Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Place Your Bets!!!

The Stratosphere - Las Vegas's Second Least Illustrious Resort!

As was detailed in today's e-mail session, there are still five teams fighting for a playoff spot. The only problem is, only two teams can claim them. You're probably still wondering who's got the upper hand in this thing, and luckily for you, my second cousin dates this chick whose brother works with a girl who's married to the head oddsmaker at the Stratosphere in Vegas. So needless to say, I got my hands on an advance copy of the odds this week. Let's see just how this race shakes out.

DEATH KNELL - (5-7, Current Points Leader, vs. Larry Craig Fritzes [1-11])
Odds Of Reaching Playoffs - 1:2
The Commish essentially needs to beat the worst team in the league to clinch a spot. Shouldn't be that difficult. Better yet, Kurt Warner plays the Browns, essentially assuring him of a 600 yard passing day. Pack your bags for the playoffs, Mr. Fritz. Amazing turnaround by a team that many (OK, just me) claimed were dead in the water just a few short weeks ago.

BISBEE BALL MAULERS - (5-7, 14.8 points back, vs. Chicago Bear Grylls [7-5])
Odds Of Reaching Playoffs - 3:1
The last time Bisbee and Chicago met up, Bear Grylls prevailed by an 82 point margin. Bisbee will be looking to even the season series, but it will be tough. CBG's superduperstar running back Adrian Peterson looks to return to action, and even better, he'll be doing it against the Detroit Lions. The matchups are generally favorable for the Maulers this week, but the star power here is not what it once was.

POCKET T-BAGS - (5-7, 43.1 points back, vs. Delaware Ding Dong Danglers [4-8])
Odds Of Reaching Playoffs - 3:2
Now things start getting interesting. If Bisbee loses, the path is clear for the T-Bags. Win, and they likely make it in as the #8 seed. If Bisbee wins, the T-Bags will need to put up 28.4 points more than the Maulers. Sounds simple, right? Actually, it might be. Shelby has two horses in the Dallas-Green Bay Thursday Night game, which this analyst projects to be a fireworks show. Expect plenty of scoring, and having the Brett Favre to Donald Driver combo might just be Shelby's meal ticket in this one.

HOLIDAYSBURGS MPJs - (5-7, 69.6 points back, vs. Lymez Dizeez Nutz [7-5])
Odds Of Reaching Playoffs - 5:1
Adam will need some teams to lose to make it to the playoffs. There are some crummy matchups on his team, and I'm not even sure Adam knows who he's starting at RB2 this weekend. Cedric Benson is done for the year and Brandon Jacobs is hurt as well. Chester Taylor's not even a great play this week as all signs point to him taking a back seat to Peterson once again. Tom Brady, aka The Suitcase Nuke, is a possibility to singlehandedly carry Adam to a victory once again, but he travels to Baltimore this weekend. Personally, I think the Ravens might be the worst team in football, but from time to time their defense can click and shut opposing offenses down. Adam has to have a lot of things go right to make an appearance in Week 14.

DELAWARE DING-DONG DANGLERS - (4-8, 99.7 points back, vs. Pocket T-Bags [5-7])
Odds Of Reaching Playoffs - 25:1
Please allow me to slip into Tony Kornheiser mode.
IF...
-Drew Brees can pretend it's 2006...
-Steve Smith can play a game where he actually remembers that he's Steve Smith...
-Plaxico Burress can stretch the Bears defense for two deep touchdowns on a permanently gimpy ankle...
-Chris Cooley can play the most emotionally charged football of his life...
-Reggie Brown can convince Andy Reid to start AJ Feeley...
-Steven Jackson can play with a quarterback who can actually handle snaps at the goal line...
-The Panthers D can whitewash the 49ers...
-Jeff Wilkins can nail two or more 50 yarders...
-LenDale White can score one touchdown for every Krispy Kreme donut he eats on Sunday...
-Three other 5-8 teams blow a win-and-you're-in...
...Then Ladies And Gentlemen, the Dong Danglers are playoff bound!

Good luck to all the playoff contenders this weekend, with the exception of Mike.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm very confident in my squad. Danglerz R playoff bound!