Game 5: Hawaii def. Holidaysburg - And the Chumley goes to...
Empty, WR - Let's face it. You don't really deserve a Chumley here since Craig set your lineup. And the fact that you won with 8 active players over Adam's 9 is pretty funny. So let's reward the empty wide receiver spot, who contributed nothing, yet provided us sheer comedy value.

Game 6: Delaware def. Bisbee - And the Chumley goes to...
Plaxico Burress, WR, NYG - Plaxico's been the best WR not named Randy Moss this season, and he continued his asskicking season with 124 yards and TD this weekend in the Battle of New York. If Burress is playing this well with a sprained ankle, the sky is pretty much the limit for him when completely healthy. Then again, before the advent of Aspirin, marijuana was the most widely prescribed medication for pain relief. So...maybe Plax doesn't feel anything anyway.

Congratulations to the two defenses, the three receivers, and of course, Empty.