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Monday Morning Slobbering Yap: 10/1/07

Jerry Porter put a whipping on Monsignor Baldo and then donned the "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase belt this weekend. Respect.

5 Things I Think That I Thought Were

1. I think you damn well know the numbers... 12 sacks and 15 penalties (Eagles), five turnovers (PSU) and nine men in the box (Steelers). What an abomination all around. Hey Steelers fans, welcome to watching a game where it feels like some chick in stelletos is just repeatedly stomping on your beanbag. Isn't it fun? WHY didn't Arians realize the Cards were stacking the box to stop Parker? WTF, Beavis.

2. I think I like the Phillies chances against either the Rockies or the Padres. And I like their chances even more against the next tier of opponents, the Dbacks and Cubs. Having watched the Dbacks all year, they have a couple of pitchers who give up a ton of runs (Doug Davis and Livan "Meatball Sub" Hernandez) and we know how the Phillies score. We'll see. I just jinxed them. The Mets are awesome, by the by!

3. I think you all should stay away from seeing The Black Dahlia, which stars Josh Harnett (worst actor in the world; he's as wooden as Hussein's magical growing nose), Scarlett Johansson (she doesn't even look great in it) and Hilary Swank (who bares her bottom. It's alright). The plot is convoluted, the acting is pretty poor and the film is too long. Overall, a major bummer.

4. I think this is what I hated about the weekend:
a. It's the same, tired-ass story with Penn State. Just an excrutiating experience and a colossal waste of talent and opportunities. What will it take for JoePa to come out of his coma?
b. Penn State.
c. Nittany Lions.
d. Joe.
e. Bringing out the spread offense early against Illinois. It works for a bit. And then shelve it.
f. Penn State.

5. I think this is what I liked about the weekend:
a. Meg's innocent question about Andy Reid, while we're watching that diarrhea fest last night and Tickle Me, Moustache is shown sweating in his trademark massive snowsuit: "Is it really cold there? ... Why is he wearing a ski jacket?" Many of us have wondered the same thing, dear.
b. Having Jerry Porter shove a giant middle finger in Jordan's face. How's that for analysis?
c. Seeing the undefeated Westside teams take it on the chin. Now we're in for a real race the rest of this fantasy season!
d. 0-4. Guess who.