Everyone's two favorite computer nerds square off in BlogBowl I..
Aaron's too good to write this column for me this week so I'll do it my own damn self.
Let's take a look at two of Week 2's key matchups.
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Aaron's too good to write this column for me this week so I'll do it my own damn self.
Let's take a look at two of Week 2's key matchups.
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Runner Up: Bisbee vs. Chicago
This battle of 1-0 teams should be a good one. Chicago QB Carson Palmer squares off against his former mentor in Cincinnati, Jon Kitna, who now proudly plays for Bisbee. Mike's running backs are the key to this matchup, neither Parker or McAllister scored last week, and to beat me, they'll have to find paydirt. For me, this game seems like a slam dunk. Carson Palmer's playing the Browns, Tomlinson's still the best player in the league, and Purple Jebus is playing the University of Buffalo, or some similarly terrible defense.
My prediction: Parker, Kitna and Gates score enough points to give me a good scare, but ultimately, I'll be improving to 2-0.
My solution on how to make this game more important: If I win, I get to ghostwrite one of your columns in the Arizona Republic. If you win, I'll destroy the tape of me and Aunt Judy I've been blackmailing you with all of these years.
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The Main Event!: Hawaii vs. North Korea
The other battle of unbeatens this week is between Slimmy and Jordan. I'll take "Sentences I Never Thought I'd Type" for a thousand, Alex! Slimmy's been talking a hot game this week, but there's a chance that Chicago could actually play 11 men in the box this week to stop Larry Johnson, so he's useless. Philip Rivers took a play out of the Briscoe High playbook last week, handing off to Tomlinson, who then played quarterback better than his actual quarterback. So he's useless. Clinton Portis is playing the Eagles, so he's useless. However, TJ Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson are playing the Browns, and their stat lines will look like something out of a Madden game. I'm guessing 325+ yards and 3 touchdowns combined. Yikes.
HOWEVA, Jordan has my new favorite player, Reggie Wayne, who gets to feast on the Titans. He might also get 325 yards and 3 touchdowns on his own. He's also got Shaun Alexander (playing Arizona), Hines Ward (playing Buffalo), and Jay Cutler (playing Oakland). All good matchups for Jordan's boys this week.
My prediction: Jordan by double digits.
My solution on how to make this game more important: If Slimmy wins, he gets to masturbate while playing X Box. If Jordan wins, he gets to feed Slimmy his pubes in a bowl of chili.
This battle of 1-0 teams should be a good one. Chicago QB Carson Palmer squares off against his former mentor in Cincinnati, Jon Kitna, who now proudly plays for Bisbee. Mike's running backs are the key to this matchup, neither Parker or McAllister scored last week, and to beat me, they'll have to find paydirt. For me, this game seems like a slam dunk. Carson Palmer's playing the Browns, Tomlinson's still the best player in the league, and Purple Jebus is playing the University of Buffalo, or some similarly terrible defense.
My prediction: Parker, Kitna and Gates score enough points to give me a good scare, but ultimately, I'll be improving to 2-0.
My solution on how to make this game more important: If I win, I get to ghostwrite one of your columns in the Arizona Republic. If you win, I'll destroy the tape of me and Aunt Judy I've been blackmailing you with all of these years.
.
The Main Event!: Hawaii vs. North Korea
The other battle of unbeatens this week is between Slimmy and Jordan. I'll take "Sentences I Never Thought I'd Type" for a thousand, Alex! Slimmy's been talking a hot game this week, but there's a chance that Chicago could actually play 11 men in the box this week to stop Larry Johnson, so he's useless. Philip Rivers took a play out of the Briscoe High playbook last week, handing off to Tomlinson, who then played quarterback better than his actual quarterback. So he's useless. Clinton Portis is playing the Eagles, so he's useless. However, TJ Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson are playing the Browns, and their stat lines will look like something out of a Madden game. I'm guessing 325+ yards and 3 touchdowns combined. Yikes.
HOWEVA, Jordan has my new favorite player, Reggie Wayne, who gets to feast on the Titans. He might also get 325 yards and 3 touchdowns on his own. He's also got Shaun Alexander (playing Arizona), Hines Ward (playing Buffalo), and Jay Cutler (playing Oakland). All good matchups for Jordan's boys this week.
My prediction: Jordan by double digits.
My solution on how to make this game more important: If Slimmy wins, he gets to masturbate while playing X Box. If Jordan wins, he gets to feed Slimmy his pubes in a bowl of chili.
3 comments:
I think I've finally arrived as a blogger!!!
Portugese Spammers!!!
Great work Jon!! I'll add 17 points to your score this week.
I think that was French for "Ooh la la, Hefty, Bisbee gonna bite your beans."
It's funny, because my two RBs did not score last week, yes. And I still put up over 100 points. So it all depends on perspective. I will win that tape back, for the honor of Aunt Judy. VICTOR-EEEEEE!
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