Draft Grades - 2010

By Jon "Affinity for Bears" Hefty

Chicago Bear Jews

QB - Brees, Cutler: A. I'll start by getting the story of the trade out of the way. I didn't do my homework this year and had my eyes on seven players. CJ, AP, MJD, Rice, Brees, Rodgers, and Andre Johnson. At 9, I didn't think I'd get any of them, so I moved up two spots to assure myself I could make a lazy pick of whoever was left. When my spot came, all three of Brees, Rodgers and Johnson were on the board, which means...my trade was stupid. I could have sat at 9 and got one of the guys I wanted. Not the start to the season I was looking to have. But regardless, the preseason #1 QB is a nice consolation prize for a bad trade.

RB - McCoy, Moreno, Thomas Jones, Maroney, Leon Washington: D+. Eagles running backs catch an assload of swing passes, which should pad Shady's numbers somewhat, but I don't think anybody thinks he's the next coming of Brian Westbrook. I've read conflicting reports on Knowshon's hammy, and I'm already prepping myself for a full season of waiting until 5 minutes before kickoff to find out he's not playing. Hate that pick already. Thomas Jones is just one of those guys I think could steal some goal line carries and end up being a borderline starter. Absolutely nothing special about this group.

WR - Brandon Marshall, TJ Housh, Berrian, Santonio, Burleson, Edelman: C-. Maybe I'm being generous. I like Marshall's ability to rack up 21 catches in a game. He's also a well documented shithead who could be suspended at a moment's notice and send my season down in flames. He's almost the poster child for high risk, high reward. TJ Housh would be better suited as a WR3 or bench player but trading away a 5th round pick had to rear its ugly head somewhere. I think I stole Bernard Berrian, who is by far the safest of the options in Minnesota. Favre's throwing to somebody up there. I'm betting it's Berrian. Santonio will be a nice boost when he gets off of his suspension and probably cracks my starting lineup on a regular basis.

TE - Jermichael Finley: B. I just wanted some piece of the Packer's aerial assault. I plan on starting him Week 1 where he'll easily rack up 4 touchdowns against the Eagles, who can't cover even the worst tight ends in the league, and then selling high on him for a running back.

Oh and I'm not grading kickers or defense. It's a crap shoot, and as you guys know, I'm no fan of shooting craps.

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: C. Brees and Marshall have enough ginormous weeks to keep me competitive, and my supporting cast has enough bad weeks to keep me mediocre.


The Swinging Richards

QB - Kevin Kolb and....uh, just Kolb? Gotta be a typo. C-. Listen, I want Kevin Kolb to be a superstar for years to come. I'm one of the biggest Kolb Gobblers I know. But taking all your fantasy eggs, and putting them in Kevin's basket, in his first season as starter? Dicey. A backup would have been nice in case he, you know, is terrible.

RB - Chris Johnson, Jerome Harrison, Donald Brown, Sproles, Javon Ringer: B. Ok, after closer review, that is a pretty unappealing supporting cast for CJ2K. I actually think Sproles will contribute more than most people would expect, but there's some low end talent in this bunch.

WR - Miles Austin, Jennings, Welker, Hester, Gaffney, Massaquoi, McCluster: A. Good Lord that's a phenomenal crop of receivers. Welker is the WR3 and will catch 100+ balls if he's healthy. Jennings is good enough to be a WR1 on most fantasy squads and I say he outperforms Austin this year. The four guys on the bench all have enough potential to be breakout stars. Not a bad banana in the bunch.

TE - Dallas Clark: A. Arguably the top tight end in the league who performs like a wide receiver.

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: B+. This team would look a lot worse with say, Steven Jackson on the roster instead of Chris Johnson, but I can't penalize you for having the #1 pick. If Johnson is 3/4ths what he was last year, and the receivers perform within the realm of expectations, this team sleepwalks into the playoffs.


Dick's Pickle Hut

QB - Peyton, Garrard: A-. Peyton may have slipped a gear from when he was perennially the only QB worth taking in the first round, but he still didn't have a game under 15 fantasy points last season. He also never ever ever ever ever gets hurt, which is in no way me trying to jinx his femur into snapping. The only downside to picking Peyton is if you're counting on him for the fantasy championship, he's playing a quarter and resting while Curtis Painter tries not to look too incompetent.

RB - MoJo, Ronnie Brown, Arian Foster, McFadden, Toby Gerhart: B+. Very interesting news out of Jacksonville, as Jones-Drew is fighting a knee injury and the team is being very clandestine about the severity. The days of seeing Ronnie Brown score eight touchdowns out of the wildcat are probably over, as every team in the NFL has seen that enough to keep it in check somewhat. Arian Foster is the preseason darling of the league and would definitely be a capable fill-in if Jones-Drew's knee is a major problem. Darren McFadden is the suckiest suck who's ever sucked and I hope he gets intestinal parasites.

WR - Calvin, Percy, Dez Bryant, Kenny Britt, Laurent Robinson: B-. Percy and Dez both have some preseason injury concerns but should be good to go by the start of the season. Percy will be battling my homie Bernard Berrian for the majority of targets in Minnesota and is a better all-around receiver who will probably be used to move the sticks with Bernard running fly patterns every play. Kenny Britt has had an awful camp and I cut him from my keeper league when he would have cost me $2 against my $500 salary cap. That's how much faith I have in him.

TE - Kellen Winslow, Rob Gronkowski: C. If we changed our scoring system to reward points for assholish buffoonery, I'd be a lot more excited about this duo. Winslow actually looked good in Tampa last season but I don't know if he can actually improve on his numbers in that stagnant offense. I only know Gronkowski from the little bit I saw of him at the NFL draft, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather spend the day with Ahmadinejad than Gronkowski. The fact that Patriots fans LOVE this guy does not help his case. Jonesy would have taken him in the fifth round.

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: B. Three options at running back is an excellent luxury and with no dire needs at any other position, Mike's in good shape.


Asian Invasion

QB - Flacco, Campbell: C-. I don't like this at all. Flacco is a perfectly adequate NFL quarterback, but he's not a sure thing in fantasy yet by any means. General opinion on Flacco is much higher than I would agree with, and I guess that has a lot to do with new addition Anquan Boldin. I'm not believing it until I see it though.

RB - Mike Turner, DeAngelo, Ahmad Bradshaw, Fred Jackson, Snelling: B-. As a 12 time Turner owner, I must say I'm actually relieved he's on somebody else's team for a year. He's talented as hell but he's brittle. At least you did the smart thing by handcuffing Snelling. My prediction: you won't need him until the week after you drop him because you think you don't need him anymore. DeAngelo Williams is the starter in name, but everybody knows the deal in Carolina. I like the backups here at least.

WR - Carolina Smith, Garcon, Santana, Aromashodu, Jacoby Jones: D-. GAH! Fact: I spent 134 man hours trying to dupe somebody into taking Santana Moss off my hands last year before Aaron obliged. Carolina Smith is the bad Smith now. Garcon means boy. I can't comment on Aromashodu but it sounds like if he's good we could get Kal Penn to play him in a movie.

TE - Cooley, Greg Olsen: B+. I think both these guys will have good years. McNabb loves working in tight ends at the goal line, just ask Mike Bartrum.

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: C-. This team's about as frightening as a Hello Kitty backpack.


MIN-UTE BALL

Team Name: D. I get the tradition of naming teams after dead celebrities. It's funny in a Shawn kind of way. But I don't understand the pun-ification of Manute Bol. Minute? Like small? Why is it hyphenated? What does Muggsy Bogues really have to do with anything? Puzzling.

QB - Eli, McNabb: C+. Eli's better than people give him credit for, and he's got a solid young WR crew, so I guess he's a fine low end starter. I wouldn't want him, but he'll do. McNabb as a backup is probably a steal but as a jaded Eagles fan, I can't fluff the guy too much. He's a Redskin now and he's dead to me.

RB - Jonathan Stewart, Jamaal Charles, Sticky Ricky, LaDainian, Bernard Scott: C+. CONFESSION TIME: I had heard sportscasters and bloggers call Jonathan Stewart "The Daily Show". While I thought this was a cool nickname, I didn't really get it. It wasn't until just now when I typed it out that I realized that Jonathan Stewart could also be shortened to Jon Stewart, aka, the host of the Daily Show. Keep in mind my birth name is Jonathon and I go by Jon. I couldn't put this together for some reason. I'll blame the subtle long term effects of alcohol on this one. I digress though, this group doesn't thrill me, but I could live with it if it were my team. I don't like a platoon guy at RB1, even if he's the best platoon guy in the league. Jamaal Charles is oozing with talent but i keep hearing his coaches want to work in Thomas Jones. Something doesn't add up. I think he could be a little too overhyped for fantasy this year. LaDainian was a good pick late.

WR - R. Moss, R. Wayne, Hakeem Nicks, Louis Murphy, Greg Camarillo: A-. Can't do any better than Moss/Wayne as a 1-2 punch. The #1 receivers for Brady and Manning are going to put up numbers consistently every year. Not a bad strategy to grab both of them. The 3/4/5 guys here don't do a whole lot for me, some sleeper potential with Murphy I guess, but the talent at the top of this group makes them elite.

TE - Vernon Davis: A. Arguably one of the best. He's a strange guy off the field though. Rubs his coach the wrong way, rubs Crabtree the wrong way...seems like he could be a disaster but the talent is definitely there.

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: B-. I expect more from Shawn. He's one of the few guys who drafts a juggernaut team every year and I just don't see it on this roster.


Abe's Balls

QB - Romo, BEN, Alex Smith: B+. The sweet justice of somebody taking a pretty boy golfer and a two time alleged rapist at quarterback is that neither of them will be able to play Week 4 and Davis had to burn another pick on Alex Smith. Honestly though, Romo's solid for fantasy purposes, and once Ben comes back, people will probably wish they had taken a chance on him.

RB - S-Jax, Ryan Matthews, Jacobs, Westbrook: D+. The fate of Steven Jackson will largely be determined by whether or not Sam Bradford is ready to play well enough to at least keep defenses honest. He's probably in for another monster yardage year with touchdowns very hard to come by. I don't know what to make of Matthews but I've got to think Sproles plays a bigger role then he did when the Chargers had LT in the backfield. I think people are expecting too much here. Jacobs is a decent guy to plug in during bye weeks and hope he falls over the goal line but not much more. Westbrook is DONE. Too thin, too many question marks here for my liking.

WR - Boldin, Bowe, TO, Devery, Roy Williams: B-. I am not a Dwayne Bowe fan. He'll put up better numbers than last year when he took steroids and got himself suspended, but he's on a lousy offense and I don't honestly think he's that good. Fact: Devery Henderson has never caught more than two passes in the same game. Roy Williams is a warm corpse who can't beat out a rookie with a broken ankle for a starting job.

TE - Brent Celek: A-. And that's a legitimate A-, not a homer A-. Kolb will find him a lot in the red zone.

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: C+. If I'm wrong on Matthews, the whole landscape of the team changes and Adam gets himself a playoff spot. But I'm never wrong.


Bucky Gunts

LOGO: A++++++. I've never been more proud of Google Image.

QB - Aaron Rodgers, Sanchez: A. The fact that Rodgers was there at #11 and I could have stayed put at #9 and got him makes me want to burn down a mosque. More than I usually want to burn down mosques, anyway. My entire season will literally play out as Brees vs. Rodgers. If Brees outperforms Rodgers by a healthy bit, I'll be able to sleep at night. If not, I'm the worst GM since Matt Millen. But anyway, this is about Mr. X, not me. Good pick, X.

RB - Benson, Forte, Forsett, Hightower, McGahee: C+. Let's go backwards here. Hightower and McGahee are touchdown vultures, which are key to have for the bye weeks. Forsett was deemed the starter this weekend, but the fact that it took so long means Pete Carroll probably isn't too convinced that he's the workhorse. Forte was a whipping boy among fantasy circles last year but the fact is he finished #15 in our scoring system so he wasn't as terrible as people think. Benson is a man with one eye in the land of the blind, which is my way of saying I don't trust him. Just a mixed bag here. I like the backups a little more than the starters. C+ feels right.

WR - Smith NYG, Driver, Breaston, Collie, Josh Morgan, Chambers: D+. OK, I like Steve Smith NYG way more than I like Steve Smith CAR. So that's good, but he's no #1. Driver on the other hand, is a good #2, even though most people wouldn't agree with me. He's a consistent player in an offense that won't have any trouble scoring. There is a considerable drop off on the talent here after that.

TE - Gonzalez: B. He's got to start declining eventually, right???

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: C. Because I just gave Davis a C+ and I'd rather have his roster.


Philly Phannyaddicts

QB - Schaub, Cassel: B+. I like Schaub, probably not as much as everybody else does. Houston's passing game is just Andre Johnson, right? Shouldn't that be easy to contain somewhat? I'm no Dick LeBeau, but I'd triple cover Andre and let the ground game try to beat me. Matt Cassel blows and I'd rather have about five of the guys on the waiver wire as a backup over him.

RB - Grant, Mendenhall, Portis, Slaton, Chester Copperpot, C-Buck: A. I'll tell you what, if somebody told me I could pick 12th and end up with that RB crew, I'd do it in a heartbeat. There's 6 guys here which is excessive, but they all have some value. I love the starters especially, but I can see Portis being a decent play depending on the matchups. Does anybody know if his quarterback likes throwing to running backs?

WR - Crabtree, Ward, Maclin, Meachem, Mike Williams (TB): C+. I enjoyed having Mike Crabtree last year and think he's a top-10 guy in the making. Not this year though. Hines is a consistent guy, very Donald Driverish. Maclin is a nice gamble for a WR3. I have a feeling that he's going to get hurt a lot during his career, but when he's healthy he's the genuine article. Meachem is a Saint and you might say I'm bullish on their passing game.

TE - Zach Miller: D. If the Eagles linebackers knew they were allowed to tackle, he'd have barely broken 100 points last year, meaning an average of about 6 ppg. That's some fuzzy math to be sure, but it just shows that one fifth of the guy's points came on a fluky play that made me spend the rest of the evening drinking deck stain. Maybe he does ok with a real quarterback in charge. Can't hurt.

OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: B+. A fierce squad from Deewaan. Maybe his best effort in years. I just hope I get to play him when he's on his honeymoon.

2009 Power Rankings: The Rat King

Join me as we untangle the Rat King that is the Westside VII standings.

The standings are a mess.

The last season I actively tried ranking teams, we had great teams (mine) and horrible teams (Adam's). Ranking teams was as easy as regurgitating the standings page. A couple of clever Google image pictures, a caption, and I was done. Very easy. This year, however, is a mess. It's a rat king. The rat king is a phenomenon in nature, when too many rats populate a small area. The rats are literally on top of each other, swimming in each other's shit. Their tails get tangled, and the rat king begins to take shape. More rats get knotted up with the mess of tails and now you have a heap of rats all moving in unison, functioning as a conjoined group.

This is exactly how I see this year's teams. We have some strong rats and some weak rats, but we've all somehow gotten our tails twisted and we're stuck in a 3-2 and 2-3 rat king. The only way to clear this picture up is to start gnawing away at each other's tails in an effort to escape the pack of mediocrity. Who will emerge? I have the answers.

1. Chode House (3-2)

Look no further than America's newest scumbag lawyer for the best fantasy team in the land. With two top-6 running backs in Brown and Benson, a troika of excellent receivers, and a decent bench, this team appears to be for real. The only concern would be the QB platoon of Brett Favre and Carson Palmer, who would have been a little more intimidating if it was 2004. They're both servicable, but one isn't clearly better than the other, and it's when you have to pick a quarterback with a coin flip that you're destined to make the wrong call once in a while. (Editor's note: this was written Tuesday. Since then, Chode House traded for the #2 QB in the league. This team is even scarier now. Clear favorite.)

2. The Long and Winding Chode (3-2)

The running backs on this team are unbelievably good. Chris Johnson was a guy who was supposed to be sharing carries (especially near the goal line) with LenDale, and Ray Rice is platooning with a guy who already has seven touchdowns. Well guess what, these two are both still top five talents. The wide receiving core is kind of shaky, but there's a bunch of guys here who could go off at any time. Now that Matt Ryan has learned that Roddy White still plays for the Falcons, you've gotta like him as a top QB for the rest of the season. Also, keep an eye on Michael Crabtree, who I'm assuming is only on the roster to include on a deadline-day trade to a receiver starved team.

3. Chodo Baggins (3-2)

The best team owned by a Caucasian in our league is mine. Some question marks are starting to pop up on my roster, but I'm still pretty pleased with my team so far. Mike Turner's back in top-pick mode, Kurt Warner threw for nearly 300 in the first half last week, and Colston and Desean are a formidable 1-2 punch, and at this point I expect top-12 finishes for both of them. I'm worried about my depth, but if Old Man Warner gets banged up, I've got Kyle Neckbeard to turn to for the rest of the season, and he's been the NFL's most surprising story of the year so far.

4. Yellow Brick Chode (2-3)

Really good roster that just needs to live up to some of it's potential. QB is a major strength, and either Eli Manning or Philip Rivers should be dealt at some point, and they won't come cheap. Another spot of strength to trade from would be tight end, as Dallas Clark and Kellen Winslow are #1 and #2 on the young season. Brandon Jacobs and DeAngelo Williams both got hot towards the end of last season and may do it again this year. This looks like a team that could pull of a blockbuster deal without upsetting any of its starting lineup and cause some major problems come playoff time.

5. Dennis Tennis Choding Company (2-3)

Dropped several spots in the rankings due to naming violations, primarily due to the fact that it doesn't rhyme. This is actually the second ranked team in total points, which obviously has a lot to do with the #1 overall pick being on the roster. The rest of the team is strangely uninspiring. Jeremy Maclin and Mike Wallace had a nice fluky week replacing some guys on bye, but can hardly be counted on to produce over a full season. This team did just pick up Antonio Gates for presumably less than market value, so that could potentially pay huge dividends.

6. On The Chode Again (2-3)

Led by Captain Doom and Gloom, all we've heard is how bad this team is. But there's actually a lot here to like. Matt Schaub is streaky but throws to a bunch of good receivers, so he's always a threat for a huge game like Sunday's. MoJo Drew was the right call at #2, and Nate Burleson has an amazing stat line for the season so far. What I'm sayin' here, son, is to turn off the emo records, open the blinds, and just relax. You're going to be fine.

7. 16801 Zip Chodes (3-2)

Maybe I'm being rough on the Zip Chodes, but I have a crazy feeling that once you draft a guy in the first round, you feel compelled to start him even when you know you shouldn't. And I have a crazy feeling that maybe you end up starting this guy too many times even though it starts getting obvious that he's completely washed up and doesn't really fit in his NFL team's game plan anymore even though as recently as two years ago he was singlehandedly winning people fantasy championships. If I'm wrong about this, then feel free to move this team up a couple of spots, but like I said, I just have a crazy feeling.

8. Chodal Recall (2-3)

Two of the top three receivers in a PPR league is usually a recipe for a championship run, but this squad has underachieved so far. Steve Slaton has been less productive than advertised, but Thomas Jones is on his way to another huge touchdown season. Also, you've gotta love having the #4 quarterback in the league as an insurance policy for McNabb and whatever injuries he may pick up along the season. The low point of the season for Chodal Recall so far, is that the "fleecing" for T.O. was, as I said all along, done by Sausage A La Chode.

9. Genetic Chode (3-2)

Peyton Manning might be having one of his best seasons with one of the Colts' worst receiving crews in recent memory. He has thrown for 300 yards every week, and failed to throw multiple touchdowns only once. Looking ahead at the Colts' schedule, they don't really play any lockdown defenses other than Baltimore, so it's not a stretch to think Peyton will finish the season as the #1 player in fantasy. The reason I'm only talking about Peyton here is because the rest of this team is saturated in mediocrity.

10. The Nigerian Chodeling Team (2-3)

Teams 10-12 could probably be picked out of a hat, but you came to this blog for BOLD statements, not wishy-washy ones. I have the NCT ranked 10th for a few reasons, but one of the biggest is Rashard Mendenhall. I blasted the NCT for starting Mendenhall a few weeks ago, labeling it a homer move, but now I'm eating some crow. Mendenhall has been a star the past two weeks and should hold on to a large workload even when Willie Parker returns from his injuries. A lot of people are down on Tom Brady, but he's still a top-10 guy and will push to finish in the top-5. Final note: whatever jerkoff traded Santana Moss away should be kicked in the balls.

11. Sausage a la Chode (3-2)

Sausage a la Chode gets the #11 spot. One of my thoughts behind this pick is that I play them this weekend, and it would be horrible karma to say they're the worst team. That would nearly guarantee a loss. The running backs here are pretty horrible as a group, and let's just calm the eff down about Matt Hasselbeck, please. Four touchdowns, wow. You know this guy has about two or three more sacks before he's holding a retirement press conference, so putting any of your eggs in his basket is ill-advised. Yes, I noticed Tony Romo is also on the roster, but he's been absolutely invisible in games against good teams.

12. Lock n' Chode (2-3)

22, 38, 39, 41. Those are the ranks of the four running backs on the roster. Almost impossible to win that way. Drew Brees got everybody's panties all wet in the beginning of the season but has cooled off in the past two games. Overall, he's still a top-3 fantasy quarterback, but Lock n' Chode's fortunes are tied directly to the arm of Breesus. If I had to compliment this team, it would be the excellent talent at tight end. That's not a great compliment, which is probably why your #12, neighbor. Welcome to the league.

Photo Finish!

There's only one game in the Championship Bracket that hasn't been decided!!

Rich (+15) vs. Craig (Steve Smith, DeAngelo Williams) - In any normal week, I'd say this is a slam dunk for Colon Blow. Combined, Smith and Williams are averaging 29 points/week. However, this game is against their nemesis and defensive stalwart, Tampa Bay. In the teams' earlier meeting, Smith and Williams combined for only 18 points. Smith is the same as he was then, but Williams has seen his role increase, especially around the goal line. All I can say is the Colts D was the waiver-wire pick up of the week and maybe the year!
Prediction:
Smith and Williams combine for 20 and Colon Blow advances.

Sunday Questions

Will the University of Florida earn enough votes in the human polls to prevent a BCS implosion in the title game?

Why do the Eagles give up blocked field goals for touchdowns at the end of the half?

How does Marvin Lewis still have a job?

How does Rod Marinelli still have a job?

Will a "stimulus" package for the big 3 automakers really do anything for the economy?

Will Penn State be able to give the college football pundits a big F-U by beating USC?

How long will I have to wait to get a copy of The Dark Knight on DVD?

Will Peyton Manning ever be in a bad commercial?

How many shots of alcohol will it take for me to beat everyone in Big Buck Hunter in Philly next weekend?

Who thought Steve Slaton would rush for over 1,000 yards in his rookie season?

Will the Steelers be able to overcome Big Ben's spotty play to make a deep playoff run?

How many years do Rich Rodriguez and Charlie Weiss have left at their respective positions?

Does Cheddar really make everything better?

Is Washington vs. Baltimore really the best choice for the NBC flex game?

Playoff Prognostication Station - Who's Out? Who's In?

OUT

Reid - "You're going to start whether you like it or not!"
DonoVan - "I don't wanna! I wish you traded me to Chicago!"

IN
"Sure the life jacket helps, but it's really my massive mustache that keeps me afloat."

So, Week 12 is in the books. My friends, there is only one playoff spot left. 3 teams are fighting for the honor to be the last team in the top of the bracket and avoid the year long mockery that comes from not making the playoffs. Let's examine.

LOCKED OUT
Oops! I Crapped My Pants
Fecaldelphia Stinkpalmers

LOCKED IN (predicted seed):
San Jose Sharts (#1)
Dallas Diaper Poopy Heads (#2)
Shittsburgh Terrible Bowels (#3)
Colon Blow (#4)
Buffalo Butt Pills (#5)
Chocolate Hot Dogs (#6)
BVD Skidmark Mishap (#7)

You say - Hey, HEY, HEY! Mike's team is only 5-7, tied with Jonesy and only one game ahead of Aaron and Davis. That is true. But he's in and here's why. The worst Mike can finish is 5-8. So at the very least, he'd be tied for the 8th seed. Here is where all the weeks of high scoring are finally going to benefit him. There's no way he'll lose a tiebreaker. Mike has a season total of 1345 points. That's 191 more than Jonesy (1154), 119.5 more than Aaron (1225.5) and 140.4 more than Davis (1204.6). I don't see anyone being able to overtake his point total in just one week, even if he loses.

That leaves ONE playoff spot remaining.

THE CONTENDERS:

Buttsylvania Anal Leakage - 5-7 - 1154 total points. Win and he's in, simple as that. If he loses, he'll head to a tie-breaker against the winner of the DumpTanks/Burrito Rice matchup. That's someplace he can't afford to be has he trails Aaron and Adam by 65.5 and 50.6 points, respectively.

Andy Reid's Old Burrito Rice - 4-8 - 1225.5 total points. Aaron needs a win and a Jonesy loss for a shot. He's in excellent tie-breaker position with his total season points.

Alicia Smith's Dump Tanks - 4-8 - 1204.6 total points. Davis needs a win and also needs Jonesy to lose. His tie-breaker status would likely take out Jonesy as well.

Week 12: Photo Finishes

"Tight races + playoff implications = dirty shorts"

There are a few games yet to be decided in this the penultimate week of our fantasy regular season. Hearts will be broken, dreams will be realized and hopefully we'll all get to see a game worthy of avoiding the new episode of Prison Break.

Jonesy (+21.1) vs. Melvin (Reggie Bush) - Will he play, will he sit? Apparently, he's in, maybe. Regardless, I don't see Reggie having a big enough impact to tip the scales in Melvin's favor.
Prediction: Jonesy holds on and creeps towards a playoff birth. Who knew?!

Adam (+14.3, Marques Colston) vs. Mike (Drew Brees, Donald Driver) - Colston and Brees kinda cancel each other out, at least for TDs. Mike needs the Saint's QB to throw darts to everyone except Colston.
Prediction: Mike wins on the strength of Brees spreading it around.

Craig (+6, Greg Jennings, Ryan Grant) vs. Shawn (Aaron Rodgers) - The same thing for canceling each other out can be said for Jennings and Rodgers. Blow needs a big day from Grant to seal the deal.
Prediction: Craig hangs on and clinches a playoff berth.

Week 11 Power Rankings: Playoff Mania

It's that time of year boys. With only 2 weeks of the regular season left, the playoffs are starting to take shape!! Feast your eyes on the prognostications of ALSAP!!!

#1 Jordan (9-2, W5, 109.4 avg, Previously #2) - He's not scoring the most, but he has the longest current winning streak in the league with 5 straight victories. That puts him in the top spot, for now. Tough, tough match-ups against the Butt Pills and Skidmark end the regular season.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #3 (10-3)

#2 Melvin (9-2, W2, 114.4 avg, Previously #3) - Melvin is poised to take over the top playoff seed. He's been the highest and most consistent scorer all season and will be rewarded with a first round playoff matchup against a cast-off team with half the wins.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #1 (10-3)

#3 Hefty (8-3, W1, 113.8 avg, Previously #1) - Hefty is the 3rd league member to lock up a playoff spot. He also has it pretty easy going forward facing Dave and Shawn in his final two games. While his scoring has dipped the last two weeks, the combo of Westbrook and Turner is frighteningly dangerous for a playoff run.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #2 (10-3)

#4 Rich (7-4, W3, 107.5 avg, Previously #4) - Rich has reeled off three big wins in a row and has clinched himself a playoff spot. He's also put up some serious points (248) in the last two weeks which means his team is peaking at the right time. He has a tough game against the Sharts then finishes with Anal Leakage.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #5 (8-5)

#5 Craig (6-5, W2, 116.6 avg, Previously #5) - Colon Blow has been straight dominant over the last two weeks taking over the overall points lead from Melvin. The issue is the early season play that lead to a 4-5 start. This is truly a Jekyl and Hyde team that averages 97.9 in its 5 losses and 132.3 in its 6 wins. Blow ends the season with My Pants and Poopy Heads.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #4 (8-5)

#6 Mike (4-7, L1, 110.8 avg, Previously #8) - Mike is 1-1 since the last power rankings and just can't seem to get his team to turn the corner. He's #4 overall in scoring and has little to show for it. He ends the season facing Dump Tanks and Sharts. I think he still has a playoff charge left in him.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #7 (6-7)

#7 Shelby (6-5, L2, 95.9 avg, Previously #6) - CHD will make the playoffs, somehow. A 10 out 12 scoring average doesn't do much for his hopes of staying in the playoffs for more than one round, but he'll be there. He ends the season with two bottom dwellars in Dave and Aaron.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #6 (7-6)

#8 Adam (4-7, L1, 99.7 avg, Previously #12) - Adam is a big mover here because the bottom of the league really can't hold anything together. We have 3 teams at 4-7 and 3 teams at 3-8. It's like picking through garbage to find that half-eaten bagel that still has some cream cheese and was only 1/3 of the way buried in the can. My pick is for Adam to get in, finally, the spreadsheet pays off.
Playoffs IN/OUT: IN
Seed Prediction: #8 (5-8)

#9 Aaron (3-8, W1, 99.4 avg, Previously #11) - Aaron has showed some life of late, going 3-1 over his last 4. Unfortunately, I think it's too little, too late. He has to win out and get some help in the scoring tiebreakers to make the playoffs.
Playoffs IN/OUT: OUT

#10 Jonesey (4-7, L2, 93.1 avg, Previously #7) - Anal Leakage has hit the skids after winning 3 straight to climb back into the race. The 12th scoring average isn't helping. Killer games against Melvin and Rich will seal the fate of this Westside FFBer's first season. Please, PLEASE, play next year!
Playoffs IN/OUT: OUT

#11 Shawn (3-8, L5, 103.6 avg, Previously #9) - His team just got sent back to Cincinatti for violating a team rule. Here's looking ahead to 2009.
Playoffs IN/OUT: OUT

#12 Dave (3-8, L3, 94.1 avg, Previously #10) - An all to familiar place for Dave at the end of the fantasy football season. I had high hopes that this would be the year the StinkPalmers, formerly the Delaware Ding-Dong Danglerz, would crack the playoff scene. There is just too much to overcome in the final two weeks.
Playoffs IN/OUT: OUT