Handing Out Some Hardware - Premier of the Tony Awards

"Hey Jessica, I think I'm part of pop culture thanks to you." - Tony
"Pop like soda or pop like popcorn?" - Jessica
"Nevermind, let's go bone on the beaches of Mexico." - Tony
"YAY for penises!!" - Jessica

Here we are, creeping up on week 2 and there's still so much left to do for week 1. A Little Slap and Pickle presents the first weekly installment of the 2008 awards that celebrate one player from each winning team that helped to seal the deal for their respective owner. Without further ado, the 2008 Tony Awards!!

Melvin def. Dave - The Tony goes to Reggie Bush. Melvin's day could have ended catastrophically, well, it actually did. But he still managed to pull out the win thanks to a monster day from Mr. Bush. Reggie totaled 28 points and mixed it up with receiving and rushing yards and caught a nifty screen pass for a 42 yard touchdown in there as well. With model-pumping QB out for the year, Melvin will lean heavily on Bush for the rest of the season.

Hefty def. Mike - The Tony goes to Michael Turner. I know, I know, he was already listed as a Magnum in our earlier column. But how can you possibly disregard 40.5 points from a running back?! With a regular week from Turner, Hefty would have lost by 15 and probably would be looking for some bullwinkle and a ZJ from some back-street boy in Doylestown. Man, it's a good thing Turner had the game he did!

Craig def. Aaron - The Tony goes to Marion Barber III. Dude ripped 23.5 points and only played 2.5 quarters. Injuries aside, that's production his general manager can certainly live with. Jericho Cotchery gets strong consideration for his fist rendezvous with Brett Favre, but I have a feeling Ol' Jericho will put his name on the Tony list before the season is through.

Shelby def. Jonesy - The Tony goes to Frank Gore. Shelby's highest scorer of the day came through huge in the 2nd round of Sunday games. He may not be able to put up similar numbers in lowly San Fran all season long, but he's at least made one skidmark on the underpants of week 1.

Adam def. Jordan - The Tony goes to DonoVan McNabb. Yes, another repeat from our Magnums section. The problem here is that the rest of Adam's team was so mediocre, I couldn't pick any of them in good conscience. If McNabb was able to put up these number with D squad receivers, imagine what he'll do when his top two boys are actually healthy. A stiff, hard, pulsating test awaits next Monday night as the Birds visit Big D.

Rich def. Shawn - The Tony goes to John Kitna. Even though his team got smoked, Kitna played a pretty solid game for the Lions who were purported to be using a run focused offensive attack in 2008. That's a hard plan to follow when you go down 21-0 in the first quarter. Surprisingly, Kitna was able to avoid turnovers and thus made up for the frightful day of Rich's TE, Todd Heap, who scored -1.5 in a total let down. JAP SLAP!!