Break It Down: The 2007 Philadelphia Eagles

Walk it off, you queef.

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With half the "Get To Know A Leaguemate" posts completed, I thought we'd switch gears for a moment from fantasy football to real live football. We'll be taking a look at my one true love in this world, the Philadelphia Eagles, and take a stab at how this season might turn out for the Birds.
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To start, if I had to guess whether McNabb comes back and has a good, injury-free year, I'd lean towards him sucking it up, avoiding catastrophe, and having a pretty damn good year. I know a lot of that is left up to chance, but I believe the Kevin Kolb draft, plus the fact that the Eagles will likely not pay him after the 2008 season, makes me believe he has enough of a chip on his shoulder to play to prove to prospective employers that he still has the goods, and isn't an injury riddled disaster (see Culpepper, Daunte).

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Plus, Chase Utley's already on the DL, and contrary to all evidence otherwise, I just don't believe that God hates Philadelphia sports fans that much.

The defense looks good on paper, with names like Jevon Kearse, Brian Dawkins, and newcomer Takeo Spikes. Then again, it's not 2003, and all these guys will have to show they can bring it for this defense to be at its best, and give this team a shot to go deep into the playoffs.

Let's take a peek at the schedule and I'll gaze into my crystal ball for some Win-Loss projections.

Week 1: @ Packers - WIN. Great googly moogly, if there's one gimme road win on the schedule, it's this one. I'm actually in favor of sitting McNabb out of this one. Give Kolb the start. Let him get the rush of playing his first NFL game at Lambeau, give McNabb another week to rest, and give the fans a glimpse of what this kid has to offer. Like any Eagles fan ever watched a Houston Cougars game before. As a bonus, if Kolb stinks up the joint, he won't suffer the humiliation of being booed by the home fans.

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Week 2: vs. Redskins - WIN. I don't think there's much explaination needed here.

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Week 3: vs. Lions - WIN. I may take Angie to see the foliage this weekend instead of watching this one.

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Week 4: @ Giants - LOSS. I know. The Giants suck. But let's be honest, I can't see us at 4-0 at the bye week. No logic behind this pick, but I say we take one in the hindparts here and drop to 3-1.

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Week 5: BYE.

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Week 6: @ Jets - WIN. Do not adjust your TiVo. Two straight games at the Meadowlands. But we win this one. We always win after bye weeks.

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Week 7: vs. Bears - LOSS. Robbie Gould beats us at the buzzer. Asshole.

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Week 8: @ Vikings - WIN. Fun fact: The Vikings have a Viking guy blow into a giant Viking horn every time the Vikings get a first down. Second Fun fact: You won't hear that horn at all during this game. Third Fun fact: Beat them at their own game. Do a plastic trumpet beer bong every time the Eagles force the Vikings to punt.

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Week 9: vs. Cowboys - WIN. I'd sell 95% of my plasma to go to this game in person.

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Week 10: @ Redskins - WIN. I debated predicting that this would be the one week in every season where Santana Moss actually tries and goes off for 4 touchdowns, but the odds are so slim, we'll just pencil in a win.

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Week 11: vs. Dolphins - WIN. The old Ace Ventura Super Bowl rematch. Too bad the Dolphins suck now.

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Week 12: @ Patriots - LOSS. And a drubbing at that. I wish this weren't on the schedule. It's the Sunday Night game too.

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Week 13: vs. Seahawks - LOSS. And just like that, we've got a nifty little two-game losing streak going. Just like that, everybody hops off the bandwagon, and is calling for Andy Reid to get fired.

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Week 14: vs. Giants - WIN. Because we don't get swept by the Giants this year.

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Week 15: @ Cowboys - LOSS. Because we don't sweep the Cowboys this year.

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Week 16: @ Saints - LOSS. Can we pleeeeease stop making road trips to New Orleans? Pour yourself a nice tall hurricane before this game starts.

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Week 17: vs. Bills - WIN. Kevin Kolb gets win number 2 as an NFL starter!

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Final Record 10-6, NFC East Champions.

Any Steelers fans want to do the Pittsburgh post???? Anybody want to do the PSU post?

Get To Know Your Leaguemates: Paul

For all I know, this is the Paul Davis in our league. I think I've seen him in person twice.

Paul's Fast Facts:

1. Halo enthusiast.
   
2. Pseudonym: Slimmy.
   
3. Seriously, those are the only two things I know about him.
   
4. Was voted "Most Likely To Make Shady Draft Day Trades With A Blood Relative" by a group of his peers.

Get To Know Your Leaguemates: Rich

Hey yo, I wanna dedicate this song right here to Rich Ely. Half Chinese and Half Japanesy. Half American, and oh, what a species.

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Rich's Fast Facts:

1. Claims we all need to "get over the whole Pearl Harbor thing". What a dickhead.
   
2. Has a sweeeeet crotch rocket. He's got a new motorcycle too, from what I hear.
   
3. People who live in Connecticut watch far more women's basketball than NFL.
   
4. Was voted "Most Likely To Do Math Problems Between Draft Picks" by a group of his peers.
   

Get To Know Your Leaguemates: Shawn

Not who you were expecting, is it?

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Shawn's Fast Facts:

1. Fantasy Football will not have his full attention until Fantasy Baseball ends. This means in September and October, you can probably get away with offering him trades like "Jose Reyes for Maurice Jones-Drew"

2. Studying for law school has actually increased Shawn's knowledge of NFL current events.

3. Totino's Pizza Rolls. I have no idea what it means, but I do know that every time Shawn gets mentioned, somebody brings up this tasty treat, which is available in your grocer's freezer.

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4. Was voted "Most Likely To Draft Bill Walsh" by a group of his peers.

Get To Know Your Leaguemates: Aaron

In actuality, most people felt Aaron was overdressed at his wedding.

Aaron's Fast Facts:

1. If college is any indication, he'll probably just copy off of Rich's cheat sheet instead of doing his own research.

2. Will only select black players if they have a really black first name.

3. Despite the fact that the draft is not live, and we won't even be in the same state, Aaron will repeatedly ask me if he can have some of my snack food.

4. Aaron was voted "Most Likely to Draft A Lord Of The Rings Character" by a group of his peers.

5. BONUS** Recent tabloid reports are linking Bono to Penelope Cruz. Upon hearing the news, Aaron had two simultaneous heart attacks.

Get To Know Your Leaguemates: Jordan

Jordan's Father-In-Law makes a rare public appearance.

Jordan's Fast Facts:

1. Is known in Fantasy circles as "Dennis Rodman" for his tremendous ability to reach.

2. Once showed enthusiasm for a John Mayer concert. The same John Mayer who sings every song like he's giving birth to conjoined sextuplets. It's called inhaling, John. Give it a try once in a while.

3. He is America's oldest brewery.

4. Voted "Most Likely to Draft Kevin Kolb" by a group of his peers.

Get To Know Your Leaguemates: Shelby

AKA Professor Turtleneck

Shelby's Fast Facts:

1. Avid 4-wheeler enthusiast.

2. Voted "Most Likely To Draft The Arizona Cardinals Defense" by a group of his peers.

3. Spends 22 hours of the day reading patent proposals, making him more in need of a Fantasy than the rest of us put together.

4. Once drafted Eli Manning over Peyton Manning in the first round due to a waxy build-up on his mouse wheel.