I have actual turds that look better than this guy.
It's time to delve into the power rankings after week 1. Just accept right now that you're not going to agree with me and deal with it. I don't really care. It's fun to piss you all off.
#1 Craig (1-0, Previously #2) Well, based on the last power rankings not written by me, I was the highest ranked player that won. Therefore I pronounce my emergence as the top ranked poo-man in the dung power rankings. I'm here and I'm not leaving until I lose, which will probably be next week.
#2 Hefty (1-0, Previously #4) John stormed out of his hairy-hatchet wound obsession to set a squad that outscored all others in week one. An impressive feat for sure. Whether or not it continues, remains to be seen.
#3 Davis (1-0, Previously #3) Steady, steady, steady. Adam wins and it's week 1, so I can't really move him down. The win wasn't overly impressive, but a win is a win.
#4 Melvin (1-0, Previously #7) Probably the most tenuous position in the rankings, Melvin finds himself a winner by going over the century mark, but find his stud QB injured and dropped for the season. Will his assumptive mediocre running backs be able to carry the load for the fallen savior? I'm not banking on it, but stranger things have happened.
#5 Mike (0-1, Previously #5) Mike's team put up pimp numbers and I'm giving him a break in the rankings because he's about to break his strong bachelor hand in half in two weeks. He played all the right guys except for DeSean Jackson. Had he done so, he'd be moving up instead of remaining idle.
#6 Rich (1-0, Previously #12) Rich is the biggest mover in week one thanks to his boisterous response to Hefty's overly critical innitial ranking. Dropping perhaps the best QB on his squad is questionable, but he won and it wasn't close.
#7 Shelby (1-0, Previously #11) Another big mover here, but only because he won. I don't see that happening very often this year. When it's all said and done I think he'll miss the playoffs again, but what do I know?
#8 Jordan (0-1, Previously, #1) Oh what a tumble. Jordache's team didn't show up at all. Housh, Cooley, Maroney, Coles and Colts D combined for 13 points. Not going to win many with that type of production.
#9 Deewan (0-1, Previously #8) I picked Dave to win in week one and he severely let me down. Anderson was a bitch and McGahee didn't even see the field. The rest of his team was actually pretty respectible. I think Dave will end up in the playoffs for the first time in recent fantasy memory.
#10 Shawn (0-1, Previously #6) Shawn lost to the #12 team in last weeks power rankings. The Eddie Royal experiement starts in week 2.
#11 Jonesy (0-1, Previously #10) Carson Palmer and Wes Welka were huge let downs in the first week of action. Hopefully Jonesy will lose again and then I can put his Patriot-loving ass in last place. SUMMMMMMMMER ALE!
#12 Aaron (0-1, Previously #9) Not much of a fight from Burrito Rice in week 1. Aaron scored the fewest points and doesn't show much promise of improving. Only one true starting tailback and no bonafide #1 receiver will make it tough sledding all year. I don't think Roethlisberger will throw enough to propel the rice to the top.
#1 Craig (1-0, Previously #2) Well, based on the last power rankings not written by me, I was the highest ranked player that won. Therefore I pronounce my emergence as the top ranked poo-man in the dung power rankings. I'm here and I'm not leaving until I lose, which will probably be next week.
#2 Hefty (1-0, Previously #4) John stormed out of his hairy-hatchet wound obsession to set a squad that outscored all others in week one. An impressive feat for sure. Whether or not it continues, remains to be seen.
#3 Davis (1-0, Previously #3) Steady, steady, steady. Adam wins and it's week 1, so I can't really move him down. The win wasn't overly impressive, but a win is a win.
#4 Melvin (1-0, Previously #7) Probably the most tenuous position in the rankings, Melvin finds himself a winner by going over the century mark, but find his stud QB injured and dropped for the season. Will his assumptive mediocre running backs be able to carry the load for the fallen savior? I'm not banking on it, but stranger things have happened.
#5 Mike (0-1, Previously #5) Mike's team put up pimp numbers and I'm giving him a break in the rankings because he's about to break his strong bachelor hand in half in two weeks. He played all the right guys except for DeSean Jackson. Had he done so, he'd be moving up instead of remaining idle.
#6 Rich (1-0, Previously #12) Rich is the biggest mover in week one thanks to his boisterous response to Hefty's overly critical innitial ranking. Dropping perhaps the best QB on his squad is questionable, but he won and it wasn't close.
#7 Shelby (1-0, Previously #11) Another big mover here, but only because he won. I don't see that happening very often this year. When it's all said and done I think he'll miss the playoffs again, but what do I know?
#8 Jordan (0-1, Previously, #1) Oh what a tumble. Jordache's team didn't show up at all. Housh, Cooley, Maroney, Coles and Colts D combined for 13 points. Not going to win many with that type of production.
#9 Deewan (0-1, Previously #8) I picked Dave to win in week one and he severely let me down. Anderson was a bitch and McGahee didn't even see the field. The rest of his team was actually pretty respectible. I think Dave will end up in the playoffs for the first time in recent fantasy memory.
#10 Shawn (0-1, Previously #6) Shawn lost to the #12 team in last weeks power rankings. The Eddie Royal experiement starts in week 2.
#11 Jonesy (0-1, Previously #10) Carson Palmer and Wes Welka were huge let downs in the first week of action. Hopefully Jonesy will lose again and then I can put his Patriot-loving ass in last place. SUMMMMMMMMER ALE!
#12 Aaron (0-1, Previously #9) Not much of a fight from Burrito Rice in week 1. Aaron scored the fewest points and doesn't show much promise of improving. Only one true starting tailback and no bonafide #1 receiver will make it tough sledding all year. I don't think Roethlisberger will throw enough to propel the rice to the top.
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