Week 8 Power Rankings: Saturday Morning Cartoon Edition

Ok, so I haven't done power rankings since week 5. A lot has changed since then. I'm going with the new theme. I hope you enjoy it.



#1 Melvin (7-1, L1, 118.4 avg, Previously #1) - He-Man. I didn't think much of Melvin's team when he first drafted. But just like Prince Adam lifting his sword on high for the POWER of GRAYSKULL to become He-Man, the PoopyHeads are alone on top of the league standings. Missing Reggie Bush, though, could make his team more like She-Ra.


#2 Hefty (6-2, W1, 119.7 avg, Previously #3) - Lionel of Thundercats. Personally, I can't think of a guy that better represents Hefty than one with a sword that grows and yells HOOOOOOO!! to gather a crowd. The Terrible Bowels lead the league in scoring average and have taken dead aim at the top spot.


#3 Jordan (6-2, W2, 110.8 avg, Previously #4) - Voltron. The Sharts have been on quite a tear during the last three weeks. I liken Jordan to Voltron, because while he doesn't have a ton of studs on his team, he's able to piece together a winner. Plus, Voltron is just badass. Raise your hand if you didn't want to be on that intergalactic, evil fighting team. No one? I didn't think so.


#4 Craig (4-4, W1, 112.9 avg, Previously #6) - C.O.B.R.A. Commander. You think you might have beaten me into submission, Joes. But I will never rest. I will wait to strike and take down your leaders one at a time! The mighty Joes will weep when I take over their beloved country!! Isn't my see-through mask cool as well? Pretty badass, I know.


#5 Rich (4-4, L1, 104.3 avg, Previously #5) - Bumble Bee. Rich isn't doing a whole heck of a lot. He's here, making a play, rescuing his buddies every now and again. He's not flashy, but he gets the job done. He's right in the mix of things, though I would like to see higher than the #7 scoring average.


#6 Mike (3-5, L1, 114.1 avg, Previously #7) - Pinky and the Brain. Try, try, try as he may, Mike cannot just make any headway in his attempt to take over the worl, er, league. He's number 3 in scoring average and only has 3 wins to show for it. Again, I think he's a playoff team, but he's gotta win at least 3 of the last 5 games.

#7 Shawn (3-5, L2, 105 avg, Previously #8) - Mum-Ra of the Thundercats. Yes, I know I already used a Thundercats character. But doesn't Shawn remind you of Mum-Ra? You know. How he's half Egyptian and they have mummies in Egypt and it's like Mum-Ra? No? Shit, this one needs a re-write. Shawn is right in the middle of the pack in scoring average and on the fence of being a playoff team.


#8 Dave (3-5, W3, 98.8 avg, Previously #12) - Captain Planet. Dave was down and out just three weeks and one power ranking ago. Now he's flying high on three straight, convincing wins. I see more wins in the future. Dave's team isn't really like Captain Planet, except for the little faggie kid that uses his "heart" ring to make the Captain appear. No, Dave just looks like Captain Planet. Seriously, click on this picture, it's uncanny.


#9 Shelby (5-3, L3, 92.4 avg, Previously #2) - Hadji from Johnny Quest. This kid is one of the more douchey characters in all of Saturday TV. He really serves no purpose except for infrequent comic relief. Shelby has the lowest scoring average in the league and I'm still shocked that he was able to win 5 games. Three loses in a row have moved him to the lower 3rd of the power rankings.


#10 Jonesy (3-5, W2, 94.3 avg, Previously #10) - Papa Smurf. Jonesy is straight chillin' in our league. I'd like to think when Papa Smurf wasn't on camera, he was hittin' a flask and playing some grab-ass with some young lady smurfs. That's how I like to think of Jonesy down there in South Cack with the beach and undergrads on his doorstep. He's also 3-1 over his last 4, so his team is showing signs up life. He'll probably have to win 4 of his last 5 to get into the playoffs, but stranger things have happened.


#11 Davis (3-5, L2, 95.5 avg, Previously #9) - Counselor John from Camp Candy. Camp Candy had to be one of the lamer creations of an over-weight, moderately funny comedian. Now he's dead and Camp Candy is no more. Our children are so deprived. I think the playoffs will also be deprived of the Dump Tanks. Davis is 1-4 over his last 5.


#12 Aaron (1-7, W1, 96.1 avg, Previously #11) - Tenderheart Bear from the Care Bears. Aaron won a game!! He's also lost 7. That's tough to swallow, but you'll never see anything but a smile on his face! The ultimate optimist is having fun, even if he's not winning. He's also quite cuddly, I've heard anyway...