How many times will Shawn yell "I-Talian Grill" during NFL action this week? Only the Commish knows...
Game 1: Stinkpalmers @ Poopyheads
QB - Anderson vs. Brady - Advantage: Poopyheads
RB - Addai/McGahee vs. Bush/James - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
WR - Burress/S. Moss/Berrian vs. Fitzgerald/Bowe/R. Brown - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
TE - Gates vs. V. Davis - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
D - Patriots vs. Bears - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
This match-up is going to come down to QB and WR play. Brady is in store for a huge day against a terrible Chiefs team, but will it be enough to carry a generally mediocre squad? None of the running backs here impress me and their match-ups aren't favorable. Look for the Poopyheads to play Drew Bennett in place of Reggie Brown, who's nursing a tender hammy.
Winner: Stinkpalmers
Game 2: Dump tanks @ Sharts
QB - McNabb vs. E. Manning - Advantage: Dump tanks
RB - Tomlinson/Jones-Drew vs. Peterson/Maroney - Advantage: Dump tanks
WR - Colston/Galloway/Chambers vs. Housh/Calvin Johnson/Coles - Advantage: Push
TE - Winslow vs. Cooley - Advantage: Push
D - Vikings vs. Colts - Advantage: Sharts
McNabb should have a big day against a suspect Rams defense. The running backs should all do well, but I always like LT and MJD is going up against the Titans. Both Peterson and Maroney COULD hit paydirt, but it's no sure thing. The WRs in this match-up are nothing to get excited about. The only really favorable match-up might be Coles against the Dolphins. I like Winslow more than Cooley, but he's facing a pretty good defense. I pick the Colts over the Vikes because they get to run at the bearded wonder, Kyle Orton, all night in front of a primetime audience.
Winner: Dump tanks in a squeaker.
Game 3: Hot Dogs @ Mayo
QB - P. Manning vs. Palmer - Advantage: Mayo
RB - Gore/R. Williams vs. Parker/F. Taylor - Advantage: Hot Dogs
WR - Holmes/Roy Williams/Gonzalez vs. Owens/Welker/Evans - Advantage: Mayo
TE - Boss vs. H. Miller - Advantage: Mayo
D - Steelers vs. Chargers - Advantage: Mayo
Manning is just coming back from injury and I expect him to struggle. On the other hand, Palmer is throwing to a WR with one arm, another with one leg and a no-name. This might be the grossest match-up of running backs in the history of fantasy football. Neither team can boast two bonafide NFL starters. I believe the wide outs will decide this game and Jonesy's are decidedly better. Kevin Boss? Really?
Winner: Jerod's Mayo
Game 4: Skidmark @ Terrible Bowels
QB - Brees vs. Romo - Advantage: Skidmark
RB - T. Jones/Graham vs. Westbrook/Turner - Advantage: Terrible Bowels
WR - R. Moss/Edwards/Driver vs. A. Johnson/Mason/Gaffney - Advantage: Skidmark
TE - Scheffler vs. Witten - Advantage: Terrible Bowels
D - Titans vs. Eagles - Advantage: Terrible Bowels
Expect both QBs to have a big day. I gave the edge to Brees here because all of his targets are healthy and he's playing at home. Bombs over Cleveland and New Orleans. I predict that the Terrible Bowels strengths and favorable match-ups at RB and TE will make up for a putrid WR group. Neither the Titans nor the Eagles are a very sexy defensive pick this week, but the Birds are facing the Rams who just put in a new offensive system.
Winner: Terrible Bowels
Game 5: Butt Pills @ Shithouse
QB - Kitna vs. Hasselbeck - Advantage: Butt Pills
RB - Jackson/Jacobs vs. Lynch/L. Johnson - Advantage: Push
WR - Wayne/Holt/Ward vs. Chad Johnson/White/Hackett - Advantage: Butt Pills
TE - Heap vs. Shockey - Advantage: Shithouse
D - Giants vs. Packers - Advantage: Shithouse
None of the running backs here have very favorable match-ups. Shithouse is keeping watch as several WRs might end up in the infirmary before the end zone. I look for a big day from Kitna against the Falcons. Ward finds the end zone and provides a boost from the #3 receiving spot.
Winner: Butt Pills
Game 6: Burrito rice @ Colon Blow
QB - Roethlisberger vs. Bulger - Advantage: Burrito rice
RB - Portis/Lewis vs. Barber/K. Smith - Advantage: Colon Blow
WR - Boldin/Harrison/Stallworth vs. Jennings/Cotchery/Burleson - Advantage: Colon Blow
TE - Dallas Clark vs. T. Gonzalez - Advantage: Push
D - Seahawks vs. Jaguars - Advantage: Push
I predict that this will be the most evenly matched game of week 1. Roethlisberger looks like a good match-up on paper against the Texans, but how will the O-line fair? Barber is set to explode out of the gates and the only thing that can slow him down is teammate, Felix Jones. Harrison and Stallworth have face tough defenses, while Jennings, Cotchery and Burleson face three of the worst Ds in the league. Both the Seahawks and the Jags should have their way with unstable offenses.
Winner: Colon Blow - Note: I'm trying to be as objective as possible here.
QB - Anderson vs. Brady - Advantage: Poopyheads
RB - Addai/McGahee vs. Bush/James - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
WR - Burress/S. Moss/Berrian vs. Fitzgerald/Bowe/R. Brown - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
TE - Gates vs. V. Davis - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
D - Patriots vs. Bears - Advantage: Stinkpalmers
This match-up is going to come down to QB and WR play. Brady is in store for a huge day against a terrible Chiefs team, but will it be enough to carry a generally mediocre squad? None of the running backs here impress me and their match-ups aren't favorable. Look for the Poopyheads to play Drew Bennett in place of Reggie Brown, who's nursing a tender hammy.
Winner: Stinkpalmers
Game 2: Dump tanks @ Sharts
QB - McNabb vs. E. Manning - Advantage: Dump tanks
RB - Tomlinson/Jones-Drew vs. Peterson/Maroney - Advantage: Dump tanks
WR - Colston/Galloway/Chambers vs. Housh/Calvin Johnson/Coles - Advantage: Push
TE - Winslow vs. Cooley - Advantage: Push
D - Vikings vs. Colts - Advantage: Sharts
McNabb should have a big day against a suspect Rams defense. The running backs should all do well, but I always like LT and MJD is going up against the Titans. Both Peterson and Maroney COULD hit paydirt, but it's no sure thing. The WRs in this match-up are nothing to get excited about. The only really favorable match-up might be Coles against the Dolphins. I like Winslow more than Cooley, but he's facing a pretty good defense. I pick the Colts over the Vikes because they get to run at the bearded wonder, Kyle Orton, all night in front of a primetime audience.
Winner: Dump tanks in a squeaker.
Game 3: Hot Dogs @ Mayo
QB - P. Manning vs. Palmer - Advantage: Mayo
RB - Gore/R. Williams vs. Parker/F. Taylor - Advantage: Hot Dogs
WR - Holmes/Roy Williams/Gonzalez vs. Owens/Welker/Evans - Advantage: Mayo
TE - Boss vs. H. Miller - Advantage: Mayo
D - Steelers vs. Chargers - Advantage: Mayo
Manning is just coming back from injury and I expect him to struggle. On the other hand, Palmer is throwing to a WR with one arm, another with one leg and a no-name. This might be the grossest match-up of running backs in the history of fantasy football. Neither team can boast two bonafide NFL starters. I believe the wide outs will decide this game and Jonesy's are decidedly better. Kevin Boss? Really?
Winner: Jerod's Mayo
Game 4: Skidmark @ Terrible Bowels
QB - Brees vs. Romo - Advantage: Skidmark
RB - T. Jones/Graham vs. Westbrook/Turner - Advantage: Terrible Bowels
WR - R. Moss/Edwards/Driver vs. A. Johnson/Mason/Gaffney - Advantage: Skidmark
TE - Scheffler vs. Witten - Advantage: Terrible Bowels
D - Titans vs. Eagles - Advantage: Terrible Bowels
Expect both QBs to have a big day. I gave the edge to Brees here because all of his targets are healthy and he's playing at home. Bombs over Cleveland and New Orleans. I predict that the Terrible Bowels strengths and favorable match-ups at RB and TE will make up for a putrid WR group. Neither the Titans nor the Eagles are a very sexy defensive pick this week, but the Birds are facing the Rams who just put in a new offensive system.
Winner: Terrible Bowels
Game 5: Butt Pills @ Shithouse
QB - Kitna vs. Hasselbeck - Advantage: Butt Pills
RB - Jackson/Jacobs vs. Lynch/L. Johnson - Advantage: Push
WR - Wayne/Holt/Ward vs. Chad Johnson/White/Hackett - Advantage: Butt Pills
TE - Heap vs. Shockey - Advantage: Shithouse
D - Giants vs. Packers - Advantage: Shithouse
None of the running backs here have very favorable match-ups. Shithouse is keeping watch as several WRs might end up in the infirmary before the end zone. I look for a big day from Kitna against the Falcons. Ward finds the end zone and provides a boost from the #3 receiving spot.
Winner: Butt Pills
Game 6: Burrito rice @ Colon Blow
QB - Roethlisberger vs. Bulger - Advantage: Burrito rice
RB - Portis/Lewis vs. Barber/K. Smith - Advantage: Colon Blow
WR - Boldin/Harrison/Stallworth vs. Jennings/Cotchery/Burleson - Advantage: Colon Blow
TE - Dallas Clark vs. T. Gonzalez - Advantage: Push
D - Seahawks vs. Jaguars - Advantage: Push
I predict that this will be the most evenly matched game of week 1. Roethlisberger looks like a good match-up on paper against the Texans, but how will the O-line fair? Barber is set to explode out of the gates and the only thing that can slow him down is teammate, Felix Jones. Harrison and Stallworth have face tough defenses, while Jennings, Cotchery and Burleson face three of the worst Ds in the league. Both the Seahawks and the Jags should have their way with unstable offenses.
Winner: Colon Blow - Note: I'm trying to be as objective as possible here.
2 comments:
Why didn't you take the kickers into account?? I'm going to kick 9 field goals this week and return a fumble for a TD.
Kickers, schmikers. One week a year, a kicker will determine your fantasy week.
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