Uncle Walbo's Week 15 Semi-Final Preview Spectacular!!!

Uncle Walbo is back and ready to sink his big effin' teeth into another round of the WFFL 2007 playoffs.

So I went 3-1 last week with my predictions. Who would've known that every single person on License to Kim Jong Il would score a touchdown. Really, it was quite outrageous the output that team saw. Anyway, let's get to the breakdown.

This week we'll pit the final four teams together, see who has the cajones to pull it off and who will be floating along in the cesspool of the Consolation Ladder.

CHICAGO BEAR GRYLLS AT JABROC JUNK JABBERS

BEAR GRYLLS
Porn 'stache potential
James Jones. He's not starting, but a matchup against the St. Louis Rams just screams "Oh yeah, dropping loads all over Scott Linehan's headset!" But hey, I'm sure Sidney Rice will do well.

Favorable matchups
1. Carson Palmer, QB. Carson Pa-Pa gets the absolutely horrific 49ers to toy with. There could be major fireworks from him
2. LaDainian Tomlinson, RB. The Chargers play Detriot. Repeat. The Chargers play Detroit. If Marion Barber can dump three TDs on the Motor City team...

Hiccup alert!
Bears D. Yes, we know Hester's amazing return TDs have meant squat for the Bears squad all season, but for real. Where is the defense? The turnovers aren't there. Scant defensive touchdowns. The Vikings have shown they can Team Ramrod it down teams' throats on the ground. Is this a case of cutting off your nose to spite your face? (Peterson and Bears D).

JUNK JABBERS

Porn 'stache potential
Buccaneers D. Playing against a deflated team that got kicked in the nards by Bobby Petrino (!!), Tampa could see tons of turnovers, tons of "who cares, we suck" play and maybe a defensive TD.

Favorable matchups
1. Tony Gonzalez, TE. Just a stud. He's a fantastic matchup against anybody, even with those warm corpses, er QBs, that KC is using out there. Look for at least 80 yards and a score against the Titans.
2. Larry Fitzgerald, WR. Yeah, so Captain Kurt threw five picks last week. The Cards still love slingin' the ball, the Saints start Jason David at corner and this has potential to be a major shootout.

Hiccup alert!
Samkon Gado. He will not perform like that again. 22.6 points? No way.

The Pick
It's essentially Tony Romo versus Peterson and Tomlinson. Rich has had the magic all season. Look for an outburst from an unknown Junk Jabber for a squeaker of a victory.
Junk Jabbers 115, Bear Grylls 112.


CANADIAN CRIPPLERS AT LICENSE TO KIM JONG IL

CRIPPLERS
Porn 'stache potential
Randy Moss. Is there ANY doubt that the Patriots will be tossing long bombs on the New York Snitches all day long?

Favorable matchups
1. Marques Colston, WR. Facing an often porous Cardinals secondary. Colston has come on strong in the last seven weeks.
2. Willis McGahee, RB. Once again, the Cripplers get a nice boost by having a star player face off against a putrid team. In this case, it's the Fins. Big numbers await Willie.

Hiccup alert!
David Garrard, QB. Here's where we'll see if Shawn's GM skills are really top notch. Garrard faces off against the Steelers, who are reeling after a beating at the hands of New England.


KIM JONG IL

Porn 'stache potential
Ryan Grant, RB. Another very, very nice matchup against the Rams. Dude has been diesel and we here at ALSAP see no reason to say he won't repeat it this week.

Favorable matchups
1. In just one of several, watch for Reggie Wayne to go ape shit against the Raiders. Yes, the Raiders run D is mindblowingly bad, but watch out for the Manning-to-Wayne air attack. Teams seem to like lighting up the Raiders.
2. Packers D. If Brock Berlin (no, he does not have porn 'stache potential, though the name makes it hard not to think it) is starting for St. Louis, this is way way way way favorable.

Hiccup alert!
It's a weak one because J-Dome's matchups are really good this week: Kellen Winslow. He's facing off against a respectable Buffalo defense and is coming off a stinky 3.8 performance last week.

The Pick
If you just look at the matchups, J-Dome should win hands down. His team is littered with matchups against the Rams, Houston, Oakland and the Eagles. However, the Cripplers have been pretty steady throughout the season, save for that end-of-season losing streak. Well now they're back. Randy Moss could conceivably catch eight TDs this weekend. If Garrard can get two TD passes against the Steelers, that swings the momentum north of the border.
Kim Jong Il 133, Cripplers 120