Uncle Walbo's Week 14 Playoff Preview Spectacular!!!

It's been a "rocky road" to the 2007 Westside FFL playoffs! (sorry, couldn't get the Goonies pic you sent me...)

EDITOR'S NOTE: For a fair and balanced look at Playoff Action, we bring in Senior Playoff Analyst, Mike Walbert. His words are below.


After 13 weeks of blood, sweat and horrible jokes, here stands Westside Fantasy Football League 2007, poised for the postseason to begin. Well, everyone except me, Deewaan, Matthew and Shelby. Fine.

It’s time to breakdown the playoff matchups, the matchups within the matchups and make predictions of who will prevail and who will be joining the loser brigade. Are. You. Reeeeeeeeady?


#8 HOLIDAYSBURG’S MICHAELPJACKSON at #1 JABROC JUNK JABBERS

JUNK JABBERS
Who Got Him Here
-Tony Romo (#2 ranked QB)
-Larry Fitzgerald (#7 ranked WR)
-Tony Gonzalez (#4 ranked TE)
Sasquatch Alert
-Santonio Holmes. If #10 can come back from his ankle injury, the Patriots have shown the last two weeks that they don’t care much to cover “decent” (Derrick Mason) to “terrible” (Greg Lewis) wide receivers. Holmes is considerably better than those guys.
Bajingo Alert
-Jesse Chatman. Facing off against a stout Buffalo defense playing their asses off this year, Chatman will struggle to get even half of the stupendously odd 20.5-point prediction by the beloved Hector & Victor.
Analysis
Rich has had to contend with the vicious venereal disease RBB (Reggie Bush’s Bullshit) all season. But the Simpson-slamming ways of Tony Romo have led the charge, combined with a major late-season surge by Gonzalez. Fitzgerald’s iffy status certainly harms the #1 team.


MICHAELPJACKSON
Who Got Him Here
-Tom Brady (#1 ranked QB and asshole)
-Vikings D (#1 ranked Defense)
Sasquatch Alert
Adrian Peterson. The other AP could find holes against a Redskins D that is tired and reliant more on defending the pass. Plus, there’s really no one else to choose. Oh, alright. Ronald Curry.
Bajingo Alert
Hines Ward. See above with Santanio Holmes. Holmes’ possible return could mean less passes coming Ward’s way.
Analysis
He took more shit than a fertilized corn field but still rallied into the final playoff spot. Adam’s surge hasn’t been a secret: Brady scores the major chunk of points and hope for inexplicable point production from sources like Desmond Clark or Isaac Bruce. With Brady around, as has been said all season, he has a puncher’s chance.

The Pick
While injuries could derail the Junk Jabbers season, the boys from Jabroc (is that in Tennessee?) simply have more viable, consistent scoring weapons than the MichaelPJackson. And Romo only averages 5 less points a game than Brady.
Junk Jabbers 132, MichaelPJackson 103.


#7 DEATH KNELL AT #2 LICENSE TO KIM JONG IL

KIM JONG IL
Who Got Him Here
-Peyton Manning (#5 ranked QB)
-Marion Barber III (#8 ranked RB)
-Reggie Wayne (#4 ranked WR)
Sasquatch Alert
-Ryan Grant. This unheralded running back managed to crack Green Bay’s atrocious 7-man rotation at tailback and has been a beast over the last six weeks. Facing a porous Oakland run defense and a dinged up Brett Favre means fantastic stuff for Mr. Grant.
Bajingo Alert
-Manning. Don’t sleep on the Baltimore Ravens D. The monster appeared to awaken this week against New England and they could be ornery still after the MNF debacle. Don’t be surprising if Manning struggles to throw more than two TDs against this unit.
Analysis
Jordache dealt for Manning and, honestly, it hasn’t been the windfall any of us expected. (Six points versus KC? Nineteen against San Diego?) His team was hovering around first before the trade and he won the weak Autobots division, but that could be more due to the collapse of Diz-eeZ-(insert name or word here)


DEATH KNELL
Who Got Him Here
-Brian Westbrook (#1 ranked RB)
-Earnest Graham (#12 ranked RB)
-Terrell Owens (#2 ranked WR and ass lesion)
Sasquatch Alert
-Owens. The Lions D is just puzzling. And the way Martz calls passing plays, expect a lot of punts and turnovers going Dallas’ way. No one can cover Owens on that team.
Bajingo Alert
-Kurt Warner. The Arizona Cardinals on the road is always a dangerous proposition (except when it’s in Philadelphia). And playing a Seahawks passing D that has allowed less than a dozen passing TDs all year in a harsh, nasty-weather environment is troubling. Oh, and Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald are likely out.
Analysis
Since the historic name change, Craig has been barnstorming the league and took a firm grasp of the #7 playoff spot. Westbrook has been sensational and Craig has also received timely contributions from Bobby Engram and Jamal Lewis.

The Pick
While having a very solid season, Jordan’s playoff seeding is right out of the NBA’s goofy rules. This matchup truly hinges on the quarterbacks. Which one will perform better and avoid costly turnovers and low yardage output? It’s a gut feeling here … and a mild upset.
Death Knell 137, Kim Jong Il 132


#6 OPTIMUS PRYMEZ’ DIZ-EEZ NUTZ!!! AT #3 THE CANADIAN CRIPPLERS

CRIPPLERS
Who Got Him Here
-Randy Moss (#1 ranked WR)
-Willis McGahee (#5 ranked RB)
Sasquatch Alert
-Marques Colston. Saints play the Falcons. That’s as far as I’ll go.
Bajingo Alert
-Willie Parker. Though ranked fairly well (#11 RB), Parker has found the end zone twice (week 2 and week 8) and faces the always difficult Patriots defense.
Analysis
Shawn ripped off a series of wins in the early part of the league, but a two-game losing steak cost him the top seed. Moss has been a shining star among some semi-turds. Lack of consistent QB play (he’s started half a dozen different guys this year) has hurt, but the big-play potential is there with Shockey and Colston and McGahee.


DIZ-EEZ NUTZ!!!
Who Got Him Here
-Nick Folk (#1 ranked Kicker)
-Steelers Defense (#4 ranked Defense)
-Matt Hasselbeck (#9 ranked QB)
Sasquatch Alert
Maurice Jones-Drew. The Jaguars play the Panthers this weekend and you can expect huge numbers from the guys in the weird black uniforms with the yellow splotch on their helmet.
Bajingo Alert
Steelers D. They face New England. Could be ugly. Or could be a bounty. Who knows at this point?
Analysis
Steelers D and Nick Folk… We’ve been saying it all year and it’s what’s been happening all year: Those two entities have kept Diz-eeZ NutZ!!! in the winners category – until of late. A three-game losing streak is never good entering the playoffs. However, Aaron’s roster moves, including picking up Roddy White, who received some sort of voodoo boost and leapt into the top-20 list of WRs somehow, have been solid to make up for a fairly lame draft.

The Pick
This will probably be the tightest contest of the four playoff games. Hasselbeck has been on fire, Torry Holt has come out of the doldrums and MJD has a terrific matchup. Then again, so does Colston and David Garrard will be tossing the skin against that Carolina D as well. Then there’s a guy named Moss on the Cripplers sideline as well. This game hinges on the Steelers’ performance against New England, plain and simple.
Cripplers 117, Diz-eeZ NutZ!!! 99


#5 HAWAII MCLOVIN AT #4 CHICAGO BEAR GRYLLS

GRYLLS
Who Got Him Here
-Adrian Peterson (#3 ranked RB)
-LaDainian Tomlinson (#2 ranked RB)
-Braylon Edwards (#3 ranked WR)
Sasquatch Alert
Adrian Peterson. He butts heads with a San Franciso team that smells worse than Deewaan’s college dates.
Bajingo Alert
Kevin Walter. He gets docked points just for his mugshot. But seriously, he’s up against a difficult Tampa Bay cover-two defense.
Analysis
No other team in this fantasy league had seven of nine starters ranking in the top 10 at their position, as of this writing. How is it possible that the Bear Grylls aren’t better than a 5-loss team then? Carson Palmer, while ranking seventh among QBs has been inconsistent at best and his stats are clouded by his 55-point outburst in week 2. However, the running backs are unstoppable. If Tomlinson can keep the momentum, well, it’s el-stinko for whoever faces Jon.


MCLOVIN
Who Got Him Here
-TJ Houshmanzadeh (#5 ranked WR)
-Clinton Portis (#7 ranked RB)
Sasquatch Alert
Andre Johnson. OK, so I’ll contradict myself from earlier. Yes, Johnson is against Tampa. But he has come out on fire from the missed time due to injury. He’s hot and he’ll stay hot.
Bajingo Alert
Justin Fargas. Green Bay is likely pissed about the Thursday game. And this contest is at Lambeau. Don’t expect too much yardage from Fargas, who was a shrewd pickup (I should know; had him on my roster)
Analysis
The Housh and Chad Johnson show has kept Paul in the upper echelon of the league. Up-and-down QB play (boy, there’s a real theme in the league this year!) has detracted from his success. But overcoming the loss of Larry Johnson, a top-three pick, has been impressive.

The Pick
The running back combo platter of AD and LDT is just vicious. I’m talking major diarrhea for the digestive system. Those two have favorable matchups, as does Edwards. Jason Campbell and Portis are gonna struggle against the Bears D.
Bear Grylls 139, McLovin 110