Division Preview 3 of 4: The Dickbags

One week until the NFL season kicks off!!! Let's get the rest of the division previews taken care of.

Holding up that giant noggin? I'm just surprised his neck didn't give out earlier.

CRAIG: I'm worried about Peyton. Like I think he's definitely going to regret playing with a neck injury. Like I think he's going to make it much worse or play badly because of it. There were a bunch of times late in Favre's career where he tried to gut out injuries because he was a tough guy who had to play every game, but the fact that he was injured hurt his team worse than him sitting out and letting a healthy backup play. Peyton's going to have a rough season. Like outside of the top 15 quarterbacks. I'm calling it right now.

Now having said that, I'll admit that's awfully hunchy of me and not a good reason to say Craig misses the playoffs. In fact, there's enough pieces on the roster (including backup Ryan Fitzpatrick who can be good in streaks) that a playoff run is still likely. I don't love Craig's starting running backs but I'm guessing most people would take them over my two guys. It's a deep crew here, and guys like Lynch and Pierre Thomas can always spot start for a few weeks. One spot where Craig shouldn't have to do much lineup tweaking is at WR, where he spent two top picks on Andre Johnson and Larry Fitz. That's an incredible 1-2 punch, especially in our scoring format. I'm not ready to declare Craig the division favorite here, so let's move on.

Jeremy Maclin, seen here in full pads after his drastic offseason weight loss.

MELVIN: I was watching Sports Center last night and somebody said Philip Rivers should be the #1 fantasy pick. Obviously that's stupid and that guy lost all credibility right then and there, but think about it: quarterbacks always score the most points. Would you be surprised one bit if Rivers was the top scoring QB? He could be the top scorer in the league. Intriguing. Chris Johnson was a great pick for Melvin a round later than he should have been, and although right now he's a holdout, these things almost always work out with the guy getting some sort of deal and playing. Vincent Jackson last year was the exception, not the rule. Ahmad Bradshaw is the fantasy football equivalent of a high-fiber diet; a solid, dependable number 2. Let's play word association with the WRs. Colston - Declining. Maclin - IV drip. Malcom Floyd - Unproven. Braylon Edwards - Frustrating. Jerome Simpson - Bengal. Earl Bennett - Waiver wire. Yeah, I don't like these guys. Next?

Wow, you're right Coach. Those are some incredibly big TD's!

DAVE: Maybe the worst thing to happen to Matt Schaub is the Texans' attempt to fix their defense this offseason. Schaub was awesome BECAUSE the defense in Houston was so bad. Every game seemed like a garbage-time shootout. Hopefully Schaub can still get the ball in his hands late in the game because that's a fantasy goldmine. MoJo is a pretty good consolation prize for picking last, but the RB2 situation is dire from where I sit. Shonn Greene, Joe Addai, Danny Woodhead are going to have to be a patchwork quilt to try to get production out of this spot. Love the WRs here, Megatron and the Good Mike Williams are touchdown magnets, and even though Welker is banged up, Dave made a lot of smart picks late who could all play WR3 (Julio Jones, Amendola, Nate Washington always has a good game or two) if Welker misses time. Good squad. Jimmy Graham is an intriguing pickup who SAW SOME BIG TD'S late in the season. Pretty solid team. If I were the GM, I'd look to swap out some WR depth for an upgrade at RB2.

YOUR 2011 DICKBAGS DIVISION CHAMPION: Let's look at some facts. Dave is habitually terrible at managing his team over the course of a season, and Craig always makes three or four smart moves along the way to add useful pieces and get himself a playoff spot. But if I had to pick one of these three rosters to go into the season with, I'm picking Dave's. This is a solid roster with less question marks (in my mind) than either of the other two teams, and I don't think it will need a lot of tinkering along the way. Dave wins the division title with Craig nipping at his heels.