Round-Up: Week 1 Bajingos and Sasquatches

Apparently, NBC is very comfortable with the thought of gay interracial marriage.

.

Not to step on Mike's post, but it is Monday morning, and my readers need a major football fix. So dig in, fatties!! Suckle from my journalistic teat! Today I offer you Bajingos and Sasquatches. Most fantasy websites call this column 'Studs and Duds'. Well, I think that's gay. Just because the two rhyme doesn't mean they're appropriate titles to place on people. In my world, you're either a sweaty steaming bajingo, or you're a musclebound, hairy sasquatch. Let's see who's who!!

.Bajingos

1. Deewaan’s Running Backs – Thomas Jones and Steven Jackson combined for 8.6 points, on 100 total rushing yards. The No. 2 pick managed just 3 measly fantasy points in an opening day loss. Not exactly what Dave had in mind. Sweet commercial though.
2. Deion Branch – 0 catches, 0 yards, 0 airport blumpkins, 0 sweet commercials. Rough day.
3. Adam’s Running Backs – This is why you grab a running back in the first two rounds. Chunk and Sloth combined for 4.1 points and could cost Adam his Week 1 matchup with Hussein.
4. Philip Rivers – Even when the Chargers throw touchdowns, it’s LT who gets the points, not Rivers. He had an extremely tough matchup against the voracious Chicago D, but Rivers had a tough time getting anything going.
5. Everyone On Rich’s Team Who’s Not Dating Carrie Underwood – Lee Evans, 2 catches for 5 yards? Tony Gonzalez, 3 points? Maroney only getting 9 points in a Patriots bloodbath? Hell, even THE Vincent Jackson dropped a touchdown pass, and got stopped short at the 1 yard line on a nice red zone catch.

Sasquatches

1. Seemingly Everyone Involved In The Sunday Night Football Game – The stats here are eye-popping. Unfortunately, I couldn’t watch any more football by the time this game came on; my eyes were literally popping out of my skull. Sounds like a barnburner though.
2. Randy Moss – Contradictory to my colleague, Mr. Walbert, I’ll be the first to applaud Randy on a phenomenal performance. Nine catches for a buck-eighty-three? Who wouldn’t take that? He’s baaaack!
3. Adam’s Quarterbacks – Normally you’d be thrilled to get 65 points out of your top two draft picks. Unfortunately, if you’re Adam, one of them was sitting on the bench. The worst draft strategy in human history only needed 1 game to prove how stupid it was. Truly idiotic.
4. Hefty’s Hot Rooks!!! – I drafted Marshawn Lynch and Adrian Peterson hoping that one of them would develop into a solid number 2 back. I didn’t expect both of them to pan out, but after yesterday’s performances, it looks like they’ll both be getting the bulk of the carries and ripping off a lot of yards. Both backs got 19 carries, as opposed to the veteran backup (Anthony Thomas, Chester Taylor) getting only 3. That’s a good sign.
5. The Detroit Lions – Jon Kitna, Tatum Bell, Calvin Johnson, Roy Williams all found the end zone, and this offense seemed to be clicking all day. I say seem to, because there’s no way I would have actually watched that steaming dog turd of a game.