Mighty Morphin Power Rankings: Week 1

The Davis brothers find themselves on opposite ends of the rainbow this week.

POWER RANKINGS: Week 1

1. Paul Davis (1-0, Previous #7) - "Why, that's a large jump," you're thinking. And you're right. Is it totally deserved? Yes and no. He put up a league high 128.5 points even after LJ had a crummy game. But time will tell us that this is not the league's best team. So let's make him a number 1 for now, and it will be even funnier when he ends the season at #11.

2. Jon Hefty (1-0, Previous #2) - Scored 112.7 points with my top two picks playing games against the Ravens and the Bears. Digest that. Dangerous squad, and my sudden depth at running back is giving me goosebumps. I could really stand a new wide receiver though. Jerry Porter and Braylon Edwards are the NFL's version of Method Man and Redman. Lazy assholes.

3. Aaron Repucci (1-0, Previous #5) - Beat the #1 team in the league in the Battle of Connecticut so I had to bump him a few spots here. Aaron scored the fewest points out of all the winners, but Gore and Mo-Jo Drew will eventually bust out for him.

4. Shawn Hussein (1-0, Previous #4) - Beat the #12 team in the league, so there's no real reason to boost him up here. If Randy Moss can have a few more games like Sunday, Shawn will be moving up to the top of the rankings. I have serious concerns about Matt Leinart's ability to be a starting fantasy QB after Monday's 11 point dud against the Niners.

5. Mike Walbert (1-0, Previous #6) - Mike toppled arch rival Craig in a key divisional matchup. His running backs played awful in week 1. Parker should shake it off and be fine, but as for McAllister? I'm not sure how much of the load Sean Payton plans on giving him. Could be a major bust.

6. Jordan Yingling (1-0, Previous #11) - Here's what we know about the last 1-0 team: Shaun Alexander looked good again, Reggie Wayne looked unstoppably great, and Cedric Benson is a two-dollar whore who has no business starting for a Super Bowl caliber NFL team. Congrats on beating Shelby though.

7. Rich Ely (0-1, Previous #1) - A tough tumble for my preseason paper champion. Kind of a fluky week if you ask me. Tony Romo won't score that many points again (unless it's Thanksgiving against the Buccaneers), Lee Evans won't have less than 5 receiving yards again, and Vincent Jackson will NOT drop any more touchdowns. He's Vincent Jackson for crying out loud! Jason Witten for Tony Gonzalez looks like a bad deal after one week, but should correct itself.

8. Dave Wanner (0-1, Previous #3) - He was the lowest scoring team this week, but that was mostly due to unfathomably bad games out of Drew Brees and Steven Jackson. Jackson could have a tougher year ahead of him with tackle Orlando Pace done for the season, and even Plaxico's stats will take a dip if Eli's really hurt for an extended period of time.

9. Craig Fritz (0-1, Previous #8) - Alex Smith had a pretty bad game. The running backs here are still a total mystery to me as to what kind of season they'll have. Westbrook should have a big week 2 at home on MNF against the Redskins, so look for a bounce back week from him. I told you those receivers were good!!!

10. Matt Melvin (0-1, Previous #10) - The only guy who scared me this week was Witten, who looked open on every play. I TOLD YOU RONNIE BROWN SUCKS. I know he scored close to 10 points, but he's just excruciating to count on week in and week out. That Dolphins offense is atrocious and starting two members of it is going to get you a few more losses this season. Good game, Deion Branch. Guess you're not so great without a coaching staff stealing defensive signals for you, are you cockbreath?

11. Shelby Fidler (0-1, Previous #11) - I really like your running backs. Who knew Edgerrin James was going to get 45 carries a game? He could be a steal. Congratulations on having wide receivers more atrocious than mine. That's truly an accomplishment in this league.
.

12. Adam Davis (0-1, Previous #12) - As the editor of this blog, it's getting tiring coming up with reasons why Adam owns the worst team in the league. As my treat to myself, it's up to you, the readers to let him know why he's in the cellar. Your suggestions (and any other complaints) in the comments!!