Week 3 Power Rankings: The Juke Box Edition

Singin' My Crappy Team's Blues Away

This week we’ll break down the rankings and give everyone a song that attempts to sum of their efforts as a general manager so far this season.

#1 – Melvin (3-0, W3, Previously #1) – You’re the Best Around – By Paul Stanley. The Dallas Diaper Poopy Heads rolled in week 3 with the highest score in the league. Everyone on this team is putting up numbers. Did I mention his first round pick is out for the season? Scary.

#2 – Davis (2-1, W1, Previously #3) – Livin’ on the Edge – By Aerosmith. The Dump Tanks finally got production out of the first overall pick and won a tight battle against Skidmark. If LT continues to produce, Adam will be on the edge of the top spot for the foreseeable future.

#3 – Hefty (2-1, W1, Previously #4) – One Way or Another – By Blondie. He’s gonna find ya, he’s gonna getcha, getcha, getcha. The Westbrook prognosis is dicey, but Michael Turner appears to be poised for a solid season. Now, if he could only play the Lions and Chiefs all year…

# 4 – Rich (2-1, L1, Previously #2) – Turning Japanese – By The Vapors. We all know Rich is already Japanese and I doubt he’s been turning Japanese much since he got married. Let’s face it. There’s no way I’m going to fill this juke box theme without throwing a nonsensical tune in there every once in a while.

#5 – Shelby (3-0, W3, Previously #8) – Screaming Infidelities – Dashboard Confessional. I revisit this topic for yet another week. Shelby has yet to score 100 points, but has the fewest points in the league scored against him. He probably only needs to go 4-6 the rest of the way to get into the playoffs. A win this week, and I’ll officially have to change my stance on Mr. Fidler’s skeleton squad.

#6 – Jordan (2-1, W2, Previously #7) – Thunderdome – By Primal Fear. In case you hadn’t noticed, Jordan is bald. It’s funny. Nothing like recycled humor to get you through the power rankings. Seriously, he’s won two in a row and has moved into the top half of the rankings.

#7 – Shawn (2-1, W2, Previously #9) - Bad Medicine – By Bon Jovi. Shawn certainly gave me the bad medicine this week by thumping my team and recording the second highest point total in the league. This has nothing to do with him screaming the chorus of this song at Hefty’s and Rich’s weddings, I swear.

#8 – Mike (1-2, L1, Previously #5) – Once Bitten, Twice Shy - By Great White. Mike’s been the victim of his opponent having a monster week twice now in the first three weeks. He’s gone over 100 points every week and has little to show for it. That will work itself out as we get into the bye weeks and the middle of the season. This is still a playoff team.

#9 – Craig (1-2, L2, Previously #6) – Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting) – By Elton John. So far this season, Saturday is my favorite day of the weekend. I’ve followed each Penn State win by getting drunk and then waking up with a hangover only to see my fantasy team shit the bed. So far, I’m managing a team of paper all-stars. My lineup and match ups look great, but they aren’t producing. The Blow look to get back on track against the 0-3 StinkPalmers in week 4.

#10 – Dave (0-3, L3, Previously #11) – Cruel Summer – By Bananarama. Dave scored well last week and was a couple more Rivers to Gates connections away from beating Hefty. He’s happy to see the calendar turn to fall as the first three weeks of the season were none too kind to our friend and everyone’s favorite, Deewan.

#11 – Aaron (0-3, L3, Previously #10) – Yellow Submarine – By The Beatles. Aaron lives in a yellow submarine and it’s sinking to the bottom of the power rankings. His team lacked punch yet again. It’s tough to put up points when your QB is running for his life.

#12 – Jonesy (0-3, L3, Previously #12) – In the End – By Linkin Park. Here rests Jerod’s Mayo, at the end of the power rankings. I really think a name change is needed here. I predict this team will not win until it gets on board with the rest of the league and hits up the fecal theme. It was a sad day on Thursday, as Jonesy cut a beloved Patriot from his team. Steven Gostowski is now available.