The grundle sweat on the guy wearing this giant pillow costume could fill a bathtub.So, Syracuse Weekend has come and gone. Not everybody was fortunate enough to join us in Canada's Retarded Stepbrother (Feel free to borrow that one from me, Syracuse Board of Tourism!!), so here's a recap of the festivities just so everybody's on the same page.
CHEERS: To the Davises for hosting approximately 20 drunken, dirty, gassy, loud, snoring-prone of their closest friends for the weekend. Much olbiged.
JEERS: To the 'y' key on my laptop, which all of a sudden decided it wants to work about 30% of the time I hit it. Hopefull, this column won't have man tpos.
CHEERS: To the joke of the weekend, Shawn Hussein's timely and oft-repeated "Which way to the bloodbath?" inquiry of Syracuse fans as we closed in on the Carrier Dome. Got funnier every single time.
JEERS: To the New York Department of Transportation, which decided to close the two exits on Route 81 closest to the Syracuse Denny's this morning. My Garmin had the computer equivalent of an aneursym trying to recalculate my route so I could fill my belly with the ever-delicious Homestyle Scramble.
CHEERS: To Carpenter Craig, who crafted a set of Cornhole Boards by hand and painted little paw prints and lion faces to decorate.
JEERS: To Jeff Fritz, the least useful little brother since Koy Detmer. I'd rather have a root canal than spend another five minutes with that kid.
CHEERS: To the Carrier Dome, who offers a 16 oz. Labatt Blue Light for the low low price of $5. Compared to the $7 Bud Light bottles I had at the Phillies game the other night, this was practically Nickel Night at the Crowbar.
JEERS: To Hurricane Ike, who not only drove up gasoline prices 20 cents a gallon right before a road trip weekend in my SUV, but also took my two best receivers out of my fantasy lineup for this week's games. Andre Johnson and Derrick Mason, hit the showers; Devin Hester and Hank Baskett, lace 'em up. The result: coming home after the 1:00 games were finished and finding my fantasy team had racked up a whopping 3.5 points. (Don't worry, I'm up to 6 now!!)
CHEERS: To Penn State, who made sure we didn't make a road trip in vain by showing up and slaughtering an undermatched Syracuse team in a loud road atmosphere (to be fair, it was probably 40% PSU fans).
JEERS: To the uber-spooky walk we had through the Syracuse cemetary in the dark back to the Davises last night. If you weren't there, you wouldn't believe how big this cemetary is. I think every dead Syracuse alum is buried in there. To top it off, we had a cop car drive past us and tell us "you're fine" as we struggled to get our bearings in the dark maze of gravestones. No sir, YOU'RE fine. We're lost and full of Labatt's Blue Light. Please help.
CHEERS: To the NFL schedule makers, who gave us a coincidental gift by making the Steelers play on Sunday Night Football, and the Eagles play on Monday Night Football. Perfect way to end the weekend.
JEERS: To Matt Cassel, who obviously isn't as good as Tom Brady, but obviously isn't as bad as Quinn Gray. The Pats won today and it looks like the Jets won't be assuming the role of AFC East top dog just yet. I was really hoping the Brady injury would send the Pats into a 1-15 tailspin. Strangely enough, the Bills have to be taken seriously now after beating Seattle and Jacksonville to open the season up. Too bad for Buffalo fans, I hear they're moving the team to Toronto. (This was ongoing Joke At Upstate New Yorkers' Expense Of The Weekend #2...)
TRIPLE JEERS: To Ed Hochuli, who as I'm typing, just took a Day-After-20-Bud-Lights-and-Labatt-Blue-Lights size poop on San Diego, ruling that Jay Cutler fumbled, but the fumble recovery didn't count because somebody was a little quick on the whistle. San Diego has now slipped to 0-2 after two last minute losses. Gotta love the NFL.
